We’re encroaching the end of May.
The last time I blogged was in the middle of Feb.
Welcome back everyone!
I’m pleased to say that many new faces have joined the landlord club since I last got down, so they’re about to get deflowered (but sadly, many will never be seen or felt again, because they didn’t quite realise they subscribed to… well, me!).
So, anyways, you know how some times- for months on end- falling asleep is infinitely more appealing than prolonging unconsciousness to “service” your long-term spouse, because going through the same old exhausted routine seems unbearable? I think that’s what kind of happened with my relationship with blogging. It all kind of went to stale shit.
I genuinely wasn’t sure when or how I’d rekindle the flame. But ya’know, it’s funny how destiny works, because all it took was one unwanted text message from my dick-face tenant to put me back on track…
So here we are! Reunited.
My tenant wants a dog (even though there’s a ‘no pet’ policy in play)…
Hi Landlord. Do you mind if I get a small dog? I promise I’ll take care of it, and it won’t cause any problems. I love this house too much to ruin it.
Thanks for asking, but… URGH! (*&*!!@!*(&!!!
- My black-hearted tenant is sabotaging our peaceful and harmonious relationship by paying zero respect to the T&C’s of the tenancy agreement (the same one that was agreed upon and signed) by attempting to overthrow the “No pet” policy.
- The property was marketed as being NOT pet-friendly! As per routine, my advert description contained an entire section on how all animals are magical and mystical creatures, but they’re wholly unwelcome in the particular property being offered.
- Now I’m going to look like the bad guy for tossing my tenant’s request in the bin like a used diaphragm, all because I’m sticking to the deal. The nerve of this guy makes me sick to the ball-sacks!
- Now I’m going to have to be on full alert like an abandoned and malnourished gazelle, because I wouldn’t put it past my inconsiderate tenant to sneak Snowball in through the back doors.
- What annoys me the most is that my tenant got a little shirty with ME and seemed bewildered for rejecting his request, even though – I’m going to say it again – I’m sticking to the deal! Un-dicking-believable! *slaps forehead*
- I doubt it will happen, but my tenant could leverage his position [of being a long-term and faithful tenant with a super nice and fair landlord] and call my bluff, believing that I wouldn’t dispose of his carcass onto the streets even if he proceeded with getting Snowball.
It’s a bet he could possibly win.
Screw him and my girly weakness :/
On a side note, it’s amusing that whenever a tenant tries to negotiate a pass for a dog in the middle of a no-pet tenancy (which commonly happens), it’s always *small* and *too cute*, almost like they’re implying that I consciously chose to enforce a “no pet policy” because I was completely oblivious to the fact that small and cute dogs exist.
I know they exist, motherfucker. I also know the little-bitty one’s are the worst kind; they take twice as many dumps, they smell like old peoples’ homes (urine and cabbage), and they’re horny as fuck.
I actually have no idea if any of that is true, but it works with my narrative.
What’s my legal position if my tenant gets an authorised dog/pet?
Well, I could, of course, refuse the continuation of the tenancy at the end of the fixed term by serving a Section 21 notice and claim mandatory repossession. That would probably be the quickest and cleanest solution in my current circumstance since the end date isn’t all that far away.
That would teach my tenant. And Snowball, the flea-infested wrecking-ball!
The second (and messier) option is to try and use the breach of the “no pet” clause as a ground for eviction (specially ground 12, “Any obligation of the tenancy (other than one related to the payment of rent) has been broken or not performed.”).
Serving the Section 8 notice alone is usually enough to scare most tenants into either vacating or making Poodle-soup, and it’s a feasible option if the tenancy’s fixed end-date is in the distant future.
However, going down the section 8 route may not always work in the landlord’s favour if the tenant isn’t a total pussy and is therefore willing to drag the case to court. My understanding is, a landlord can only enforce a ‘no pet’ clause if it is reasonable/fair to do so, which largely depends on the type of pet in question. For example, a landlord will be with in his rights to refuse a large dog, especially in a small property. However, refusing a dinky little fish might be deemed “unfair”, and I doubt any sane Judge would nod the eviction through, despite the no-pet clause.
Either way, I’m not saying that repossession/eviction is the best, fairest or most practical solution, I’m just sharing what I believe the legal recall could be, just in case you’re in the dog-shitting predicament.
Why I’m not a pet-friendly landlord…
That’s an irrelevant question, because the point is I made my ‘no pet’ policy clear from the beginning. That’s why my tenant’s request felt like a stab in the heart.
I thought he was different.
If I say I hate Brussels sprouts, don’t invite me around for dinner and sneak a couple of ‘sprouts into your hideous hot-pot concoction hoping I don’t notice. Believe you me, I’ll notice, and it’s your plumbing that will suffer.
YOU heartless dog hating piss-ant, you have no soul. I WILL DESTROY YOU. And your dress sense is shit.
Alright, let’s just all calm down.
I know how emotionally charged people get over their pets, especially dog owners, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m on the receiving end of an earful. So perhaps I should provide some clarity on my actual position when it comes to animals and pets, because it may save some of you from wasting time on crafting together a scathing and personal attack. But probably not.
I’m not an animal lover per’se, but I do appreciate and respect dogs (and every other living creature). I *probably* wouldn’t ever own a dog myself, because I lack the time and patience, and to be frank, the idea of dog hair moulting all over the place, especially on my alligator rug – which is the centrepiece of my game’s room – is debilitating.
However, on the other hand, I’m massively aware and supportive of animal rights, and can’t stomach animal cruelty of any form. Even obscenely irritating buzzing flies get guided out through an open window in my house, despite how tempting it is to smack them into an oblivion with my 10 foot pecker.
Should you accept/allow your tenant to have a dog?
Meh, it’s up to you.
I honestly don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer, because there’s legitimate pros and cons for both sides of the coin. However, if you’re anything like me – a lazy twit that does everything and anything to avoid headaches – you’d be better off nipping the idea of being pet-friendly in the butt from the get-go.
My rational for refusing pets is the same as why I don’t provide furnished property. It just means one less thing that can go tits-up. That’s all it is.
Is it discrimination to refuse pets?
Does a bear rinse its ass in a bidet?
Coincidentally, a couple of days ago, a hippy do-gooder (no offence if you’re reading this, Maxine) left a comment in my ‘landlord & pets guide’ blog post, with a link to a petition on change.org, titled “Stop discrimination towards tenants with pets and children!”
She said nothing else. Just posted the link. Efficient like an assassin.
If you’re all for the cause, then all the power to you- sign the thing (at the time of writing this blog post, there’s an uninspiring 620 signatures, so hopefully this extra exposure gives it the kick up the ass it needs). I’m not against the petition; it’s for a noble cause, no doubt. However, I wouldn’t touch it with yours.
BUT, WAIT!! How can you say you’re massively aware and supportive of animal rights, and then refuse your tenant the right to have a dog, you contradicting rat-weasel?
*shrugs shoulders* Probably, just like how I think homelessness is one of the sadist realities of mankind, but I wouldn’t invite a tramp to live with me. I’ll toss a few coins into The Salvation Army bucket, though.
I do appreciate the problem, and I do sympathise; a lot of good pet-owners get shafted by their evil counterparts. But at the same time I’ve had one too many bad experiences with pet-owners, and I believe I have the right to limit my risks.
But at the end of the day, MY TENANT AGREED TO THE T&C’S! I didn’t move the goal posts.. HE DID! So start a petition against him and every other goal-post moving asshole!!
If you are pet-friendly or considering it…
If you’re game, or in the midst of contemplation, here are a few nuggets to wrap your noggin around:
- If you’re providing a furnished property, you may want to bear in mind that dogs love chewing, cats love scratching, and both love humping and spunking over inanimate objects.
- Pet-friendly landlords are often in limited supply, so there’s opportunity to offset the risk by charging above the standard market rate. Like I said, most pet-owners are bat-shit crazy about their pets, so they’ll stump up the extra required.
But be fair with it!
- Demand a bigger tenancy deposit than normal, at least 1.5 x rent. You’ll probably need it at the end of the tenancy.
- You can include a mandatory non-refundable deposit to cover the cost of professional cleaning [to scrape faeces out from under the freezer] at the end of the tenancy.
- Throwing together a solid property inventory is always advisable, but it’s non-negotiable if your tenant comes shackled with a fuzz-ball or two.
- Have a [fair] pet policy that tenants should adhere to.
- You should be doing this regardless, but on the off chance that you’re a bit of a wally, you may need this gentle reminder to retrieve references from the tenant’s previous landlords (if they have one, that is).
- In similar vain to the point above… don’t forget your regular property inspections.
If Lassy is chewing up your carpets, you’ll probably want to know about it sooner rather than later.
- I strongly believe that a dog is only as well-behaved as its owner. So if the dog’s a pissing-idiot, then its owner probably is, too. That’s why it’s cool to meet both owner and pet before making any decisions. Judge for yourself.
- Whatever the animal in question, do your own research on the breed, including their genetic personality and behavioural characteristics.
- If you have a leasehold BTL, check the T&C’s of the lease, because some state that animals are prohibited from residing at the property.
- Consider the size of your property and the practicality of the space available. If you’re letting a shoebox flat, it would be cruel to even consider allowing a dog to reside in there. So, arguably, there is a ethical element to consider.
- It’s no secret, I’m a gigantic advocate of 6 month tenancy agreements for new tenancies (and then permanently allowing it remain a periodic tenancy) – I think all landlords/tenants should initially strike up a 6 month deal to “see how it goes”, especially if fluffy creatures are involved.
That way, if tits go up and skirting boards get chewed to smithereens, landlords can at least end the tenancy on mandatory grounds pretty quickly without too much fuss.
- Don’t allow yourself to feel pressured into accepting pets if you’re not comfortable with it.
Be warned, sob stories from tenants are commonly plentiful in order to sneak pets into the vicinity i.e. my mother is terminally ill, she can’t looked after her dog anymore.
Yeah, really? I want to see a doctors note.
Rely on common sense and your gut instinct. If those lack, it’s probably safer just to refuse pets without thinking too hard about it.
- Take into consideration the lifestyle of the tenants; if they’re going to be at work all day (and/or night), bear in mind the dog/pet will most likely be left at home during that time. You do the maths!
So yeah, how about my tenant, aye? What a dick-face for putting me that position :)
Now, I await with excitement, to hear about your tenant and pet related experiences and disasters. Ideally, I’d like to hear a story that involves an unauthorised Great Dane and excrement the size of dinosaurs. That would be pretty awesome.
Love & peace xoxo
P.s A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.
It was a shitzu.
Disclaimer: I'm just a simple landlord blogger; I'm not qualified to give legal or financial advice. Any information I share is my opinion based on my personal experiences as an active landlord, and should never be contrued as legal or professional advice. For more information, please read my full disclaimer.