Dear Diary #9: My Mortgage Application Got Refused. Is My Broker An Idiot?

Mortgage application rejected

Dear Diary,

(Yes, yes, yes, I bloody know in my previous entry I said the Dear Diary crap was starting to feel stupid. It’s staying, okay?).

I haven’t checked in for a few weeks. Don’t worry, I’m alive and well, but my mortgage broker might be an idiot. Although, there’s a chance he’s not.

He probably is.

So, you remember that mortgage application I completed with my broker a few weeks ago? It got rejected by the lender, so I’ve been waiting around like a lemon, twiddling my thumbs, while my broker earns his pay cheque by getting that gigantically concerning issue resolved ASAP.

I’ve heard that the the process of buying a house can take anywhere between 6 – 16 weeks on average, and I confirm that the rumours are try, 99.99999% of that time entails waiting around for other people to do their job and get shit done. But the problem with that is, you’re relying on other people. And the problem with that is, other people are unreliable, and quite frankly, wallies.

Anyways, needless to say, I’m up shit creek without a paddle without the cheese.

So a few weeks ago I received a nervy call from Lee, my mortgage broker:

We might have a slight issue

I sit down and prepare myself for a stroke.

Okay, what is it? I’m sitting down.

Northern Rock are being a bit iffy about approving your application. I think they now need to take your yearly salary into account and therefore need further documentation from you.

I found that odd, because BTL mortgages are usually based on the rental return, not the borrower’s salary. I’m assuming lenders’ are starting to tighten up their game.

Left side of my face starts to droop and feel numb.

Great time to do that. Okay, so now what? Should we be worried?

Leave it with me, I’ll see what I can do. It’s not over.

That’s the spirit!

For the record, if Lee has to get on his knees and suck aubergine-shaped objects to make this happen, then I’m going to support him. To clarify, I’m talking about providing spiritual support, not physically supporting his head while his neck is thrusting back and forth like a chicken’s. That would be totally inappropriate, I don’t mix business with pleasure.

Two weeks later, I haven’t heard a peep. Is my broker an idiot?

Err… Lee… Hello?

Anyone home?

I’ve left two messages for him in the past two weeks. What’s going on here? Is this normal behaviour? Is ignoring the client protocol?

I’m not sure who’s to blame here (it’s certainly not me), but there is a definite breakdown in what I had hoped to be a smooth property purchase.

Where the fuck are you, Lee?

I’m going to try again (four days ago), even though I shouldn’t be the one chasing here. I look desperate. I am desperate.

He miraculously picks up, and my anxiety levels instantly drop to the ground like a granite boulder.

“Oh, thank God, you’re still alive, Lee”


He offered a vague and unconvincing story about the lender being excruciatingly slow at responding because it’s the Christmas period and apologised for the radio silence.

Oh, okay, right.

I played nice and told him I understand (I don’t), because right now I feel like he holds some crucial chips. But I did politely request for him to keep me informed of progress, even of the delays. I don’t mind delays as long as I’m kept in the loop. It’s the not-knowing that stings and clogs my arteries.

He graciously acknowledged my request.

In the back of mind, I’m still baffled as to why I would need to request being informed.

What an idiot!

This morning the sun shines!

After a lot of ass-scratching and chair spinning, I received the call from Lee this morning. He had an update for me.


Lee, you beautiful man!

You really aren’t an idiot! I’m so relieved!

How did you do it?

It turns out that Northern Rock requires three months worth of payslips and I only sent them one. So it wasn’t that they weren’t happy with your salary, or that they’re basing the entirety of the loan on your salary, they just needed more paperwork as part of their due diligence.

I waited around almost three weeks for that?

And my salary wasn’t even the issue?

Well, in that case, you’re an idiot.

But I’m happy! Mortgaged sorted.

Thanks, Lee.

6 Join the Conversation...

Guest Avatar
ivana Reichelt 15th October, 2009 @ 15:34

My lender makes me turn into a big green monster.
My husband is in iraq. We are first time home buyers.I believe that is the main reason he is not working. My lender waits two days before to let me know we need 1500 dollars more to close. I scramble to get the money. everyday he has me driving an hour to drop off some paperwork. I've been in this process for over 5 months. Yesterday we were informed big possibility we won't get the house. Tomorrow is our deadline. We need a miracle. I cannot believe after all I have been through we will end up losing about 3 grand. There has to be something illegal he is doing and I swear I will find it!

Guest Avatar
twattybollocks 15th October, 2009 @ 16:14

Go for it Ivana.

Hope you hubby and his colleagues are keeping safe in Iraq.


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Amy G 9th July, 2011 @ 01:36

Sounds exactly like our experience a couple of years ago, extremely irritating for a 'simple' first time buyer experience!
Just happened to stumble over your site while trawling through research, on the brink of embarking on our first 'buy-to-let' adventure. I read through your journey of becoming a Landlord (years after the event...) so glad I've found this: the information, and humour, is invaluable! Thanks!

Guest Avatar
Amy G 9th July, 2011 @ 01:37

P.S. you are American, yes?

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Dan 3rd May, 2013 @ 01:23

:-)))))) my fucking good, I have been loughing at this post for the last half an hour, poor Lee, what he has to go trough to get the mortgage deal trough :-)))))))) lol lol lol

Guest Avatar
Ron 14th January, 2014 @ 14:56

About a year ago i was informed of a new mortgage packager called SPF funding based in Plymouth that insisted they were better than anyone else on the market and they had specialist lending facilities.
I discussed this with a few friends of mine and then we decided to give them a go with a few of our own personal cases.
At first we seemed to be kept informed by their main member of staff Mark Allsopp who can be pleasant at first but then completely shows his rude unprofessional arrogance as soon as you question him further. We have this broker swearing and making verbal threats to us which we recorded at the time. He is a complete conman who trades under various aliases such as Nathan Finn, Damain, Arthur Marshall, Andrew Ellis and so on.
He is a complete crook and basically creates and copies mortgage paperwork to make unsuspecting customers feel like they can get lending at some pretty fantastic rates. He also goes around the country recruiting brokers promising them great business terms only to leave them holding the can once he has obtained his money and done a quick runner.

This company creates lenders paperwork and poses as an outfit that is very legitimate. But under closer scrutiny it is very apparent that this organisation is about as fraudulent as they can get. They prey on individuals who require funding and charge very large fees in order to do so but have no intention of delivering the product.

Over the year we have countless updates where Mark or SPF constantly are blaming other parties for delays or innocent mistakes such as we have sent your completion funds to the solicitor but 24 hours later on more than 5 occasions it has not turned up and has been sent to another incorrect account.
They state that they have a credit line facility with Standard Chartered bank but the bank has never heard of them in any country apart from being mentioned associated to fraud. They also mention they deal with other lenders all overseas but when it comes to actually doing any professional lending they don't have one reasonable response to anything.
They have also made up solicitors websites to convince people that they work with other legal professionals.

They have taken thousands of pounds off people i know and never once refunded anybody even though they have a habit of making a promise in writing on email every week. Now it has got to the crux of the matter and they have ran out of reasons as to why they cant send the money over, they have quite simply done what all dodgy packagers and brokers do which is stop answering calls from clients.
Please beware of these guys as they are well known for basically stealing your money whilst promising you the earth in terms of financial products. They are currently in the process of a criminal investigation and prosecution.
I am sure you will see a lot more information on this outfit being publicised over time. Please beware.

















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