I’m Evicting My Crazy Tenants For A Better Life

Crazy Tenants

Here’s a pathetic little fact for you: being a landlord has zero day-to-day perks. Or at least, I literally cannot think of a single one!

So we, as landlords, have to do what we can to make it bearable, even if only by a little, and so be it, if that entails serving notice for repossession to a tenant that does more harm than good.

Life is definitely too short.

Mind you, not short enough to refrain from spending hours upon hours moaning about life on a highly underachieving landlord blog, but certainly too short to endure the droning dribbles of a tenant that irritates the hell out of you.

I quickly learned an important lesson when I first became a landlord, and it’s a lesson that completely transformed the way I operate as a landlord today. I learned that some tenants have the ability to create woes during and out of office hours (where they have no business being), and drag us down with worries and frustrations.

If those feelings continue for long, there’s only one honourable approach to take, get rid!

Don’t ride out the storm, don’t pray and hope things will improve, just bite the bullet and take proactive steps to positively improve YOUR life. You’ll feel so much better for it.

I receive emails from distressed tenants/landlords pouring their hearts out to me all the time (I have no idea why, I’m not exactly agony aunt material), and 9 times out of 10 I have very little sympathy because they have done absolutely nothing to help themselves. Emailing me doesn’t count; that’s not useful or positive, that’s just wasting everyone’s time.

Let me dive into my archives and dig out an example. I’ll be right back.



Ok, I’m back. Here’s an example;

When tenants/landlords don’t help themselves

I received an email a few months ago from an overly exhausted guy who has been, I quote, “living in hell” for 2 years with his children because his landlord has failed to keep the property in working order, and as a consequence, his mental health has deteriorated.

WHAT? You tolerated that for 2 years, and now you’ve suddenly decided to email a landlord blogger that would rather dedicate his time procrastinating on adultfriendfinder.com than donating time to worthy causes? Surely that constitutes as self-harm?

In the past, I’ve had tenants that physically made my internal organs want to implode. Not necessarily because they fell into arrears, but mainly because they were through-and-through scumbags.

I can deal with arrears to a certain degree, but I refuse to deal with rude people that are too lazy/stupid to show some common courtesy and resolve problems the right way.

Why I’m evicting my crazy tenants to improve my life

After a frustrating and painful 6 months, I’ve decided to serve my tenants, a family of three, with a section 21 notice.

I know I’ll feel infinitely better once they crawl out of my life and crawl back under the cheesy foreskin they emerged from, because I won’t have to deal with their petulant shit anymore.

They’re not in arrears, money isn’t the issue, but they come with other pathological demons that have reduced me into the lifeless, frail creature, which you see before your very eyes.

Well, if they’re not in arrears, why serve them? At least they’re paying rent!

It’s not just about the money. It’s about having a business relationship with people that I can physically tolerate, without being drowned by wet-dreams that consist of decapitating them with a butter knife and digesting their mushy brains like beef stew. It’s about dealing with positive people that respect and understand common courtesy.

So, why exactly am I evicting them? Simply;

  • Regularly late on paying rent
    They’ve been tenants for 6 months and they have yet to pay rent on time. Not a single fucking time! Late… every month! Like clockwork!

    Not only have they chalked up an impressive rate, averaging of being 2-3 weeks late, but they have also become accustomed to paying in dribs and drabs e.g. they’ll pay £100 one week, and £50 the following. Their payment pattern is inconsistent and volatile.

    It’s horrible to deal with.

  • Failing to meet payment terms and conditions
    When they initially signed the Tenancy Agreement they agreed to setup a direct debit. It was written in black and white, clear as day. It was even a requirement on the advert they responded to.

    It never happened.

    They alternatively opted for the agonisingly slow method of physically going to the bank to deposit cash over the counter… in dribs and drabs. Now one of their favourite excuses for late payments is, wait for it, it’s a bloody classic… “I didn’t have a chance to pop to the bank” Brilliant.

    Someone pass me a glock.

  • Pathological liars
    I’m pretty sure they can be clinically diagnosed as pathological liars, not to mention other things, like idiots, parasites and under evolved chimps. But I digress.

    Whenever I enquire about any arrears, they always insist they’re going to pay on said day, but it NEVER happens. That’s probably one of my biggest pet-peeves! They can never manage my expectations because they always feed me bullshit.

    What they fail to understand (because they’re idiots) is that I’ll be a lot more understanding and accepting if they gave me realistic dates that they can honour, even if that means having to wait a little longer. It’s the blatant bullshit that makes the situation a living hell.

  • Communication is dire!
    Communicating with them is hard work, it’s probably one of the most undesirable things to do on this planet (and believe me, I’ve done a lot of nasty shit).

    I’ve tried to keep my phone-time with the fools to a minimum because talking to them is excruciating. I remember the last time they were close to one month in arrears, his excuse was, “everything costs money, I have so much to pay out for. Nothing is for free in life, nothing”… that was his point.

    Right, ok?

    Thanks for absolutely nothing, besides from the worst justification for anything, EVER!

  • Lack of courtesy
    They don’t even bother informing me they’re going to be late on paying rent. Even the lowest of low scum-bag tenants shell-out on basic incoherent text messages. Sure, they may say, “You ain’t getting rent this month. I know my rights” – but at least they have the courtesy to inform a brother.

    My tenants don’t even do that; they didn’t even do it out of courtesy the few first months they were late.

    Straight off the bat, no hesitation or embarrassment whatsoever, they created a cute little game of cat and mouse, where I constantly have to chase for rent. The worrying thing is, I’m pretty sure that if I don’t chase them, they won’t bother paying at all.

    Having to actively chase the same tenants for rent every damn month is probably one of the most frustrating aspects of being a landlord.

  • They live in a dream world
    They have a serious misconception of reality!

    It would be comical if I wasn’t at the mercy of their dream world, but I am, so unfortunately it’s not funny at all! I wouldn’t be surprised at all if they have a voodoo doll of me pinned above their fireplace, stuffed with rusty needles.

    They actually get shirty with me, like I’m doing something wrong, when I chase arrears. All their correspondents have a real sharp edge about them. And sarcasm. The pompous-arse pricks love being sarcastic. It’s not good/funny sarcasm either.

    Why do tenants get shitty with landlords when they chase arrears? I’ve never understood that. In my opinion, it says a lot about a tenant’s character when they react like that.

  • Poor/rude communication skills
    They have a pathetic response rate.

    I often have to text them twice in the space of 4 days just for them to respond. Why should it take 4 days and 2 text messages to get a response? You’d think it’s because they’re avoiding rent, right? Wrong. They even delay when it’s going to benefit them.

    I tried to arrange a Gas Safety Inspection with them a few weeks ago; getting them to confirm a suitable day/time was heartbreaking. I wanted to cry. It’s almost like they didn’t value their lives.

    Of course, I need to be careful with “over communicating”, because these arseholes are the type of people that will play the victim and counter sue for harassment! *yawn*

  • Solvable problems they refuse to solve
    After continuous delays, lies and futile attempts of misdirection, they always end up paying- that much is consistent. So it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that if they managed their cash-flow (even if it meant struggling for a month or so), they could resolve all these problems. But they don’t.

    I’m not sure whether they a) feel like they shouldn’t have to struggle, so don’t b) don’t think it’s worth struggling for the sake of paying rent on time c) are completely oblivious to the situation (I wouldn’t put it past the idiots) d) love winding me up (I wouldn’t put this one past the idiots either)!

    It’s unbelievably frustrating.

    I was raised to pay my debts first, and then live off the leftovers. If you live within your means, it generally shouldn’t be a problem.

  • They’re landlords…
    Here’s the final “kill me now” fact: these ass-wipes actually “rent-to-let”

    Yes, the sadistic fucks’ are also landlords. I’m not joking.

I could probably add a few more trivial points, but I don’t think I need to…

I just want to clarify again, it’s not about the money. They always end up paying; it’s about their whole demeanour and how they approach/handle the situation. I don’t want to have to deal with people like that. If I allow people like that to walk around in my life, then I’m to blame for my own misery.

I’ve had enough. They’re out.

My only advice to everyone, whether you’re a tenant, landlord, or whatever… always pro-actively better your life. We can all do that, albeit with small or big changes. We’re in control.

Incidentally, some random woman I follow on Twitter just Tweeted this horrifically cliché, soppy mess:


Probably slightly more elegant than anything I could ever conjure up, but she summed up my point.

Good night! x

23 Join the Conversation...

Guest Avatar
Jen 18th October, 2012 @ 16:08

Wow, they do sound like lowlifes. The last item (that they rent to let) was the kicker for me.

Guest Avatar
Cardifflandlord 18th October, 2012 @ 18:03

Feel better now you have vented pal?

Nice to see the bitching and whinging is back - almost time for you to head off to Vegas again isn't it? For a while you were far too nice lol!

The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 18th October, 2012 @ 18:12

Yeah, they're just unbelievably frustrating people! Just annoys me that people think it's acceptable to behave like that.

It's always therapeutic to vent, innit?

The bitching and whinging always has its time and place. But some times I try to be helpful, unfortunately.

I was only in Vegas a few months ago, August/September. But you're right, last week I booked to go back in December ha. You got any plans to return this year?

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Benji 18th October, 2012 @ 23:30

Nice one! Good to see you back on form.
Maybe youre like one of those artists who needs some pain before they can produce.

Whats the betting you screw up the section 21 (if you DIY and dont bottle it by using a solicitor). Wrong dates, no P.I, incorrect service,weekly/monthly etc etc.

We could be in for a run of good blogs. Especially if they make you go for a possession order and bailiffs. Or get the council involved.

Not that I wish you any pain but we might as well all have a good laugh about it.


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barbara chabeaux 19th October, 2012 @ 07:45

If this was Facebook, I'd "Like" Benji's comment above.. ;-)

The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 19th October, 2012 @ 08:03

Thanks for being cute you two x

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Mike 19th October, 2012 @ 08:34

Nice to see you back on form. Your rants are like a ray of sunshine to us other hapless landlords and helps us realise we are not alone in our plight.
One of mine has just left the fold. I took his furniture to the local tip on the top of my old Volvo and behind it in the trailer. Cost him a lot of money to move his furniture. The £10 option with the council would have been a winner for him. Thankfully he is now history and aggrevating someone else.

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Katie 20th October, 2012 @ 12:48

I do love your rants, mainly because you say what everyone else is thinking but could never admit to! We're agents - boo hiss, I know - so I dont think my ranting would go down too well with our customers, but we can identify with most of your blog entries at one point or another! Keep up the entertainment and enjoy serving your Section 21 - I hope they go quietly! Nothing like a good Section 21 to make you feel better about fuckwit tenants ;D

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Caring Landlord 22nd October, 2012 @ 07:00

If this was Facebook I'd "Like" , Mike's comment above.

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andrewa 22nd October, 2012 @ 19:24

Here in South Africa we have an institution known as TPN or "tenant profile network" nickname "the landlords trade union"(one does however have to pay dues of a small monthly membership). These nice chaps maintain a computerized list of people who damage property, pay late, pay partially or pay not at all. When one is screening potential tenants I (and all other pro's)turn down anyone listed on TPN immediately. Tenants of this ilk then have no option but to either desist from these practices or cease renting from pro landlords who are union members but must rather rent from a landlord who employs Nigga, George and Philemon to do the rent collection (usually with the asssistance of cricket bats and firearms) Perhaps there is a business opportunity for one of your readers if this service is not yet available in the UK? (you cannot get rental insurance for a tenant who is listed on TPN)

While I cannot pass you a Glock I CAN sell you a CZ model 83 in 9mm Browning 15 years old, one carefull gentleman owner, only about fired about 5000 rounds of +P or lend you a cal.75 Howdah pistol with a kilogram of my best homemade gunpowder (your problem getting them home to Britain ;D)

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ruphilyn 23rd October, 2012 @ 06:30

well you just did the right thing...

Guest Avatar
Armin 29th October, 2012 @ 12:30

And there are people who want to get rid of section 21 ...

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Benji 1st November, 2012 @ 13:49

Hopefully youve calmed down a bit by now and are in a state of mind for some (slightly patronising) constructive critisism.

You do realise youve brought this on yourself?

Assuming you did proper referencing checks in the first place. The day after the first failed rent payment you should have been straight on the phone, possibly followed up by a polite visit. None of this 2 texts in 4 days crap once youd eventually got around to checking your account.

If you had closely monitored your bank account, insisted on the direct debit and served a s21 at the first lie, they wouldn't have thought they could take the piss and use you as a free overdraft facility.

Apologies for stating the bleeding obvious, I expect youve worked this out by now!

How about an update?

Guest Avatar
Adam 7th November, 2012 @ 12:24

Very funny read!

I love the justification for non payment your average single cell ameoba masquerading as a tenant can make.

We've recently had a couple bail after only 3 months of a 12 months fixed term only to stop paying rent immediately after abandoning despite the agreement still being in place and us continually stating the agreement still stands until the point a suitable replacement is found.

The wife's justification to us for non payment was "How are we supposed to afford two lots of rent?!".

Genuinely. There are people like this breathing oxygen.

We're going to have to pursue the remaining rent via court procedures I think. Very frustrating.

Guest Avatar
wetdog 7th January, 2013 @ 08:59

had a problem with a tennant , i let to one lady and daughter , then she moved in 5 ladys and sub let each room ? After 6 months (and always late with rent or short) i asked if i could re decorate the property and they all went away for a weeks holiday , unfortunatly the house was emptyed of all there things and the bathroom removed (i informed the police and got a crime number) , all 5 thick as shit , the council contacted me asking when the ladys could move back in as they are homeless , i said never and please take me to court if you want to know why , no action was ever taken , i was lucky

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naomi 10th December, 2013 @ 16:03

Thank you for making me laugh today. Have had two lots of tenants who have both acted in exactly the same way - so pleased it is nt just me who has to put up with this rubbish!! I hate the fact that we are the ones apparently in the wrong - they should never have moved in if there was going to be an issue with keeping up with the rent!!

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Alex 4th June, 2014 @ 19:14

Sorry to be horribly pedantic, but I think you mean "standing order" not "direct debit" in this article (they are different things, and it's very unlikely that you're set up to take rent by direct debit).

Otherwise, I love your article! I have some troublesome tenants at the moment and reading this makes me feel so much better.

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MrsGrumpy 23rd October, 2014 @ 17:06

I love the blog too...visual valium for me as I try to stay sane whilst dealing with my ANNOYING donkey-felching spactard of a tenant. Seriously, this blog is the only thing that makes me properly laugh these days. GRR,

Guest Avatar
Paul Grantley 22nd October, 2017 @ 08:57

I suffered from benefits fatigue, this being Benefits Britain.
These tenants constantly made the excuse that although they had applied for benefits A, it had affected their claim to benefits B.
Meanwhile, they had also applied for benefits C, which might affect their claim to both benefits A and C.
Tenant Would you mind waiting until it's sorted out?
Me How long?
Tenant Dunno.
Me Ok, no problem, meanwhile I'll just go into the local supermarket, fill up my shopping trolley and tell the cashier that I'll pay for it when your benefits problem is resolved.

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Flopsy 13th September, 2019 @ 21:33

I can empathise having had to deal with the fuckwits who are my current tenants. All they do is moan, won't do even the basic maintenance are beyond rude and entitled. They have the audacity bof complaining when I actually go out of my way to make their stay in my house a good experience.

The hefferlump has punched holes in my floors - no joke. Then there's the throwing dummy out for not getting repairs that are actually non essential. Yet they whine all.the.time. why? I put the rent up by what I contractually am within my rights to do.

Section 21 here we come.

Guest Avatar
Shona 12th March, 2020 @ 14:07

Huh. Maybe stop trying to make a living off a basic human right? Ever had a real 9-5?
I get that some people are shitty. I sure wouldn't want to deal with scum tenants but I'm a bit amazed that any landlord thinks they're some sort of force for good...

The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 12th March, 2020 @ 14:08

Why is a "real 9-5" better than any other work schedule? Just curious.

Guest Avatar
Shona 12th March, 2020 @ 15:54

Good point - not everything needs to follow a 9-5 format and frankly things might be nicer for some freedom of choice.
I'm biased as an ex-private renter for the last 12 years. My landlord, who I was with for the last 10 years of my private renting was someone I thought insanely privileged. They'd inherited an almost 10+ strong property portfolio with most of the places paid off.
I started renting a one bed at £500 which went up to just under £1,000 in that time. He raised rent every year despite asking if I'd stick around forever because good tenants are hard to come by! The dig was that although I grafted like crazy to move up the ranks in my career, I barely kept ahead of the increase in costs (everything by the way - not just rent but it was 60% of my income).
To be...fair or bitter, it's not as though I'd have found anywhere cheaper. That's why I ultimately stayed. I could manage it but I wasn't thriving. And I really resented any implication that I need to up and move from an area I've been putting roots down in because it's becoming unaffordable in under a decade, just because I didn't have the same head start.
We (partner and I) were always one payment or emergency from homeless or in serious debt. We decided not to have children for many reasons but one was certainly because we couldn't see how we could ever afford it. I didn't ever want to be dependant on handouts.
It was a stressful decade. And it just felt like salt being rubbed in to hear him moan about having to...pop round and fix someones cupboard or fix maintenance issues with properties. He put tape on our leaky roof and then he'd be off to exotic locations for months at a time each year. He complained about how little he was getting from housing benefits these days...on a place that was paid off, that he was renting to his out of work step-sister. I felt like he was flat out stealing from the council there.

Anyway. I've been able to get a place of my own and should have paid off the mortgage just in time for retirement, and I'd love to say it was through my own savings and work but I got an unexpected windfall from a relative, so now the irony is I'm more privileged than my hardworking friends and colleagues who earn more than me and are looking at just never being able to afford it.
It just drove me absolutely bonkers to hear him complain about things that were just so out of touch with his own 'customer base'. Hence me thinking that if he'd ever had to go about things like the plebs do, he might have been aware that life doesn't happen how he experienced it for a pretty sizeable majority of the population.

















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