I’m Probably Going To Have To Evict My Tenants

Urgh! Urgh! Urgh!

The grunts pretty much sums up the nature of this blog post.

My emotions are volatile right now, so I apologise in advance if I lapse into a paroxysmal fit and say inappropriate shit that no one should ever have to endure.

I was contemplating scraping this blog post entirely in favour of compiling a list, “101 ways to painfully kill my tenants with objects smeared in Gonorrhea- which should I choose?” But then I figured, this world is filled with too many people with an inconceivable level of idiocy, just like my tenants. It only takes someone equipped with a microscopic cranium and zero sense of humour to take it too seriously and report me to the Police, like I compiled a list of regimented methods of how to get recruited by al-Qaeda.

Yeah, so unfortunately, I changed my mind, so I can’t tell you how to strategically kill your tenant with a condom and a pot of Vaseline. Instead, I’m just going to tell you about how I’m probably going to have to evict my tenants because they’re a pair of massive assholes. Either way, I’m sure most of you will get a kick out of it. The last time I let my emotions freestyle onto a blog post, I wasn’t warmed with sympathy, love or huggies, I just got a lot of people telling me I should never refrain from being a hormonal teenager because that’s when I’m at my best.

So, this is a continuation from a post I wrote a few weeks ago, where I was in the process of serving my crazy tenants with a Section 21 notice because they’re delusional fuckwits. I served the notice a few weeks ago, but to no real effect. I guess the writing was on the wall and I shouldn’t be surprised by their reaction, because, ya’ know, my tenants are a pair of numpties.

Sidenote, I may overkill on the pety name-calling. Unfortunately, I can’t help it. That’s what they have reduced me to, but bear with me, I’ll try to grow up before this is post is over.

Quick recap: I served them notice because:

  • 1) they’re ALWAYS late paying rent
  • 2) they physically make me want to chop off my penis, cut it in half, throw each piece down their throats and hope they die from an undiagnosed S.T.D I contracted off a Thai stripper
  • 3) they don’t even have the decency to inform me they’re going to be late with rent
  • 4) they’re too stupid to recognise they’re actually in the wrong
  • 5) they very rarely reply to my text messages or pickup the phone when I call them

(The original, full length version, available here, My crazy tenants)

Before I served them with a Section 21 notice, they were 2 weeks in arrears, and they hadn’t replied to any of my attempts of a peaceful resolution. I sent them multiple text messages and tried calling them a few times to find out when they could clear the outstanding balance. I was even willing to arrange a rental payment plan if that would make life easier for them, but I didn’t hear a peep out of them.

5 days after I served them notice, surprise, surprise… the Chuckle brothers get in touch. I receive a lengthy text message telling me I’m being unfair for serving the notice. Amazing how they suddenly regained their ability to communicate after being mute for 2 weeks. They must have lost their phone.

And that’s exactly the excuse they gave me. No kidding. That’s the kind of people I’m dealing with here. They genuinely must think I was born on the same day as them. Yesterday.

I responded to their text by calmly and concisely explaining why I served notice, and then enquired when they would be able to pay rent.

That was almost 2 weeks ago, and I haven’t heard from them since. So in the space of a month of regular attempts of communication, they contacted me once to inform me I’m being unfair. I don’t think it even entered their little dry-roasted peanut heads that we could have peacefully resolved the situation if they had only bothered to reply to my outreaches, instead of burying their stupid heads in the sand. So now it’s probably going to get ugly(er).

Asshole tenants are almost 2 months in Rent Arrears

So as it stands, they have yet to pay last month’s rent, and they’ll be 2 months in arrears in 2 days time. They’ve NEVER fallen in arrears by this much; they’ve ALWAYS paid by this point, but I’m not so sure that will happen this time. I actually believe they have been made aware of their legal rights (i.e. they can fall 2 months in arrears before I can take any legal action), hence why they haven’t paid yet, and hence why I believe they have been enlightened. A stupid person with knowledge is like a loaded gun. Actually, it’s worse, because “people kill people”, guns don’t.

It’s actually a disgrace that tenants in arrears are advised by institutes like the LHA (Local Housing Allowance) and Citizen’s Advice to remain in the property until the landlord has the legal right to evict them. It happens every day.

I’m in two minds right now. A part of me wants them to pay before they fall 2 months into arrears, for obvious reasons. But another part of me, the one that thrives off justice and the disintegration of dip-shits, wants them to default so I can have the pleasure of watching them get eaten up by the legal system. Please, do NOT let me down, Mr Cameron!

Unfortunately, it maybe a lengthy process until justice is served. I have a sneaky suspicion that these parasites won’t leave without a fight. While most tenants vacate after receiving a Section 8 notice, I believe my tenants are too stupid to leave so easily.

As I said in my previous blog post, this isn’t about the money or taking a roof away from decent people. If someone was genuinely struggling and was trying their best to resolve the situation by communicating with me, I wouldn’t mind so much. I certainly wouldn’t want them to suffer. Being in financial difficulties is HORRIBLE, and I can sympathise. If you’re in that unfortunate situation, deal with it with some grace, otherwise you belong on the streets, fighting over a piss-head’s abandoned kebab with a rat covered in a tramp’s urine, carrying Leptospirosis.

Hopefully they’ll get evicted before Christmas. That will teach them. Merry fucking Christmas.

So, anyways, I want to use a professional eviction service that have some gigantic hairy balls and razor sharpe teeth- do any of you folks read this rubble? If so, help a brother out, innit! x

14 Comments- Join The Conversation...

Guest Avatar
Katie 23rd November, 2012 @ 10:48

Yiu don't need to lose any more money using an eviction service - you're halfway there already! You just need to file for accelerated possession with your local court - you can download the form online and it's very straight-forward to fill in. You have to submit three copies with the tenancy agreement, copy s21 notice & proof the deposit is protected. If they've been informed of their rights they might even stay til the bailiff visits and I doubt it'll be before Christmas :( You might get a possession date by then and you never know, they might go with that! Good luck!!

The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 23rd November, 2012 @ 11:04

Hi Katie,

Thanks for the support!! Really appreciate it.

I'm going to serve them with a Section 8 notice as well. I'm thinking it will be the quicker route in this scenario because it may scare them enough to leave. Also, I can't chase the rent arrears with the Accelerated Possession procedure, I'd need to file a separate case =\

The reason I wanted to use a professional eviction service is because a lot of them have solicitors working for them, and they send out cover letters with the section 8 notices. Section 8 notices with cover letters from an eviction service, with a solicitor signing it off, will probably be a lot more effective!

Thanks again!

Guest Avatar
NS1 23rd November, 2012 @ 11:23

Didn't realise you'd been to Thailand ;)

The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 23rd November, 2012 @ 11:42

Ha, I never said I did :)

Guest Avatar
Jackthelad 23rd November, 2012 @ 12:07

Of course he's been to Thailand.......he writes his blog from there as his main job is cleaning ping pong balls in Bangkok!

Guest Avatar
Benji 23rd November, 2012 @ 13:08

Hello Mate,

It doesn't make sense to pursue the section 8 route. They already have excellent legal advice which will tell them to pay just under the 2 months arrears just prior to the hearing and the Judge won't give you possession. CAB, Shelter, Council TRO etc won't be intimidated in the least by your solicitors covering letter. They might even bang in a disrepair claim for good measure. Far quicker and cost effective to use your existing section 21 and put in a separate claim for the arrears and damage (another prediction!)

As for bottling it and using a solicitor, that also doesnt make sense, unless youve screwed up the section 21 and/or deposit protection.

As I said at the start of this saga-

"Whats the betting you screw up the section 21 (if you DIY and dont bottle it by using a solicitor). Wrong dates, no P.I, incorrect service,weekly/monthly etc etc.

We could be in for a run of good blogs. Especially if they make you go for a possession order and bailiffs. Or get the council involved.

Not that I wish you any pain but we might as well all have a good laugh about it."

Mystic Meg's got nothing on me.

Good blog BTW.

The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 23rd November, 2012 @ 13:21

Hi Benji,

I had the Section 21 checked, and it was served properly! So I know I'll get possession eventually!

But I don't see any harm in serving a section 8 if they do fall 2 months in arrears! I'm pretty sure they will. In that case, why not serve it?

The tenants aren't in receivership of benefits, so the council aren't involved.

Guest Avatar
Benji 23rd November, 2012 @ 13:31

No reason not to try section 8 other than perhaps wasting money.

You've been a bit quiet on the deposit protection and serving the prescribed information, is that all correct?

CAB and Shelter (amongst others) will still get involved even if the tenants aren't on benefits. Always best to assume they are.

Guest Avatar
Smithy 23rd November, 2012 @ 14:50

What about that nice Mr Paul Shamplina from Landlord Action - I've heard very good reports of their services, although I have not had to use them myself (I took the diy route like Katie).

Guest Avatar
Tinny 4th December, 2012 @ 21:51

My sympathies. I only recently got into the dark world of landlords and tenants but I have heard the best story ever (true). My friend's friend who is Croatian had some Russian squatters move into one of her properties that was between tenants a few years back. She was mulling over what to do and then one day, saw a window to the kitchen open (ground floor flat) and jumped in. The Russians were all in the living room and quite surprised to see a 5ft size 6 Croatian woman suddenly appear in her...hmmm sorry now their living room. She politely explained she does not believe in British system of fairness to squatters and that if they are not out by the next day, she will deal with it Croatian way. At the same time she looked deeply into their eyes and said: " You are Russian, so you know what I mean."
She then jumped out of the kitchen window. They were gone by the next day. She did not have a 'Croatian way' of dealing with it. She was just bluffing. But it worked.

Guest Avatar
Benji 5th December, 2012 @ 00:28

Hello Tinny,

No need for that nowadays.
Since squatting in residential buildings is now a criminal offence, the Police will do all the dirty work.

Guest Avatar
Rubicon 5th March, 2014 @ 18:34


Guest Avatar
Benji@hotmail.com 5th March, 2014 @ 20:49

If you are referring to me, I don't do slumlording as I don't need to.

If you are referring to the posh feller running this site, he would crap himself if he had to get involved with anything resembling a slum.

If you are a landlord providing decent homes for people who would otherwise live in slums, then you have my admiration.
Somehow I doubt it.

Guest Avatar
Mr Credible 10th April, 2014 @ 10:42

Not sure if this is quite the right post to add my remarks, but in view of where this one appears to be and some other comments on the site, here goes.

I am in the middle of 2 sets of tenants behind with their rent.

1 single guy lost decent job, had expectations of new one, I allowed to stay but served appropriate notices when he finally got 2 months behind. Has always maintained he wanted to catch up, but never quite managed it, as jobs didn't quite work out. Went through lots of adjustments, but finally persuaded him to surrender the tenancy and leave. Left and the place needed no more than a full clean for new tenants. He still owes money but has agreed, and is so far paying on, a schedule.

2nd couple got behind with rent, served notices, then she has baby, and where I should have gone to court to evict them, I was told that baliffs don't like evicting babies ... She told us he had left, and moved out last week. I arrange change of locks, and he breaks in the day after by drilling the lock. Called police on grounds he was now illegally in property but because they say he believes he still live there and is prepared to fix the damage done, he has to be allowed to stay.... despite now having no way to pay any back rent or pay and rent going forward.

I had a look around inside, and while not trashed, is going to need a load of cash to fix it when he is persuaded to leave.

What is almost as galling (is that still a word) is that while I was there with the police, his sister and sister in law turn up to ask why we are hassling him in his house,, and I overhear sister on phone to parents, 'No its just normal people,can't be baliffs or anyfink...'

I think of myself as reasonable and yes I'm in this as a major investment, but money grabbing... hardly.

I could go on, but I won't !


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