The Estate Agent That Wouldn’t Stop Shouting!

Angry shouting estate agent

Disclaimer: This blog post isn’t going to benefit anyone but myself. The only reason I’m even writing it is because my best friend often reads my blog and I’m hoping he discovers it.

And actually, despite what the title implies, this story probably says more about my inappropriate and childish sense of humour rather than anything else.

Anyways, I shall begin.

My best friend, let’s call him Trevor, recently came into a bit of money and he’s now looking to buy his first property. Good for him.

When we started discussing how his property hunt was unfolding, he mentioned that he had viewed a few properties and even made an offer on one. As the discussion progressed, I asked him which Estate Agency he was using. Turned out it’s an agency I’ve had dealings with in the past, so I asked him what the name of his agent.

Before he disclosed his name, he couldn’t have praised the agent more. After his eyes eventually stopped rolling at the back of his head, he managed to mutter his name.

Ah, a familiar name. I knew the guy, but not through my dealings with the estate agency. In fact, he wasn’t even an estate agent when I knew him, he was a bum that sloshed around on a sofa all day, playing computer games and eating kebabs, while his girlfriend funded his lifestyle. He had a seemingly good life, I wonder what went so terribly wrong?

I used to be good friend’s with his girlfriend (we’ll call her Jasmine), which was a reality the agent didn’t really appreciate at the time.

Being the understanding and jovial character that I am, I totally understood why he had hostility towards me. It simply boiled down to basic maths. I had a flourishing career while he had nothing to do but get his game controller greasy with congealed kebab fat. I was less than half his size, while he resembled a human jacket potato.

One day Jasmine was at my house because I was helping her out with some work. During one of our many breaks, she logged onto her Facebook to check recent activity. While I was sat next to her, I took over the keyboard and changed her status to “[insert her name] is doing [insert my name].”

I don’t even know why I did it! It wasn’t particularly funny, I just did it, and we just laughed it off.

Literally within 10 seconds of updating her status, her phone started blowing up. Obviously, it was him.

She picked up, and I could instantly hear him frantically screaming down the phone like someone had pried open his hands and snatched his kebab away from him. He was literally going into meltdown, asking her why that was her status.

Her response was, “He was just messing around, it wasn’t anything serious”

He then asked to talk to me, so she passed the phone over.

Okay, great.

*slaps forehead* The feeling of regret slowly started to creep in at this point.

I put him on loud speaker while he instantly redirected his rage onto me. Literally, at the top of his voice, he kept enquiring why I updated her status and where I lived! Over and over again…

WHY DID YOU DO IT? WHY? WHERE DO YOU LIVE? WHY?

Oh man, what a classic! It took me back to childhood.

He insisted I should meet him face-to-face like a man.

I’m not sure what was going on in his head (or if anything at all?), but in a bizarre turn in events, he quickly stopped talking about a face-to-face duel, but instead started informing me how well endowed is compared to me. No, he had never seen my penis, from what I was aware. But to be fair, I wasn’t doubting him.

In any case, I had no idea what was going on, or why he had taken the conversation in this direction. One minute he was asking me why I updated Jasmine’s status, then he was telling me to meet him, next he started discussing his penis.

Did he hate me or want to fuck me?

Funny thing was, he was shouting so much that he was exhausting himself; his speech started to slowdown and become less coherent as he was gasping for air, it was almost as if he was running out of battery. But he didn’t seem phased, he just kept going. Loudly.

All I kept saying was, “Calm down, it was a joke!”

Unsurprisingly, that just fuelled his rage. Never tell a mad man to calm down!

I have genuinely never heard anyone reach such high decibels for so long, repeating the same words, and for no worthwhile reason. He must have shouted for approx 10 minutes non-stop.

I literally became concerned for his health, so I ended up putting the phone down just to put him out of his misery, because I don’t think he would have ever stopped. I’m pretty sure he would have keeled over and died of exhaustion before ending the conversation. You could say I saved my best friend’s agent’s life!

It wasn’t surprising that Jasmine left in a hurry shortly after, most likely due to embarrassment.

In hindsight, my biggest regret: failing to record the damn thing. Sadly, my limited abilities will never be able to articulate what actually happened, specifically how outraged he was.

After I shared my experience with Trevor, he laughed and said… “Yeah, he’s still a top bloke!”

Moral of the story? Trevor’s agent can shout relentlessly for long durations.

10 Join the Conversation...

Guest Avatar
Jackthelad 14th September, 2012 @ 08:44

Never mind that...... Did u ever sleep with the agents girlfriend?
If not, why not? And is he still with her?
Also (and let me pre-empt this comment by saying its just the sort
of situation I get myself in on a regular basis) you were at fault here
for antagonising him whilst he was clearly feeling insecure and
Insignificant whilst out of work.....
It's not your best friends fault that by coincidence he's using that agent
but perhaps you can sleep with both girlfriends at once to make it right.
:))

1
The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 14th September, 2012 @ 09:05

Yes, but way before they were ever together. I'm actually not sure if he knew that though, but it wasn't a secret.

They're not together anymore. She's dating some other chav that wears 9ct gold hooped earrings and has an army regulation haircut. He looks like a proper jar head.

Hmm I did antagnise him, agreed. However, his reaction was over the top and ridiculous. If I were him, I actually wouldn't have cared.

Oh, it's absolutely not my friend's fault that by coincidence his agent is that guy. But now he knows, he should do the honourable thing and take his business and commission to some other agent :)

I'm clearly the victim here!

2
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Jackthelad 14th September, 2012 @ 09:18

Ok so not only did you antagonise the agent but you did it
whilst you were spending time with his girlfriend whom you had previously slept
with and for all he knew, were still trying to (in fact you probably were).
He did know you had slept with her previously which is why he mentioned the
size of his penis because his girlfriend had obviously downplayed your
manhood in order to justify keeping you as a friend!
Women do that sort of crazy shit and we fall for it.....

3
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pete 15th September, 2012 @ 08:58

Knob!
You - not just him
and on the basis that you plainly don't think he can change you must presumably still be a completely knob.

4
The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 15th September, 2012 @ 09:26

Firstly, it really wasn't that long ago. No one recovers from psychological episodes like that so quickly and without professional help. Best case scenario, he's temporarily suppressed his anger, like The Hulk. He'll snap again.

Secondly, my last memory of him was so negative that he'll always be a knob to me until I see differently. Pretty normal if you ask me.

Thirdly, you contradict your own damn point. You still refer to him as a knob, even though you're telling me he could have changed. If you can't even support your own point, don't expect anyone else to.

Knob.

5
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Eric 15th September, 2012 @ 13:22

hahaha great stuff. Sounds like his insecurities nearly killed him :)

6
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Cab4iste 22nd March, 2013 @ 12:42

I've just recently come across this website and I have to say it's just brilliant, i love how your mind works and how it seems to draw the humourless in that to leave silly insulting comments. like a dull moth to a flame! :D

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lisa 19th July, 2016 @ 10:11

I had to move because I had a threatening and intimidating landlord. I was a good tenant to him but he some how took a dislike to me. My gas boiler broke I was left without hot water for over 6 months. I told my landlord several times about the problems all I got was threats down the phone he even came to my flat I was living in and threatened me in front of my neighbours and people walking past the street. I had my living room ceiling crave in massive hole in the ceiling. I had water pouring into my electrics sockets from a upstairs flat. Damp and mould every where. He was never once civil to me. It caused me so much distress and anxiety that I had to leave without giving him any notice. I was just sick and tired with all the threats and intimidation. I had to move to a different location ive now got a much more better landlord who is professional and reasonable with his tenants. Ive had no problems with my new private landlord. There is good and bad landlords and good and bad tenants but no one should ever be threatened and intimidated by anyone. No one should ever feel scared to live in their rented accommodation.

8
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douchebag 24th August, 2017 @ 23:20

What are you doing flirting with other people's girlfriends and updating Facebook status to f-ing someone else's gf?

Maybe you're a douchebag yourself?

9
The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 25th August, 2017 @ 09:22

Ha, Jesus, I forgot about this blog post. I dare not read it again, but I vaguely remember the details.

Good times.

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