Me and a few of my loyal companions decided to embark on a challenge- to uncover the ugliest house in the world. What an ambitious challenge, aye?
We put together a list of guidelines to help us unravel the unfortunate piece of shit that is destined to top the poll of being the ugliest house in the world. The guidelines were put in place to enforce some kind of legislation to ensure that we really do crown the bottom of the barrel.
The Criteria for the ugliest house in the world
- 1) The property must be habitable and occupied by a proud owner. There’s no point choosing a property that’s been half destroyed by Bambi (or whatever dumb name hurricanes are given). This isn’t just about finding a pile of rubble, this is about finding something so hideous that it will make your pile of rubble look like a castle.
- 2) We have to take taste and financial circumstances into consideration. For example, simply choosing a shed in the middle of Bangladesh isn’t going to cut the mustard. Some people have no choice about what conditions they live in, so their taste isn’t necessarily reflected by their home. We want to find a property that was consciously purchased/designed out of taste by a keeper. A truly foul monstrosity will have a truly distasteful keeper.
- 3) While chipped windows and rotten paint maybe a sight for sore eyes, they’re not cancerous enough to bring down the house. We need to look beyond the attributes that can be easily healed. Let’s face it, if a house can be cured with a lick of fresh paint and a new set of window frames- how ill could it have been in the first place? For those reasons, we couldn’t crown this foul creation:
Looks absolutely horrendous, right? However, it’s all superficial. It can be healed with a lick of paint.
The bottom line is that we need to look beyond the visual pleasantries and find a shell that is suffering from a disease that has no known cure besides from demolition.
As you can see, we’re not fucking around here. We’re deadly serious about finding the ugliest house in the world. So ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present to you Property Investment Project’s winner for the ugliest house in the world…
Ghastly, isn’t it? This offensive piece of work is located near the 18th hole of the Bighorn golf course in Palm Desert, U.S. “Only in America” comes to mind.
It took me about 5mins to untangle the visual to actually workout what’s going on. I’m still a little confused- how is that not a skateboarding park? Or maybe it is. It looks like a wonderland for any skateboarding enthusiast and/or a perfect hideout for anyone that wants to escape and smoke some weed in a cave.
It would make an ideal snap for a “where’s Wally” insert, right? In this case, the Wally happens to be Duane Hagadone, a publishing tycoon and zillionaire from Idaho. Apparently, Hagadone wanted “a residence that blends into the mountain, that is very subtle, not a pinnacle seen from all angles.” That’s a beautiful vision, but you know what? The end result looks like…shit, and someone clearly has the word “subtle” misconstrued with the word “painfully abstract”. Some may say that the building has character, and I say some people are lost in a world of insanity.
So why is this our winner, besides from the fact it looks Hurriclae Kristina had chewed it up and spat it back out?
- Duane Hagadone designed this heap himself. He didn’t inherit it, he didn’t win it, he didn’t lose the cruellest of all dares to obtain it, he actually designed it. No, I’m being serious. Money can’t buy taste, nor a good architect, apparently.
- Now here’s the real winner. It cost $30million to build. 30 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS!
- Not even a lick of paint can cure this serious case of inadequacy. This truly is the Leprosy of the architecture world.
Does this 32,016-square-foot monstrosity actually blend into the mountains as intended? I’m not convinced. What do you think? Hagadone built the “Neverland” of Palm Desert to retire. Odd, right? He could have saved himself $30million and committed a series of crimes and just moved into Alcatraz for a similar living experience.
The $30million pad has all the ordinary features you would expect from any mansion (I feel a little uneasy calling it a “mansion”). It has curving walls, swimming pools in the shape of human eyes and bat wings for roofs. That’s normnal, right?
As for the local community, the real victims, what do they think of it? Well, apparently there was complete uproar, and they’re still in disbelief that Hagadone got approval to even build the house. Upset residents flooded the city with e-mails, branding the house “an unsightly scar on the hill,” “a blight,” “a monstrosity,” “a pimple” and an “abortion” of city planning. Residents complained that their views of the Santa Rosa Mountains, which enfold the city like a clamshell, had been ruined.
I don’t know why they’re complaining, they’re living near a piece of history- Property Investment Project’s ugliest house in the world. They should be honoured. Ungrateful cry babies.
Here are some more visuals:
We’re open for further suggestions, so if you think you know of an uglier house, or perhaps you even live in an uglier, we’d love to hear from you.
Disclaimer: I'm just a landlord blogger; I'm 100% not qualified to give legal or financial advice. I'm a doofus. Any information I share is my unqualified opinion, and should never be construed as professional legal or financial advice. You should definitely get advice from a qualified professional for any legal or financial matters. For more information, please read my full disclaimer.