Before you commence onto my ungodly rant, I want to clarify a few things…
This blog post is written on the back of a gruelling, lengthy and painful eviction battle between me and my former tenant, so my level of frustration was off the charts. I’m pretty sure I suffered from a few stress educed strokes and several months of impotence during this whole ordeal.
Regardless of how recklessly and abruptly my emotions may come across during my moment of despair and dwindling faith in mankind, I am a professional landlord. I follow all the rules and regulations, I provide my tenants with a good service, nice and clean properties, and I’m always eager to resolve any maintenance issues immediately.
The reality is, there are some tenants that are out there to purely abuse the system, and it doesn’t matter how professional and reasonable the landlord is. I believe my tenant was one of those people, out to stone-cold abuse the system. She’s abused the system and literally sucked the living shit out of it for every thing it’s worth.
I’m sure many other landlords that have gone through similar trials and tribulations will be able to relate to my emotions (but probably not with my choice in words). Now, onto the rant…
My tenant is finally out of my life after having served an eviction notice on her incompetent dumb arse. I’m definitely ready to close this chapter in my life right after I’ve documented a list of reasons why I want to skull fuck her with a blunt, rusty axe.
I’ve already wrote a few blog entries on this issue, sporadically noting down the stupid shit she had done on certain day’s. But here is a neat list, which will hopefully be the last step in this nightmare. Closure.
This list is in no particular order, all of it was equally gut-wrenching:
1: Late rent payments
I don’t think I received one rent payment on time.
Every time rent was due she fed me with an excuse in attempt to justify the delay. Little did she care to realise is that I didn’t give a flying fuck about her stupid excuses after the forth consecutive delay. She signed a contract (without a gun pointing at her head) to make payment on a set date per month, so that’s exactly what I expected.
I can live with one or two late payments, but making late payment consistently got tiresome, as did her excuses.
2: Failing to make payments, period.
She completely failed to make payments 2 months consecutively. That left me out of pocket by about £1.5k. Ouch!
Rest assured, allowing a random crack-whore squat in my property was unbelievably satisfying- knowing that I was helping the genuinely poor and needy. No, really!! Karma owed me a winning lottery ticket.
At this point I started the eviction process. BOOM! Have that.
3: Housing Benefit Abuse
My tenant was receiving cheques from the social benefit to contribute towards her living expenses. However, as mentioned in my previous point, she failed to pay the last 2 months rent, which left me in the shitter.
The million dollar question: where did her allowance go? A few people have their own theories, but I have a few unsavoury theories of my own. Of course, my theories are all drug and alcohol related.
She’s a compulsive liar. She lied about pretty much everything, a lot of it was actually so absurd that it was comical.
On a few occasions she literally told me she was “on her way to bank” to transfer the rent into my account. Like, she would make out like she was actively walking to the bank while she was communicating with me.
She must have got lost and/or fallen down a very deep hole… every damn time. Obviously I didn’t receive a single penny. She literally did that 3 or 4 times.
I guess what she was really saying was…
I’ve got your fucking money punk, and now i’m going to get high as a motherfucker with it!
She consistently gave me attitude for chasing her for late payments. She was acting like I was an arsehole for wanting her to pay rent on time.
Why do tenants in arrears do that? They act like they’re the victim and we’re monsters for exercising the terms and conditions of the contract they willingly agreed to.
I just assumed she was constantly high and oblivious to reality. I’m no expert in the field of drug trading, but I’m confident her social benefit cheques gave her more than enough capacity to fuel a regular cocaine addiction.
6: Avoiding the situation
Eventually, ignoring my phone calls and text messages was her method of choice to solve the situation. Not the best method, may I add, but I expected nothing less.
Once again, I just assumed she was always passed out in a gutter somewhere after a wild night, so unable to engage in any conversation.
7: Unable to take responsibility
Even a 2yr child has the ability to know that shitting on the carpet is wrong. If a child knows wrong from wrong, I wonder why my 28yr old tenant struggled to comprehend that she was in the wrong.
Every time I spoke to her she put blame onto something or someone else. For example, “I haven’t been able to make payment because my mum is ill” or “I haven’t been able to make payment because the council have messed up my payments”
The fact that her personal life and her arrangement with the council had NOTHING to do with me didn’t seem to enter her peanut sized brain. It was driving me bonkers.
8: Incapable of apologising
Needless to say, I didn’t get one apology through the entire affair. Not even when she was late with rent the first time. Surely that’s just common decency, right? I’ve lost count the amount of times I’ve said sorry even when that was the last thing I felt, but I said it out of courtesy. Even a hollow, bullshit, flimsy, spluttering, drunken “sorry” would have been something!
By the end of the drama, I was not only out of pocket, but I also had to dig further into my pockets to cover the letting agent fees to find me a new tenant.
9: Complete lack of decency
The thing is, if she had just talked to me about the problem like an adult from the beginning, maybe the situation could have been handled in a more amicable manner.
Despite what it may seem like, I am a reasonable person and I’m always willing to work with my tenants as long as they’re reasonable and fair. Unfortunately, from the moment my tenant started experiencing financial difficulties, she buried her head in the sand (i.e. didn’t talk to me about it), misdirected her anger, constantly lied and was unable to take responsibility, so this was always going to end in one way. Eviction.
I don’t think I need anymore reasons to justify why I think she was a stupid, crack-whore, shit-for-brains!
Oh, the relief.
One thing I’ve learned through years of being a landlord is that there isn’t a better feeling than shaking off a tenant that’s causing discomfort. Too many landlords hang-on [for too long] thinking the situation will improve or just go away, but they rarely do. I’m guilty of clinging, for sure.
But let me tell you, once you become unshackled and liberated from your bullshit tenant’s grip, the feeling is euphoric. So my advice is, if your tenant is causing you discomfort (i.e. because they’ve either broken the rules and/or being ethically unreasonable), don’t prolong, shake them off ASAP. You will feel better for it, and those sleepless nights will become a tiny distant memory.
On a sidenote, if you need any legal advice on how you should go about the process, you can get free legal advice for landlords from here.
Have you had a bad tenant? If so, express yourself… no judgement here. Consider it therapy.
Disclaimer: I'm just a landlord blogger; I'm 100% not qualified to give legal or financial advice. I'm a doofus. Any information I share is my unqualified opinion, and should never be construed as professional legal or financial advice. You should definitely get advice from a qualified professional for any legal or financial matters. For more information, please read my full disclaimer.