It’s come to this.
It really has.
Urgh! Urgh! Urgh!
The grunts pretty much sums up the nature of my mood and therefore this blog post.
My emotions are volatile right now, so I apologise in advance if I lapse into fits of rage and blurt out inappropriate shit that no one should ever have to endure.
I was contemplating scraping this blog post entirely in favour of compiling a list, “101 ways to painfully kill my tenants with objects smeared in Gonorrhea – which should I choose?” But then, I figured, this world is filled with too many people with an inconceivable level of idiocy, just like my tenants. It only takes someone equipped with a microscopic cranium and zero sense of humour to take it too seriously and report me to the Police, like I compiled a list of regimented methods of how to get recruited by al-Qaeda.
Yeah, so unfortunately, I changed my mind, so I can’t tell you how to strategically kill your tenant with a condom and a pot of Vaseline. Instead, I’m just going to tell you about how I’m going to have to evict my tenants because they’re a pair of massive assholes.
Why I’m evicting my tenants….
On the 15th of July 2009 my tenant will have officially fallen 2 months in arrears and she will owe me £1.5k. Unfortunately, I have no confidence – and with good reason – to believe my tenant will come good with the doe.
She’s already given me every damn excuse in the book, and to be honest, I don’t give a shit if her excuses are genuine or not anymore, because I’m bored of her excuses, and I still have a mortgage to pay.
At first, I was like, “Awwww, this woman has genuine financial issues going on, I’ll let her pay a few weeks late”
Unfortunately, she mistook my kindness for weakness, because it wasn’t long before she fed me more excuses to further delay payments, but what annoyed me the most is that she got into the classic game of telling me “she’s on her way to bank to deposit rent into my account” only for the money to never get deposited.
Why do people do that? Do they not realise that after 5pm (or whatever time the banks close) I will know she blatantly lied? Anyways, that happened literally multiple times!
My tenant is scamming the system.. and no one cares!
This is what really gets on my tits about the situation.
She’s in receivership of housing benefit, so she’s obviously spending her benefits on more important things than what it is intended for [to put a roof over her head]. She’s probably buying crack and injecting her eyeballs with it, courtesy of us taxpayers. Lovely.
The council (the people providing her with her housing benefit) don’t give one iota, which seems to be the standard response when tenants receiving benefits fall into arrears!
I contacted my local council and explained my situation, and also enquired whether or not she was receiving her benefit cheques. They basically told me they weren’t able to share any of my tenant’s financial details;
don’t you care that she’s not paying her rent with the benefits she’s receiving, which is meant to be going towards her rent?
The woman on the other end basically didn’t care one bit. She sounded like she was oblivious to what I was saying… or, she was simply numb from hearing about how the system is so woefully corrupt.
It’s no wonder people take advantage of the system and cling onto social benefits, because it’s so damn easy to scam it. Even when the right people are made aware of what I consider to be pretty severe exploits, there’s still little to no action taken.
Well, if it’s THAT easy to hijack tenancy in someone’s property without paying a penny, I think I’d rather do that than pay my own mortgage.
My tenant is ignoring me!!
My tenant won’t pick up the phone when I call, nor does she return my messages.
She’s clearly avoiding the situation, which is the worst thing she can do right now, because now she’s going to be unexpectedly hit with a valid eviction notice, which gives her 14 days to vacate the property, or she can expect to have a warm seat waiting for her in court.
Fortunately, I took out a RGI (rent guarantor insurance) policy with Home Let, which basically covers 50% of my rent if my tenant fails to make her monthly payments. They will also cover all my legal costs if it transpires to that!
I hope this is the bitter start of a miserable life for her. The bitch is abusing the system, and I hope she gets thrown out onto the streets, which forces her into a life of prostitution and rat-burger fuelled diet.
Sadly, this is a typical eviction case. It’s textbook, for sure:
- Tenant falls into arrears!
- Tenant starts making up excuses!
- Tenant promises to pay… but never does!
- Tenant continues to lie!
- Tenant starts ignoring any attempts of communication!
To clarify, this isn’t about the money or taking a roof away from decent people. If someone was genuinely struggling and was trying their best to resolve the situation by communicating with me, I wouldn’t mind so much. I certainly wouldn’t want them to suffer. Being in financial difficulties is HORRIBLE, and I can sympathise. If you’re in that unfortunate situation, deal with it with some grace, otherwise you belong on the streets, fighting over a piss-head’s abandoned kebab with a rat covered in a tramp’s urine, carrying Leptospirosis.
How to evict tenants / free legal advice
If you’re experiencing problems with tenants and you believe you have grounds to start an eviction process, you can find out more about How to evict tenants & getting rid of bad tenants, which includes details on how landlords can access free legal advice.
All the best to everyone else who is in a similar infuriating dilemma! Stay strong!
Disclaimer: I'm just a landlord blogger; I'm 100% not qualified to give legal or financial advice. I'm a doofus. Any information I share is my unqualified opinion, and should never be construed as professional legal or financial advice. You should definitely get advice from a qualified professional for any legal or financial matters. For more information, please read my full disclaimer.