There comes a time when every man has to surrender to his active testosterone, so without further ado, please allow nature to take its course by letting me mentally ejaculate over my website…
While I’ve made my admiration for Property Ladder’s Sarah Beeny loud and clear on many, many, many occasions, I think it’s important for every heterosexual male and homosexual female to be fully aware of some other treats with in the industry. Moreover, let’s face it, with the property market heading for a uphill struggle, half of these candidates may not be in the limelight much longer, so you may all conceive this as a charitable bid to keep them with the E-List celebrity bracket for that little bit longer, as opposed to being a meaningless, seedy little contest…
Some of these fine specimens you may have heard of, and some of them maybe on the same par as Edward Heath. Who? Exactly.
Best known for: A Place in the Sun, Channel 4
Amanda…sophisticated, classy, and looks great in the Channel 4 picture catalogue [which has since been removed, unfortunately] where her tits are strategically exposed for the nation to admire. Cracking body, great face. As for her property credentials…who gives a shit?
Never been a fan of the show because, you know, who cares about “a place in the sun” when I’m stuck in the frickin’ cold? I’ve always been a fan of hers, though.
Sleep with me, ok, Amanda?
Ok, fine, but I still think you’re swell.
Best known for: A Place in the Sun: Home or Away, Channel 4
Who is she exactly? What does she present? Never seen her before.
…where can I buy her calendar from?
I’ve seen pictures of her when she’s been completely dry; I have a basis of comparison, so trust me when I say she looks better wet and semi-naked. But that’s one man’s opinion; call me weird if ya’ like.
Having said that, I wouldn’t mind going for a cup’o’coffee and playing a game of footsies with her under the table, all while she’s dry as toast and dressed like a Caeser salad!
Dry or wet, she’s pretty sexy, innit she? Yes, she is.
Best known for: Location, location, location
One of the better known Property pin-ups. She’s got that thick, curvy athletic body that can be quite intimidating, kind of like a Russian weight lifter. The fear is that she won’t just dominate you the “normal” way, the fear is she will randomly detach your body parts and eat it…But hey, that’s the basis of her appeal.
Every man needs to be handled now and then. I certainly wouldn’t refuse her. In fact, i’d quite happily surrender and suffocate to death in between her breasts. That can be my punishment for writing this disgustingly chauvinistic post. Deal?
Known for: Homes Under The Hammer, BBC
Lucy who?!?!? Well, unless you’re a lazy shit that’s “inbetween jobs right now” or get the luxury of being able to watch daytime TV at 11am during working hours, you won’t see much of this sophisticated little minx. She’s pretty handy for the late risers with the morning woodies. Yeah, I said it.
She’s a tad older than the rest of the group, consequently may appeal to the mature man. But i’ll pay no minds to something as futile as age, experience is welcome in this contest (especially when you look like her). Unlike the majority of the others, she’s petite, so dominating her would be a whole heap of fun.
Best known for: Property Ladder, Channel 4
Sarah Beeny (or the Beeny), by far the most popular and well known Property Guru on TV.
She’s also occasionally noted for her knowledge on property, among a couple of other huge assets.
Breasts aside, she knows her shit when it comes to property development and that’s great masturbation material for any property-enthusiast/psycho right there.
Please cast your votes Ladies and Gentlemen!
Disclaimer: I'm just a landlord blogger; I'm 100% not qualified to give legal or financial advice. I'm a doofus. Any information I share is my unqualified opinion, and should never be construed as professional legal or financial advice. You should definitely get advice from a qualified professional for any legal or financial matters. For more information, please read my full disclaimer.