Who watched last night’s (28th July 2099) Property Snakes & Ladders (Series 6 Episode 8)?
Successful entrepreneurs Nigel and Sarah have a romantic notion that they can make a quarter of a million pounds by creating a swanky LA pad in the heart of a run down bit of Rotherhithe, East London.
I don’t usually dedicate individual blog posts to episodes of Property Ladder, but fuck me, it was car crash TV, so keeping my big mouth shut over this shit required too much effort.
It was horrible, it was hideous, truly sickening….and I loved it. Throughout the episode I was waiting for Sarah Beeny to say the entire episode was a sick joke while taking her off top and calling my name. Sorry, what? Anyways..
It had all the signs of a joke- the developers purchased an old sausage factory. They wanted to spend 10k on a fish tank for the bathroom. They wanted to cover the place in purple velvet and leopard skin. Come on, surely, it’s a joke?
Unfortunately, it was never confirmed to be a joke, so I was left watching the darn thing in entire disbelief, with my jaw resting on the ground.
Who remembers this couple, Richard Chan and Isabelle Peno?
A few seasons ago I nominated Richard & Isabel as being the worst developers on the entire planet. Well, they’re now being joined by another set of chuckle brothers’, Nigel and Sarah.
As people, they seemed nice enough, but as developers, they were soul destroying individuals. I mean, it’s not that they were completely stupid, they were just completely ignorant. The fact they thought they were all-knowing was beyond cringe worthy. I was on the floor shaking like I had a snake bite, begging for them to stop talking, developing…moving.
They had this very
bizarre specific idea of what they wanted from the development. Sadly, I fail to believe the ideas floating around in their heads’ were generated by sane minds. They clearly didn’t understand the industry, and to invest over £1m into something you don’t understand is financial suicide. It was like watching children trying to decorate a doll’s house.
I think my favourite bit was when Beeny suggested splitting the property into 3 flats to minimize loss. Of course, as per, it was a smart, sensible suggestion from the Beeny. Nigel and Sarah went against the idea because apparently, they wouldn’t “enjoy” developing flats over a house. Right, that’s a great reason to defy good business advice…*slaps forehead*
I’m still amazed that people go on Property Ladder and brush Sarah’s advice aside so easily. It makes me wonder if these people have ever watched an episode. A scarier thought would be that these people have watch Property Ladder religiously, but failed to learn a damn thing. If I went onto Property Ladder it would be a pretty mundane episode; I would just say, “What do you think, Sarah? Yes, you’re right, let’s do that, Sarah”, the entire time. Who’s the expect here? I know it’s not me.
Ordinarily I would have flicked that shit over and watched the Antiques Road Show, but there was something unusually intoxicating about watching these two cheese-dildos in action.
Anyways, I’m not going to write a long essay on how terrible these clowns were because I’m more interested on your thoughts about the episode. I rarely remember the specifics of many Property Ladder developments, but I’m pretty sure this one will haunt me for a few good years.
This is what they did wrong:
- 1] They didn’t listen to Beeny
- 2] They set an unrealistic budget
- 3] They bought an overpriced property
- 4] They bought at the peak of the property boom
- 5] They targetted the wrong market
- 6] They stopped development for months
- 7] They catered for their own taste
- 8] They spent money on unnecessary shit, which wouldn’t have added any value
- 9] They got emotionally involved with the development
- 10] They purchased a property which was on the market for 4 years without any hesitation
This is what they did HALF right…
- listened to Beeny about splitting the house into flats, when it was too late (so they only get half a point here)
On a more positive note, it’s a perfect example of how NOT TO develop property. In fact, Sarah Beeny should release the episode as a DVD and title it, “The Developer’s Bible on how to develop shit property”
I’m sure she’d make a killing.
It’s not too late to watch it
For those that missed it, I urge you to watch it. It’s not too late. Catch it on Channel 4’s website, over here. It’s brilliant!!