My Tenant Has Absolutely Hideous Taste In Decoration & Furniture

As a general rule, I don’t provide furniture with any of my rentals, so it’s left in the capable hands of my tenants to organise.

Or in this case, tragically incapable hands, and evidently, eyesight to boot.

I’m still bemused at how someone can have such disgustingly sinful taste and a requirement for such little free space! The furniture was timelessly awful, straight out of a seedy motel from the 60’s, and it was occupying virtually every square inch available. The key pieces of furniture were positioned so awkwardly that movement around the house was challenging. I occasionally had to turn sideways and suck my stomach in just to navigate through certain areas.

I doubt I’ll be able to articulate the horror – not sure if that’s a good or bad thing – but I’ll give it a whirl.

• Total mismatch shambles! There was absolutely zero consideration, theme, rhyme or reason for the assortment of furniture and ornaments that had been tossed together.

  You’d think that a room full of mis-matched junk would look like a theme in itself, but somehow she managed to make a room full of junk seem ill-fitting next to one another. I don’t have a clue how she managed to pull it off, but she did.

• Unusual clutter – I’ve had a few hoarder tenants in the past, so hoarding alone doesn’t particularly phase me, although I did think it’s fucking weird. In all fairness, this tenant isn’t the most excessive, but the rooms definitely felt cluttered. But that wasn’t what alarmed me, it’s what he chose to clutter the house with.

  I’ve had tenants’ clutter with crockery, books, paintings, figurines, candles, the stuff you’d expect, really. My tenant is hoarding tupperware (more on that next), plastic plant pots, espresso machines (I must have seen at least 6 of them), unopened packs of biscuits (literally in every room), and wicker baskets, not to mention cabinets, all varying in colour, shapes and sizes, filled with figurines and ornaments.

• Tupperware. Everywhere! – this was bizarre and I don’t know how anyone could explain it. There were empty tupperware containers stacked up in almost every room. All different sizes. EVERYWHERE!

  Why the fuck would anyone want to keep tupperware in a bedroom? WHY, for the love of God?

• Hideous focal points – walk into the main living room, and your eyes will quickly draw towards the floor, which features a bright red Persian rug, with silhouette donkeys on it. I’m not joking, donkeys! No, not cute donkeys either.

  The rug covered every square inch of the floor, and actually crept up two of the walls, removing all signs of the beautiful hardwood flooring.

• Over sized furniture – the living room is swallowed by an enormous computer desk that was located in the corner of the room, but reached into the centre of the room, creating a nicely inconvenient obstruction for well intentioned passer-byers.

  I must have bumped into the edge of the table at least three times.

• Polyester wardrobe – ordinarily, I wouldn’t have an issue with a polyester wardrobe, because they might just be the result of budget constraints. So if that was an isolated feature, then fine.

  But because all six of their polyester wardrobes are part of an overall bombsite, it really was, ironically, eerily fitting to the story.

• Waterproof sheets – the dining table and one of the sofas in the living were covered in transparent waterproof sheets.

  I’m lost for words.

• Deer skulls – at least, I think they were deer skulls, which were hanging on the kitchen wall, NEXT TO THE FUCKING DINING TABLE.
• Long, black velvet curtains – every window initially came with blinds when they moved into the property. No idea where they are, but they have been replaced with thick velvet curtains that drag across the floor. It reminded me of the Adam’s Family.

To each their own, I guess!

Really, I don’t care how people live as long as their hygiene and cleanliness is of a reasonable standard.

It should come as no surprise to learn that while I was showing the prospective tenant around the property, I was drowning in embarrassment. As we entered each room, I was mortified by the prospect of what might appear, and I think he may have felt the same. In some weird and wonderful way, we bonded that day. I’m sure it’s a day neither of us will ever forget.

I was actually thinking there is no way this dude – or any other human – would want to rent this junkyard, while hoping that he could see past the clutter, and focus on the potential space. But that seemed like a tall order for any mere mortal with partially functioning vision. I’m sure he’s gone for good, but the memories will last forever.

Anyways, there was NO WAY ON GOD’s GREEN EARTH I was going to take photos of that monstrosity!!

So the plan now is to wait until my tenant vacates with his junk and ill-fitting props. Fortunately, I didn’t plan on taking anymore viewings until my tenant vacated because I plan on undergoing mild restoration in the kitchen.

Don’t suppose this has happened to anyone else?