Unfortunately, this is becoming common practice, and these professionals seem to be getting away with it. How do they do it? These professionals have become all too familiar with the legal system and know every trick in the book. Every time a landlord attempts to evict them, they appeal with various excuses E.g. I didn’t pay rent because the property was in bad condition.

The problem is, every time a tenant appeals eviction, the process of eviction is lengthened because the court needs to look into the issue before being able to dismiss it. The claims usually get dismissed because they’re fictional, but by the time each appeal goes to court, months and months pass, leaving the landlord severely out of pocket while the tenant still remains. The system definitely isn’t perfect, but it is what it is, unfortunately.

Here are a few ways to avoid professional bad tenants:

1) Take into consideration your tenants employment and social status

I don’t care what anyone says, but as a landlord you have to believe in the stereotypes- you have to believe that young unemployed tenants on benefits will be more problematic than middle-aged working professionals. Of course, that won’t always be the case, but it’s safer to stick with the better odds.

Resources
The best and worst tenants

2) Get References

Professional bad tenants have a track record; otherwise they wouldn’t be “professionals”. ALWAYS ask for references of previous landlords and current/previous employers. And don’t just relax contently once you have the references, actually follow them up and get feedback.

Be wary, professionals may use friends and families to provide references- make sure the references are legit.

3) Credit checks

There are crap loads of companies out there that will perform credit checks on people for you. It costs about £15, and you’ll get to find out if they’ve been blacklisted or have CCJ’s against them.

Resources
List Of Tenant Credit Check Services For Landlords

4) Be wary of cash payers

Tenants may offer to pay rent upfront for a large period e.g. 6 months. While it may seem appealing and an ideal situation for a landlord, it may often be an evil ploy to disguise sinister activities.

It’s not unheard of for tenants to pay cash upfront for a few reasons, but the 2 most common I’ve heard about are:

• The tenant doesn’t want to be disturbed and wants the landlord to stay away from the property because they’re harbouring illegal activity in the property e.g. growing drugs
• The tenants have AWFUL rental history, so the offering of large some of cash is a diversion

Of course, this may not always be the case, but it’s something to be wary about.

5) Employment records

Check the tenants employment records e.g. 3 months worth of payslips. Don’t just assume the tenant is employment because he/she says so.

6) Be Wary of DSS tenants

Rightly or wrongly so, DSS Tenants are becoming more and more associated with the term “bad tenants”

DSS tenants receive Housing Benefit from the government to help with living expenses i.e. rent. A lot of DSS tenants are becoming notoriously known for pocketing their allowance, consequently failing to pass it onto their landlord.

I’m not saying every DSS tenant is guilty of this crime, because they’re not. I’m just saying, make sure you know the complications of DSS tenants before accepting one.

7) Don’t accept the first tenant that comes along to avoid costs

It’s true, the longer a property remains vacant, the more expensive it becomes for the landlord. Consequently, landlords are often inclined to accept the first tenant that comes along. While that may seem like the financially safe solution, it can often have the opposite affect. The fact is, finding a bad tenant quickly will cost you more than finding a good tenant slowly.

It’s important to take time over vetting your prospective tenants and making sure they’re right for both you and the property.

Minimising damage in case you get a bad tenant

Unfortunately, even if you follow each tip above, there’s still always a chance that a bad tenant will slip through the net. That’s what they’re trained to do. In a worst case scenario, there are certain steps a landlord can take in order to minimise the damage when they’ve mistakenly harboured a bad tenant.

1) Always have a Tenancy Agreement in place

Ensure a valid tenancy agreement is signed before any keys are handed over to the tenant.

2) Start with a 6 month agreement

It’s always good to start with a short term agreement so you can serve notice sooner rather than later if shit hits the fan.

If the tenant proves to be well behaved after the initial 6 months, then you can easily create a new tenancy agreement and extend the terms. Alternatively, just allow the agreement roll into a Periodic Tenancy.

3) Insist on a Guarantor

Don’t agree to take on a tenant unless they can organise a guarantor. A guarantor is someone that is willing to accept responsibility for any rental payments the tenant may miss. If the tenant can’t get a guarantor, then obviously they’re not trusted…or they have no friends and family. In either case, both scenarios are repelling.

Resources
Tenant Guarantor Form

4) Landlord Insurance

If you’re a landlord that’s allowing complete strangers rent your property, I highly recommend getting rent guarantee and legal expenses insurance. The policies are relatively inexpensive, and could potentially save you a heap of money.

Landlord Insurance can cover loss in rent and legal charges. If after the initial terms of the agreement expire and your tenant proves to be well behaved, then you can terminate the policy.

5) Regular Property Inspections

Landlords are entitled to perform routine inspections of the property. Typically, a Landlord Property Inspection should be done every quarter (3 months). It’s extremely important to do this so you can get a good idea of how your tenants are treating your properly. The sooner you pick up on any suspicious behavior, the better.

There’s usually a clause in a tenancy agreement mentioning the right . Look out for that, and make sure your agreement has that clause.

Be wary though, the landlord must give their tenant 24 hours notice which the tenant must agree to before entering the property.

Seeking professional advice

One of the biggest mistakes a landlord can make when dealing with a problematic tenant is trying to take the situation into their own hands.

The thought of getting professional help to evict your troublesome tenants may sound expensive, and may even feel uneasy on your pride, but that’s nonsense. Stop being a stubborn mule. It’s often cheaper to get professional help than trying to handle it by yourself.

Professionals will know exactly what to do, and they’ll do it efficiently and legally.

Leave your baby cousin’s Superman cape in his draw, and leave it the Tenant Eviction Professionals.

Anyone got anymore tips?

Over the 2 years they’ve been my tenants I didn’t encounter a single problem, and that’s quite rare from my experience. I seriously don’t want to see them go, but it’s out of my control. Their family is growing and they need more space. I did suggest for them to store their youngest child in the garden shed to create extra living space, but they weren’t playing ball.

Anyways, when they surrendered their tenancy, they handed over the most professional and clear notice I have ever seen. This is what my tenant gave me:

I was impressed, so much so that I thought i’d post it up here, so other tenants can use it if they wish (there’s a downloadable version below).

I didn’t ask my tenant where he got it from, but I assumed it was a template he had found online. Of course, a surrender of tenancy letter doesn’t need to be so elaborate; all can be said in one sentence- that’s what my previous tenants gave me. However, I like this elaborate version because it’s concise and transparent, so it avoids potential misinterpretations.

I actually tried Googling for other Surrender Of Tenancy Letter templates to see how it compared, but I couldn’t find any. Mind you, I did only look for 5 mins, and I got majorly bored after that. Or perhaps I failed because the market for a template of something so mundane and pointless does not exist. Perhaps. Actually, most likely.

What is a Surrender of Tenancy letter?

It’s a mutual agreement between landlord and tenant to end a tenancy. This is called ‘surrender’. To be valid, both sides must agree, and it’s always best to put what’s been agreed in writing so everyone knows where they stand. If the tenancy is joint, all joint tenants and the landlord must agree to the surrender.

Does anyone know of any templates available online? Also, has any landlord received a surrender of tenancy like that before, if not better?

Important: If you decide to use it, make sure you print two copies – landlord and tenant should each keep a copy.

Download

Here’s a copy of the Surrender Of Tenancy Letter. Feel free to use it.
Surrender Of Tenancy Letter

Here are some of the searched phrases:

“I’m afraid of my landlord.”
“…my landlord comes round unannounced.”
“My landlord threatens me.”
“Is my landlord entitled to go through my underwear drawer.”

Yes. You read correctly. “Is my landlord entitled to go through my underwear drawer”

Anyone else find that fucking hilarious? The hilarious part is that the tenant used the adjective “entitled”, almost as if she’s enquiring whether the law enforces the act. What a shit-for-brains.

I genuinely cracked up and almost choked on my cock and sperm sandwich. Luckily I didn’t spill, what a waste that would have been.

Unfortunately, I don’t think my sense of humour was shared amongst the others, as everyone else was sympathising with the criticalness of the issue. To me, that one search query was like a kid farting during Sunday prayer – it unfastened the entire seriousness.

I can appreciate that it would be creepy for a tenant to witness their landlord scouring through their underwear drawer, but at the same time, very amusing, especially if the landlord started sniffing the underwear like it was covered in cocaine.

Irrespective of whether it’s fucking hilarious or not (I’m pretty certain IT IS hilarious), I believe both parties are in the wrong. I made that point in the comments section of her blog post, but my view wasn’t a general consensus. Shame.

My point is…

1) The tenant should have known her rights before becoming a tenant. If someone has to Google, “Is my landlord entitled to go through my underwear drawer”, then they clearly neglected to understand even their most basic of statutory rights. That’s lazy and ignorant.

2) On the same token, the landlord should be aware of his tenant’s rights. Again, lazy and ignorant. Moreover, the landlord shouldn’t be such a creepy parasite.

The landlord is definitely the worse of two evils, but I genuinely believe both parties can take some form of blame for being idiots.

Locking horns with Renter Girl

Unfortunately, I don’t think Renter Girl got my point. She was adamant that the tenant is never at fault in that situation, only landlord and/or letting agent!

I swear, this classic battle between Landlord Vs Tenant which you’re about to witness wasn’t intentional, it was out of my hands as I believe God wanted it this way! This is how the conversation went:

If anything, this just highlights how blindly people will sign contracts (Tenancy Agreements), without actually knowing their rights. I’m not sure who’s worse, the landlords or the tenants.

No – when you are sitting in Letting Agency and have no home as you had to move and are awaiting your deposit refund and are told: pay up and sign or you don’t get the flat/house, then it’s absolutely the tenant I feel sorry for. But never the letting Agents. Never.

(I have no idea what she’s talking about there!!!)

Yeah, that’s both irrelevant and a contradiction.

It’s irrelevant because the tenant’s right to live in peace is a statutory right. So “paying up and signing” doesn’t affect their rights.

It’s a contradiction because if the tenant is waiting for a refund, they already have rental experience, therefore should know their rights even more so.

I guess we have one thing in common though- never feeling sorry for letting agents.

landlord – you don’t get the flat if you don’t sign the agreement! It’s not irrelevant – especially if you are new to this and scared, or homeless.

(BANG HEAD AGAINST A FUCKING BRICK WALL!!!!!)

I think you’re missing the point.

My initial point was that tenants are becoming tenants without knowing their rights. That’s the tenants’ fault.

Your counter response was that tenants are often forced to sign an agreement. But irrespective of whether someone signs a contract or not, the tenant’s statutory rights won’t change regardless of what is written in the Tenancy Agreement! So it is irrelevant!

Moreover, being “scared” doesn’t justify entering a legal agreement without understanding it. Again, that’s the tenant’s fault.

Anyways, I feel as though I’m banging my head against a brickwall. You don’t seem to understand that tenant’s have statutory rights, which has nothing to do with a tenancy agreement.

On a side note, nice blog

Rights mean nothing when they are ignored. or when – if you stand up for yourself, you can be given notice on a whim, with no reason. And – I do understand. That’s because I am clever, not stupid.

At this point I was throwing up over my keyboard, horridly watching my Nando’s chicken being regurgitated, as I read the words, “That’s because I am clever, not stupid”

It’s horrendously cringe worthy when someone genuinely praises their own intelligence, period. But it’s especially horrid when a) they’re being serious and 2) most of what they’re saying is horribly inaccurate and wishy-washy.

After cleaning up my lunch, I realised 6 things:
1) her responses failed to make sense
2) she dodged most of what I said
3) she ignored the fact I said I liked her blog (that hurt the most)
4) she came across as a bit rude and moody
5) she was narrow minded
6) she didn’t actually have a clue what I was saying.

Regardless of what she says, in this particular instance, I think she’s a complete dumb fuck; certainly NOT clever. While I was telling her that tenants should know their statutory rights, she was scratching her arse and trying to justify that tenants have legitimate excuses for not knowing their rights, and that tenants will sign a tenancy agreement just to get a roof over their heads. That was a confusing response because I already told her that tenancy agreements have NOTHING to do with “statutory rights” *slaps forehead*

Conversation simplified

When you dumb the conversation down, this is what really happened:

Tenants have statutory rights which they should be aware of.

Yeah, but tenants need to sign a tenancy agreement

Yeah, but that doesn’t matter. Statutory rights have nothing to do with tenancy agreements

Yeah, but tenants have to sign because some times they’re homeless and scared!

Yes, again, a tenant’s statutory rights have nothing to do with tenancy agreements

Ok, but what about tenancy agreements? Tenants are forced to sign them due to circumstances

Sugartits, I don’t think you understand what I’m saying…

I understand, I’m clever! As I was saying…if tenants complain, they get served notice by the landlord.

URGHHHH!!! The shift of argument at the end was just uber weird.

I’m still amazed she deemed it appropriate to oppose my beliefs on the necessity of tenants and landlords being aware of their statutory rights before becoming either of. Both tenant and landlord should know their rights before becoming one or the other, right? I sincerely thought that kind of logic was on the same par as saying “the sky is blue”. But then again, you always get some stupid fuckface coming along with a response like, “It’s not at night, it’s black harhar” …. and HERE’S A PUNCH IN THE FACE FOR BEING A DOUCHE-BAG!

This actually reminds me of people that blindly get mortgages without understanding the terms and conditions, specifically when the mortgage comes out of its fixed period and onto the variable rate. The borrower typically throws a hissyfit and blames everyone else for being “set up” before taking some actual responsibility and admitting they fucked up by agreeing to something they never understood!

Anyway, her knowledge and general ability to comprehend has yet to be desired (I hope she’s not giving tenants legal advice), but she writes well and I like her blog, so check out her life as a tenant. But aye, make sure you come back here, this is home.

By the way, I’m still laughing at the whole, “Is My Landlord Entitled To Go Through My Underwear Drawer?” That’s some golden shit right there.

The only search query that could top that is, “Is my landlord entitled to cum on my face”. Just as hilarious, just as stupid, and just as creepy.

Update (five mins after post was published): I just realised that I never actually answered the question. The answer is NO, your landlord isn’t entitled to go through your underwear drawer x

Yes, I have a degree in art. And no, I don’t want to talk about it.

Are you dealing with a shitty letting agent? Do you feel they have provided you with a poor service? Strangling the greaseballs may seem like the most tempting option, but unfortunately, there are procedures…

Option 1: Make a complaint to the Letting Agent

You should always register your complaint with the letting agent first. Make a clear and precise report, explaining exactly what the problem is.

Most reputable letting agents will try to resolve the problem in-house. They will have a set procedure in place which should be handled by senior management.

Option 2: Complain to a Governing Body

If you feel your complaint hasn’t been dealt with appropriately by the letting agent, you can complain to a governing body.

EVERY reputable letting agent will be registered with either the National Association of Estate Agents (NAEA) or The Property Ombudsman (TPO). Members of either of those schemes are required to abide by a code of conduct; failing to do so can have the consequences of financial compensation to the consumer.

Most letting agents which are members of these governing bodies will display the logo on the website and/or in window displays. If unsure, you can always ask the agent if they’re a member of a governing scheme.

You can make a complaint via their websites, and there is also a directory of all agents that are members:
National Association of Estate Agents (NAEA) Website
The Property Ombudsman (TPO) Website

It’s important to only Use Letting Agents That Are Registered With An Approved Redress Scheme For Consumer Protection.

Option 3: Complain to the Office of Fair Trading (OFT) or Trading Standards (TS)

If the letting agent isn’t a member of a governing body, then you can register a complaint with the Office of Fair Trading (OFT) or Trading Standards (TS). They have the authority to close down an agency if they are found to be unfit to carry out estate agency work under the Estate Agents Act 1979 (EAA) regulations.

Option 4: Speak to Citizens Advice

For free legal advice and to find out where you stand, you can talk to your local Citizens Advice Bureau and they should be able to advice you on the best course of action to take.

Anyone complained about a letting agent before?

Out of curiosity, has anyone successfully or unsuccessfully made a complaint about a letting agent? If so, what approach did you take and what happened?

I didn’t promote or make a big deal about my eBook because:

1) I didn’t want to “push” anything onto my readers
2) I don’t particularly care if it sells or not

The reason I’m mentioning it now is because I got a message earlier from an extremely successful BTL landlord (way more successful and experienced than me. Probably not as sexy or smart, though). This is what he sent me:

I own about 70 properties, about 20 where I live. Most are managed for me. Is there benefit in doing myself, in your opinion?

Are there benefits of fully managing a large property portfolio?

Hell yeah. There are potentially several benefits, but whether you’ll appreciate those benefits will depend on what type of person you are.

• The obvious benefit is the thousands and thousands of pounds that will be saved annually.
• If you’re one of those people that enjoy depriving letting agents from your cash for doing very little work, then the reward is priceless
• Managing your own properties will give you more control. If you’re a control freak, perfect!
• If you like hardwork and being bang in the centre of the operation of your business, also perfect!

However, if I was in his position, I’d ask myself the following questions to get the best answer…

1] Can I afford to have some other chump(s) to manage my properties?

If i’m living life like a bonafide pimp, consequently able to employ someone to wipe the shit out of my arse, then why not? If I don’t need the extra cash that I’d save from employing an agency to manage my properties, then I wouldn’t take on the extra stress for the sake of gaining money I don’t particularly need.

However, if my portfolio and income has taken a real battering since the recent economic downturn, like it has with many high-flying landlords, then I’d calculate how much money i’d save and then make an informed decision. I’d definitely do the maths first before making any decisions.

After doing the math, do the extra rewards look rewarding enough?

2] Do I have time to manage my properties?

Managing a large portfolio is time consuming, so i’d need to assess whether a) I have the time to manage the properties and b) i’m prepared to spend less time on the other things I do in life.

Furthermore, I’d consider my location in comparison to my properties. If my properties were scattered all over the country, I’d assess whether I could realistically drop everything and get to a property in case of an emergency. In this case, I may make a compromise by only managing the properties realistically possible, based on location.

3] How will managing my properties affect my quality of life?

I’m only going to live once, and I plan on making the most of it. I refuse to be one of those people that dedicate their entire life to work. Fuck that bullshit. I like to balance my life between work, friends, family and sex with strippers (actually, strippers can be classed as “friends”). Regardless, operative word being “balance”

If taking on such a large task will massively reduce my quality of life, I wouldn’t even bother thinking about it. However, if taking on the work would increase my quality of life (e.g. being able to spend more money on higher class strippers), then I’d do it!

It’s all about life enrichment!

4] Do I want to work harder than I already do?

Whether I work hard or not isn’t really the issue here. The real issue is whether I want to work harder than I already do.

I’m not one of those people that thrive off hard work. I’m one of those people that like to earn as much as possible by doing as little as possible. So this really is a question based on your ethics.

For me, if I didn’t need/want the extra money, then I wouldn’t work harder to make the extra money. On the other hand, if I was one of those people that relish in seeing the reward for hard work, I’d work harder to make more money.

5] Would my long term future be better?

As mentioned, I’m against working hard ALL my life. However, i’m all for working hard for a small portion of my life to enhance my future. If managing my properties for the next 5- 10 years would massively improve my furture, then fuck it… I’d roll up my sleeves and slog away!

6] Do I know enough?

Letting agents generally know the rules and regulations of the industry, so they’re well prepared. However, not all landlords are aware if the regulations.

If someone owns 70+ BTL properties, it’s more than likely they know the relevant laws. However, if I wasn’t confident about my knowledge, I’d be hesitating to take over full-management for so many properties.

7] How much are the management companies actually doing for me?

I’d assess how much the existing management companies are actually doing for me. From my experience, if anything goes wrong regarding the property(s)/tenant(s), the agent contacts the landlord anyway, to get further instructions.

If the agent is simply relaying messages to get a response from the landlord, then they’re not really doing anything besides from slowing down the process of resolving a situation, right? When something serious happens (e.g. tenant falls in arrears) the responsibility typically falls back onto the landlord anyways.

8] Am I a people’s person?

Any landlord that manages a large number of tenants will need to be a people’s person. The landlord will need to be patient, confident, understanding and should always be willing to be contactable, otherwise shits going to hit the fan!

Moreover, if I knew confidence and assertiveness wasn’t in my nature, then I wouldn’t bother managing the properties/tenants because angry tenants screaming down the phone can be frightening and intimidating.

A landlord needs to be able to stand strong and make good decisions, as opposed to decisions that he/she was bullied into.

If I were to manage so many properties…

I wouldn’t even tackle the issue by setting the target of managing all my properties. I’d simply enter the situation by trying to manage what my capacity would allow me to. If it turns out I can comfortably manage all my properties, then so be it.

If I was seriously going to take on the responsibility, I’d do it slowly, a few properties at a time. It’s the only reasonable option as far as I’m concerned.

This approach would allow me to gain responsibility slowly, and allow me to assess whether I can accept more responsibility in small stages. If I hit my limit at 50 properties, and I know I can’t or don’t want to take on more responsibility, then I can stop the process of migrating the properties under my own management at that stage.

At least this way I would have reduced the costs of employing a letting agent as much I possibly could have. Even if I managed to take on the responsibility of 20 properties, I would have potentially saved thousands per year.

The other option

An alternative solution is to actually employ someone local to manage all the properties. It could be cheaper than employing multiple agents over the country. Additionally, working with one “in-house agent” would allow for a much more controlled and streamlined operation. Once again, it’s about weighing up the costs and being able to find the right person for the job.

What are your thoughts?

How about you? Any thoughts? What would you do? What questions would you ask yourself? What would you take into consideration?

I’ve rambled on, haven’t I? Apologies.

A few weeks ago I put up a link to a free service that allows landlords to market their vacant BTL on the biggest property portals online e.g. Rightmove. Well, here’s another free offer I most recently found…

The other day I came across a company called Discount Letting that is currently offering a Free Tenant Credit Check For Landlords, Worth £15. Just to clarify, it’s ONE Credit Check per landlord.

I spoke to the Directory of the company on the phone, and as it turns out, the offer is entirely legit. All you need to do is provide your name and a few standard contact details, and the free service is yours. I also enquired how long the offer will be standing for, and he assured me that it wouldn’t be less than a year, so you don’t all need to make a rush to take advantage of the offer! Just back up and form an orderly queue, innit.

The actual credit check isn’t too shabby either, this is what you get…

• You’ll receive a pdf credit report on your new tenant in 24 hours.
• Credit score for your tenant.
• Credit score guide advising on acceptability of tenant.
• Electoral roll database search for your tenant.
• Other selected database search for your tenant.
• CCJ (County Court Judgement) report on your tenant.
• Insolvency report on your tenant.
• Undeclared links to addresses not mentioned by your tenant.
• Undeclared aliases not mentioned by your tenant.
• Undeclared associates not mentioned by your tenant.
• Notices served on your tenant.
• Tenant previous history.
• Tenant current address match with Royal Mail database
• Neighbourhood definition of tenants’ current address.

You can Sign Up here.

If anyone decides to use the free service, please let me know how good/shit/efficient it is!

YOU’RE WELCOME

For those that missed the opening episode, you can catch it here, Funny Shit Friday – Houseshare Opportunity For A Sterile Hobbit That Isn’t Adverse To Crime.

This week’s episode of Funny Shit Friday focuses on a conversation I had with a DSS tenant a few days ago. Due to data protection reasons, I will keep the recipient’s email address hidden. However, nothing I post has been altered in any shape or form. Enjoy.

is this website some kind of joke? ive been reading your blogs about dss tenants and i want you to say that stuff to my face and i’ll show you how bad dss tenants can be you fucking wanka. i used to love kickin the shit out of people like u at school. it because of landlords like u that make my life hell. my last landlord kicked me and my son out because i couldnt afford rent why should i have to pay if i havent got the money? its no reason to evict me and wat about my son? why dont you stop being such a dick and have some compassion? Ed

Good evening Eddie,

Hope all is well.

Many thanks for your email; it certainly gave me a lot to think about. I took everything you said into consideration and I’ve decided that I completely agree with you.

I think the main problem is that when I pulled the hanky out of my colon, it forced me to ejaculate egg out of my anal-passage. I think the solution is to carry the bricks over to Harry using the wrench I used last week to unfasten my rectum. That should allow us to decide which DSS tenant deserves the egg.

What do you think?

Hopefully we’ll have this sorted by 23:11am.

Kind regards,
The Landlord

wat the fuck are you talking about m8? i dont no anyting about the bricks or harry. who is harry? is he a dss tenant? i just think what you say about dss tenants is bullshit. is that what you agree about? if so why are you so negative on your website? i think u owe us an apology. Ed

Hello again Sweetie.

Many thanks for taking the time out of your day to reply to my email.

Once again, I couldn’t agree with you more. You actually make me question myself – you open up dimensions I didn’t think possible.

I’ve published a formal apology on my website; I’ve also mentioned that we solved the brick/egg problem together.

Here’s the link: http://theggandbrick.co.uk/this-link-won’t work-i-swear-to-god/

Please let me know your thoughts.

Kind regards,
The Landlord.

P.s. Do you have Facebook? If so, what’s your Facebook pin number? I have some applications I want to send you.

how did we solve the egg problem? i didnt even know what you were talking about. im happy you agree with my thoughts but the link you gave me didnt work? are you sure its right? it could be my computer as i have been having internet problems. i have facebook but i dont know what my pin is how do i find it? Ed

Hey Hun,

I’ve just been downstairs to make a killer cup of Cappachino. I don’t know about you, but nothing relaxes me more than a hot cuppa Cappy before I shut down for the evening. Do you drink anything before going to bed?

I just tested the link and it works 100%. I also emailed my dad to test the link; he’s currently living in Caulkerbush. He confirmed the link is working.

Based on the font-size you’re using in your emails, I can tell you have a DELL 5000 series laptop. I just looked on the DELL website and it states that what you’re experiencing is a bug related specifically to your model laptop. DELL advice you to call 0908 120 3569 in order to get the patch.

I hope the next time we talk you have resolved the problem and consequently you manage to read my sincerest apologies, and my in-depth explanation about how we managed to solve the egg/brick problem.

Once again, here’s the link: http://theggandbrick.co.uk/this-link-won’t work-i-swear-to-god/

Kind regards,
The Landlord.

your a fucking cock that number went to some filthy sex line. what the fuck is wrong with you? do you think this is a joke? fucking pussy. like i said come meet me and i’ll show you how much of joke this is

Help Funny Shit Friday grow

If you think you’ve got something worthy of being posted in Funny Shit Friday, email me at “funny At propertyinvestmentproject DOT co DOT uk”.

I’ll probably reject a lot of the shit I receive because it won’t be funny, but if you manage to squeeze through my barriers, I’ll gladly post your shit and give you a backlink.

The only rule is, keep it property/landlord/tenant related. The sicker the better.

Of course, his overused dick will probably turn green and drop off in a few years, then he may regret his lifestyle choice. But Probably not. For the sake of ease and relevance, I’ll refer to him as Freddie Mercury for the rest of the story.

Over the weekend, my mate Freddie Mercury braved 3 local letting agents, ploughing through the catalogue of available stock. Before committing to any viewings, he wanted to look at all the properties available so he could organise all the viewings for one day.

While flicking through the stock and being conveniently chilled by the cheese and chive sweat pearls collapsing from the overcrowding agents foreheads, he noticed that a few agents were advertising the same properties. Granted, that’s perfectly normal, because unlike when you’re a selling a property, there isn’t a penalty fee for landlords multi-advertising across different agents. But the interesting thing was the agents had different pricing structures.

Here are the real figures for two of the agents that offered the same property:

Freddie had a choice between paying two different amounts for the same product. Bearing in mind, these agents were approximately 5mins drive away from one another. That’s not a great deal, unless you drive a Hummer.

The admin fee rates included the same services – one wasn’t providing more than the other. I don’t know if the difference in rates are upsetting or amusing. Either way, it seems as though neither agent had done any local research on local competition. There shouldn’t be such a big divide for the same product in such a close proximity.

The difference between £150 and £120 may not seem like a big deal. But it is, so shut your piehole!

Pound for pound it seems like a small hit to take, but when you convert to percentages, it’s a huge 25% difference. But the real kicker is the reoccurring Renewal Fee condition Agent 2 enforces.

Obviously Freddie viewed the properties being advertised with Agent 1. It’s not really a case of which price is “fair” (regardless of the blog title), it’s more of a case of one agent charging one hell of a lot more than the other!

The point is, have a quick scour through your local agents before you commit, because you may find conflicting rates for the same properties.

I’m going to kick off “Funny Shit Friday” with this advert I came across yesterday thanks to the guys over at Spareroom. This shit is hilarious.

Here’s a group of tenants looking to houseshare with a hygienically conscious hobbit that doesn’t mind crime:

I’d definitely apply if I was looking because these guys sound fun, and the 3/2 female to male ratio is awesome.

Thanks for tuning into Funny Shit Friday. Until next time…

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If you think you’ve got something worthy of being posted in Funny Shit Friday, email me at “funny At propertyinvestmentproject DOT co DOT uk”.

I’ll probably reject a lot of the shit I receive because it won’t be funny, but if you manage to squeeze through my barriers, I’ll gladly post your shit and give you a backlink.

The only rule is, keep it property/landlord/tenant related. The sicker the better.

Did anyone read the Daily Express newspaper on Saturday, 24th July, 2010? The front page was dedicated to rogue DSS tenants and how much they cost taxpayers. I’ll get onto the details shortly, but first let me swing my embarrassingly tiny penis around and have a bitch…

I’ve openly had several outbursts about how and why I refuse to accept DSS tenants, and in return, I’ve received abuse, and some more abuse from the self-proclaimed “genuine” DSS tenants that are being hard done by because of ignorant landlords like myself for making judgmental statements. I actually do sympathize with the genuine DSS tenants that are struggling, HOWEVER, their lack of understanding and inability to appreciate the landlords’ perspective is bullshit and unbelievably boring.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had DSS tenants hurl abuse at me, informing me I’m greedy (what the fuck?) and ignorant for tarring everyone with the same brush. But my argument is, and I’m going to throw this out there… the people hurling that abuse at me are probably receiving benefits because they’re uneducated delinquents, as opposed to educated single parents or those claiming for physical disabilities. I say that because in almost ALL my rants about DSS tenants I’ve made it clear that I only refuse DSS tenants because of how ridiculous the actual Local Housing Allowance (LHA) system currently is, and not because I believe each and every DSS tenant is a money swindling fucker. If the system protected landlords better, then I’d sincerely accept them. But as it stands, the council side with rent dodging DSS criminals. See the distinct difference? I’m not judging anyone, I’m just refusing to get tangled in a broken system.

ALL DSS tenants need to understand that landlords are running a business, so they have to act like they’re running a business by assessing the risk factor of every decision they make. Like it or not, DSS tenants are high risk. No one is tarring everyone with the same brush here, so spare me from that overplayed and tiresome argument, I’m just stating a fact. The risk with accepting DSS tenants IS far greater than most other types of tenants, so why should landlords take that risk when they can substantially reduce their risk by taking a fully employed tenant?

What’s confusing is that no one shouts at banks when they assess applicants for bank loans, but as soon as landlords try to protect their investment with a little risk assessment they automatically become morally crippled!!! If I got declined for credit due to my ill financial circumstances (for whatever reason), I’d understand because it’s not like I’m being told I can’t get credit because i’m overly qualified. Now that would be confusing!!

Here are some facts from the article to suck on

• Benefits scroungers are routinely stealing rent money worth hundreds of pounds given to them by the state to pay their landlords.
• Up to one in 10 of the 674,930 tenants claiming the allowance sponge benefits, interviews with almost 1,000 landlords by the National Landlords Association found.
• The scandal has caused rent arrears of an estimated £227.4million up to October 2009.

ONE IN 10 abuse the system!! The justification for landlords rejecting DSS tenants’ is there and I want every DSS to realise that before they sit there wondering what the landlord is basing their facts on and why the asshole landlord is being such a judgmental prick.

I’m not saying the situation is fair for DSS tenants, and I’m not saying every DSS tenant is the same (that’s far from the truth), but what I am saying is, don’t blame the landlords for making their justified choice; blame those abusing the system and the Government for making the system so floored.

Those that abuse the system aren’t necessarily chavs or complete wasters; they’re every day people like Bernadette (the stupid, inconsiderate slag below) that most likely blend in with every other person. So while it’s so difficult to separate the genuine from the wasters, it’s perfectly valid to refuse DSS tenants.

They are being allowed to pocket the cash for eight weeks before the ­debt-ridden landlord is able to insist that the benefit is instead paid directly.

The article clearly highlights how and why it’s so easy to abuse the system. Shit needs to change for the situation to get better for both landlord and tenant.

Before I go, allow me to quickly go over my stance on the situation again, in easy bullet points, so no one gets confused:

• I don’t think all DSS tenants are the same. I’ve had pleasant experience with 2 of them (and bad experiences with 4 of them). They were decent and honest people that were dealt a bad hand in life.
• I’m not saying landlords should or shouldn’t accept DSS tenants, I’m just saying landlords have a legitimate reason for not accepting them, and DSS tenants should respect/accept that with understanding.
• While the government is largely to blame for the current state of affairs, I don’t blame them entirely. The criminals abusing the system (they ARE criminals as far as I’m concerned) need to be tossed aside and sliced with a sledge hammer.

For those people that deem my rant inappropriate, you can read the original news article online, OUTRAGE AS SCROUNGERS BLOW £220M IN BENEFITS! But I warn you, it’s no way near as good as my dribbling sanity.