The Time My Friend Wanted To Be My Tenant

I’ve slowly started to spread the word amongst my friends and family that I’m about to have a vacant property available for rent (as soon as my current vacates).

Access DeniedWhile I’m undounbtbale going to market my rental on Rightmove and Zoopla, I couldn’t resist making it public knowledge to my peers on Facebook.

All I did was mention that I’ll shortly have a 2 bedroom house available for rent, and if anyone was interested to contact me to discuss business. Facebook is always worth a shot, even if it means I have to deal with that awkward moment of notifying a dearest and nearest that I wouldn’t rent out my property to them if they were the last tenant on the planet.

I quickly received an interested response from a dude (let’s call him Arnold for ease) that read my status. He’s not a close friend, nor is he a stranger; he’s wedged in the middle somewhere, but closer to being friend than foe. I know enough about him to know he’s not a complete dickhead, consequently I didn’t dismiss his interest immediately. I provided him details of the property, which triggered his interest further. Fan-fucking-tastic, I thought!

Yesterday afternoon I showed Arnold around the property while my current tenant followed us around like a lost puppy (I hate it when tenants do that). Seriously, just give me space to do my job, i’m not going to masturbate on the bedsheets or pocket your loose change on the kitchen counter while no one is looking, you get me?

After the viewing, Arnold said he wanted in! He was very interested! thought this was my lucky day because I had effortlessly found a tenant with in a day of inactively searching. I couldn’t ask for anymore.

As we had come to the end of the tour, we both stood outside the property with smiles, shaking hands, and that’s when he hit me with a nuclear stink bomb…

I’m not employed at the moment, so I’ll be getting the money through the council. Also, are you willing to look past the deposit? That might be a struggle for me.

That’s cool, ain’t it?

Are you bloody mental? That’s literally the furthest fucking thing from cool.

Urgh. I felt he intentionally withheld those vital and bone-crushing details because he thought our pre-existing familiarity with one another would make me numb to his wildly undesirable circumstances. Perhaps if I was 16 and/or fell off the turnip truck yesterday his master plan would have come to fruition. Fortunately, neither was the case.

He could have mentioned his circumstances before we both got erections and started shaking hands over forming a new tenant/landlord relationship. I genuinely felt he put in a real awkward situation.

But hey, I guess I can’t fault him. He saw and opportunity and he tried his luck.

Long story short, I basically told him I have more viewings scheduled (which I didn’t at that point), and I will assess each applicant on their own merits.

“THANKS FOR COMING BY, I’LL CALL YOU!”

I won’t.

So yeah, I basically pulled the plug on the whole arrangement there and then. It was quite the anti-climax.

What Arnold and I had briefly experienced was a typical teen-relationship, which had a life span of two minutes.

Would Arnold have made a good or bad tenant? It’s impossible to know, but I wasn’t willing to take the chance to find out.

So it’s back to my original plan of marketing the property through online property portals. I’m still undecided on whether or not I should unfriend Arnold from Facebook, just to make life less awkward. Hopefully he’ll show me mercy and do us both a favour by unfriending me first.

8 Comments- Join The Conversation...

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Ginsterlam 21st June, 2010 @ 15:12

Brilliant read!!
You never fail to amuse me Landlord! I think you should write at least one article a day instead of one every couple of weeks!
By the way, I tried out Upad re: web portals and found their service to be very good and infomative.
Regards.....

1
The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 21st June, 2010 @ 17:58

Ha, thanks a lot, Ginsterlam! Unfortunately I don't have time to write an article every day, but I am trying to post more frequently! Also, not enough incidents occur in my landlording life to warrent writing every day! But that's probably a good thing!

I try to post a new article every 3-5 days, at the moment!

Upad looks likes a good service, I've yet to try it out. I may give it a spin! Thanks for the tip :)

2
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Ginsterlam 21st June, 2010 @ 19:17

My request is of course totally selfish so take no notice. I just thoroughly enjoy reading your articles!!
On behalf of everyone, thank you so much for keeping us all completely amused yet concisely informed at the same time.
You rock! :D

3
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Aunty P 21st June, 2010 @ 20:05

Not many people could get away with writing in such a crude style but you do every time! Very entertaining and as usual right on the button. By the way I like the new look site. Looking forward to the next post already!

4
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andy beveridge 27th July, 2010 @ 09:01

I am a dss tenant and am having trouble finding a place. I think you were absolutely f*&*$ng......correct to say 'no', as he did withhold the information so as to make you feel obliged to say yes after shaking hands. Good read.

5
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Daniel Fraser 25th November, 2010 @ 15:13

Funny stuff! Poor arnold though.

6
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Dolores 17th October, 2016 @ 08:08

Not all dss people are the same, I have had 3 landlords in 13 years and all of my landlords have given me good references, my present landlord (in my 6th year ) only comes around if I phone him, and he always asks if I live in my flat because it always looks so good, I can't afford the £450.00 increase but it will bring them inline with the other rents.

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Guest Avatar
Lee 28th March, 2017 @ 07:35

Dolores this is a 6 year+ old article; but I'll bite on your 6 month old comment. The main issue is with the councils, not the tenants. In that respect, all DSS tenants ARE actually the same because that is a common affliction. There isn't a single council in this country that isn't plagued with keeping up with payments. Oh and the premiums, fucking hell the insurance premiums on renting to DSS. You either pay out of your arse for it (when you don't even have to, I could put either on my flats on the market to let now and both would be taken within a week by working professionals who won't fuck up my premiums); or absolutely wing it and be in the shits when the council suddenly pulls the plug on all payments and you don't have a clue why because DPA; oh and to further put the plunger down the blocked shitter, they'll advise said tenant that if they leave the property, they're even more fucked than they already are because they won't help them.

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