How To Be A Shit Landlord

Written by on 15 Jun 2009

1. Be a treehugger, don’t use a Tenancy Agreement, or any other paper-consuming document.

2. There’s no room for empathy- you don’t want to hear excuses. You’re running a business, not a charity shop.

If you’re a shit-fuck and ignored point #1, then redeem yourself by putting the following into your tenancy agreement:

1.1: I don’t want to hear excuses. You will not give me any. Ever.
1.2: I am running a business, not a charity shop.

3. Reserve your precious energy; don’t waste your time making quarterly inspections. All problems can be settled after your tenant has moved out with…
the security deposit
and a
baseball bat.

4. There should never be any immediate rush into making repairs. You’re already giving your tenant a place to stay. If you give them too much they’ll eventually expect you to lick the gum off their shoes. As long as you, the landlord, have hot food and water, nothing else really matters.

5. How often do properties actually burn down or randomly topple over? Building insurance is pointless. Kind of like that guy from Wham. Not George Michael, the other one that did nothing. What’s his name?

6. When a tenant calls, it’s NEVER good news. Ignore the RING-RING, RING-RING.

7. If rent is 24 hours late, hand out both Section 8 and Section 21 like candy. Most tenants are clueless, they’ll be scared and most likely cough up the doe.

8. Reference checks are as reliable as a chocolate teapot.

9. Giving tenancy to someone with a bigger physical presence than yourself is suicide. I only recruit scrawny nerds or elderly women so I can lay the smack down if they cross the line. Physical violence and threatening antics are always reliable tools if you want to walk down the road to victory.

10. Don’t be afraid to throw your weight around. You’re THE LANDLORD- overshadow your tenant with your menacing authority.

11. Replacing the locks is like having abortions- the best form of pest control.

12. If you like chavs and want to support their cause, then declare your earnings to the snake-oil taxman. Otherwise, be a man and keep the moolah tucked under your mattress.

13. Don’t bother using a Tenancy Deposit Protection Scheme. Use the money on a long deserved holiday, or something as worthwhile, like a wicked Pioneer basebox for the boot of your car.

14. At the end of a tenancy, pick up on every motherfucking glitch like a hawk so you can hold back some, if not all, of the deposit. If you look hard enough, you’ll find enough damages.

15. Don’t be scared to dish out Notice Of Rent Increase Forms, especially to long term tenants that are reliable and in their ultimate comfort zone. They’ll most likely pay the new shiney rate since they’re nicely settled in.

16. Following on from point 15, capitalizing on profit should be the bread and butter aim for all landlords.

17. ALWAYS assume the tenant is completely oblivious to their rights- because that’s usually the case, and you’ll consequently save a bundle of cash. With that in mind, forget Gas Safety Certificates, Energy Performance Certificates, and the alike.

18. DSS tenants are the holy grail of tenants. Embrace them like newly born children embrace the nipples of their mothers’.

19. You’re paying the mortgage; you’re keeping the rain off your tenant’s head, never forget that. You owe them nothing.

20. The property your tenant is in is YOURS, not theirs. You can enter and leave it as you please.

21. Start a blog and start bitching about your tenants for fun.

Add to the list, please…

66 Comments - join the conversation...

Showing 17 - 66 comments (out of 66)
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Facewagon2010-03-17 09:32:09 Dougal, just because one set of people are money grabbing arseholes does not stop another section of people from being money grabbing arseholes.

Thanks. 17
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Mr Realistic2010-03-23 22:34:45 Landlords are not cunts, they have merely chosen through birth or by design to rise above the rest of the scum that now occupies 2/3's of the population of this once great nation. Firstly, there is the single mums, lets face it if they can't keep a fella then what chance are they going to have at saving their benifits up for the month to pay you on time, when they could just as easily spend it on fags, booze and spreading their legs in order to bring another poor hapless fatherless bastard into the world. Secondly, we have students, ok when we had a manufacturing industry in this country and made something more complex than a cheese burger, there was a definite need to send young people to an unsupervised, drug an alcohol fueled holiday camp, to waste 3 years of tax payers hard earned cash in order that they could protest that a local conservation site was due to be demolished in order to make way for such a useless thing as a link road, or a hospital. But we make fuck all... appart from debt and shitty boxes of over priced fudge to be sold at fucking service stations by imigrents who can't even string five words together using the easiest language in the western hemisphere, so fuck em. Tommorrow I suggest we either cull at least one third or make them do a proper job like the rest of us ie. Build, Produce or Care. Thridly, Johnny Foreigners, now I have and will never be a member of the BNP or National Front as my high IQ means I fail the membership criteria, but if being frustrated by the fact that any non-national within a 1000 mile radius of Gatwick or Dover can waltz in uninvited and claim asylum, just because he/she has not paid there tent rent or local drug lord without being invited is a little unfair, I wouldn't mind but UK PLC is about to be taken over by Poundland at any moment and increasing numbers of turbans, I love al-kieda t-shirts and sexy Burkas being worn at the Post Office on benifits day may just loose us this vital injection into the green shoots of recovery. Fourthly, and without question the relish that completes this quartet of crap to make the perfect turd burger par excelence, is DSS (I do realise that single mums also qualify for this catagory, but I refer to male layabouts only, sorry single mums I know it's sexist, but get over it and make the tea theres a good girl) they are my favourite, hearing one say "I'm going to get me wagessss." being a scouse he felt the need to use exras s's much like the snake in the Jungle Book, who similary could be trusted as far as he could be thrown. They are in many ways like an undeveloped child who's has been turned into a social vampire, in that they will suck the very life out of anyone who shows them the samllest kindest, will lie and steal to achieve their own ends, and smell like a cross between an elderly diaritic relative and baby sick. SO IN CONCLUSIONS, landlords beware as tenants in all likely hood will either beg, steel or borrow; lie, cheat or break; fuck you, fob you or piss you off at anytime they so desire as sometime ago a twat of liberal fuckwit said lets not bother anymore if you want to work, acheive, care, love, give, help or provide for youself or others, you will no longer have any rights as these will all be handed over to the shallow end of the gene pool. (NB. I did not check the spelling or grammar with a spell checker as now facebook and twitter and various other time wasting exploits have got a stranglehold on our culture education and punctuation our new redundannnt$%^&?:)... word up homeee... street yeah.) 18
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twattybollocks2010-03-24 13:56:21 Well said! 19
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Diane2010-03-24 14:35:41 I have recently experienced a tenant who decided to stop paying her rent, it took me 6 months and a court order to get her out because she followed the advice of a Housing Association who told her not to budge until I got the order.
She left my house covered in dog s**t (both inside and out...!) and trashed the place. Also during that time the boiler broke which I had to replace at a cost of £2,000 (while she was living in my house for free)...
When she first moved in she said she was escaping from a violent boyfriend so I put up a gate and additional locks on the windows so she would feel safe (she probably said that to make her more secure when she decided not to leave!)
She is now living in local authority housing (which you and I will be paying for...) I am taking her to court for the rent arrears which total £3,000 - I know what you're thinking "what a mug" but I've got to try and claw something back...
So please don't think that all landlords are a***holes - I know there are some bad ones out there - but that is not the case here... 20
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the voice of reason2010-06-19 14:40:53 Hmmm . . . Some strange views here on this post, not all of them are an attempt at humour- most are to the right of Bader Meinhoff!

By the way almost ALL landlords are parasitic worms feeding off those in society whom are unable to get a mortgage, or are FORCED to rent privately due to a shortage of council and housing association properties.

The clue is in the name- landLORD, people LORDING it over us in the modren version of the feudal system.

Why? Blame thatcher she sold off all the social housing stock and that's why we are reaping now what we are sowing!

Fortunately the mistake has been realised (even by the ConLib gov) and will be recitfied tho' it will take time.

So to all you parasitic landlords enjoy the good times because they will be coming to an end.

I'm luck to rent a very nice family home from a Housing Association which is run for the benefit of members and not to fund some property owning would be tycoon's retirement fund!

I'd rather save for MY exotic hols and retirement than fund yours! Your days are numbered.

Oh PS- The value of your properties may go up as well as down, ( but most likely down!) Ha Ha ;-)

Sincerely . . . Mr. Dunrentingprivately 21
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E.T.2010-12-27 08:57:33 Hehe! Highly amusing! I have to say I'm not sure about buying properties for redevelopment, or buying them specifically for long term tenancies so you don't have to pay the mortgage- or for profit in any way really. Seems a little disingenuous at best, also the main reason mortgages are a proper mare to secure for those on low income. Overall it's a bit like shooting yourself repeatedly in the bollocks with rubber bullets whilst a surrealist financier tries to convince you the carrot he has just painted on your nice magnolia wall is real, and that he hasn't just spiked your tea with magic mushrooms. Property is for living in, just like a fine vintage guitar is for playing, not for being sat on by some dickhead boomer yuppie looking for money for nothing.
I have been a tenant or many a year, I am self admittedly an exceptionally lazy member of an exceptionally lazy generation, born to an exceptionally lazy generation with the benefit of a hindsight they lacked. I have only had one proper arsehole for a landlord, and that I believe was mainly to do with the fact that he was ex-military and came from the South. HOWEVER, my current landlord is not bad at all. The last sale records indicate he bought this place on leasehold, did it up and then it failed to sell, poor bastard. He's astonishingly negligent, to the extent of permissive waste, but I have no idea who the freeholder is on the building. I doubt he/she gives a fuck either way. My heating is broken at present and it's frequently been -4 outside, but I'm still not too concerned. I may in fact be the perfect tenant. I'm only here 6 months of the year, my rent is nominally paid in giant quarterly lump sums, just late enough to be exciting (through no fault of my own I have to say), and as long as I am being educated or trying to find a bloody job (which in itself is absolutely hilarious given the pissabout that is the market in this neck of the woods), the rent itself is coming out of the Gooberment's pocket, not mine. And who am I to deny my landlord a bit of a skim, eh? He effectively gets £4,000 a year of his taxes back, and I get a country retreat. Booyah. In my opinion he is providing a valuable public service with, in the finest English tradition, the sort of lackadaisical whimsy only a true purist is capable of, and I sincerely hope that once humanity deigns it worth its while to give me a job worth a turd and I move out to a freehold cottage in the hills he sells the place for as much as he paid for it. He may be negligent, lax, and maybe even a liar, but he's not a greedy man and for that he will eventually deserve a large cake with a cherry on top. 22
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paul2011-01-20 22:12:06 my old land lord was such a vile cunt..i sent him a box of dogshit all wrapped up real..FANCY..i bet he greedaly goobled it all up .HMMMMMMMM YUMMY YUMMY SHITTY IN MA TUNNNY 23
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kim2011-03-22 12:46:41 All of the people writing here seem vile. its hard to justify such malicious prejudice.If someone wrote all blacks are scum then quite rightly they would be condemned. But apparently people writing on this forum think its ok to say all landlords or all tenants (depending on your point of view)are scum (or other less polite words)What ever happened to mutual respect? Of course there are some bad tenants and some bad landlords but having being first a tenant and then a landlord myself I know that these are a minority. The fact is that both landlords and tenants need eachother. Its a fact of life that many people cant get a mortgage to buy their own home so have to rent and most landlords are not fat cats fleecing their tenants- landlords have to work hard to maintain there properties and have to jump through hopes to meet all the new regulations (most of which do nothing to actually improve the property)If tenants are bad many small landlords sell up, which forces up the cost of renting becuase there's less rental properties and if landlords are bad, generally tenants treat the property badly.
So lets have landlords and tenants appreciating eachother- MUTUAL RESPECT solves a lot of problems 24
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The Landlord2011-03-22 12:59:59 It must be nice on the planet you live, Kim! 25
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kim2011-03-22 13:13:27 No I dont live in cloud cuckoo land -I've had problems firstly as a tenant and later as a landlord. I just hate ALL PREJUDICE whether racial, ageist,sexist,etc.. tenantist or landlordist (to invent new words maybe)-we can all strive to treat eachother as human beings cant we? or is there no hope for the human race? Perhaps we should all just jump off the highest building? 26
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Twattybollocks2011-03-22 18:32:38 If you decide to jump off a building please make sure it is not one of mine as I dont think my insurance company would be too impressed.

I agree Landlord - must be planet pinko where there are lots of tree to hug!

Kim: Respect has to be earned, but unfortunately most of the uneducated, job dodging benefit lifestyle idiots who come on here (no I am not talking about those who have lost their jobs due to the recession or to those hard working single parents who are the exception) would not know the meaning of the word.

My favourite made up word is Twunt!

@Paul: Fuck me you need a bullet in the brain or if that seems to harsh a good hard shagging with a pineapple.

@Voice of reason: When Paul has finsihed, I suggest you do the same.

TB

It's good to be back! 27
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kim2011-03-24 08:17:12 All you ignoramuses out there- you just dont understand do you? twatty bollocks is right when he says that respect has to be earned but if he thinks I'm a tree hugger.... well I am very fond of trees, I'd like to hug them but am too busy running a very successful business in a recession and providing a much needed service to those not able to get a mortgage.
But for all the scum bag tenants that seem to be attracted to this sight let me spell out what RESPECT means.
I consider myself a professional of 40 yrs standing with a large rental portfolio over 4 counties. All my properties are accredited and of high standard with competitive rents. I have very few void periods. I have legal insurance to prosecute tenants who fail in the obligations as tenants and I have rental guarantee insurance both of which I would recommend any would be landlord to have even though they are not cheap
I employ 3 full time staff: a builder and 2 admin, I also have a legal team on hand. All tenants issues are dealt with within 10 working days and emergencies (such as no heating) within 24 hours.
In exchange for this I demand respect from my tenants. All correspondence is kept on record and telephone conversations recorded. My tenants know that verbal or physical abuse is never tolerated against me or my staff. I always bring prosecutions for this (although it rarely happens)
If Paul had been one of my tenants and used the sort of language he safely hides behind on this sight or sent me obnoxious packages in the post he would undoubtably find the police on his doorstep.
But then the likes of him would never have the priveledge of being a tenant of mine in the first place. All of my tenants are thoroughly vetted and must provide impeccable references which I always check.
The property is checked every 2 months during the tenancy. Any issues are stated in writing and the tenant given 30 days to put things right. Failure means me sending in professionals to do the work and the tenant paying for it out of deposit. For bad or repeated transgressions court action is taken. Noise isn't tolerated either. If I have 2 noise complaints, together with the local council we will gather evidence, issue inforcement notices etc.

So I say to all the scum tenants who frequent this sight like flies round a dog turd. Stop whinging about your bad accomodation
You dont respect yourselves or others, you deserve your bad landlords and all that goes with it. No decent landlord would touch you. As the saying goes turds belong in the toilet.

NOW do you understand what I mean by RESPECT? Or are are you just too damned ignorant- I'm sure your response to this article will tell us all the answer to this one. 28
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private rented hell2011-05-04 14:23:15 i work as a housing officer, and sadly rent privately off one of the worst landlords known to man. I have to say it drives me nuts at times that complete social scum (thankfully the minority of my social tenants) get far better housing rights and protection than i do with my shit landlord!

Have some uber chav scum in one of my properties, proper classy types who loves to threaten disabled women, can i evict them, can i fuck! My own private landlord seems to love sending me threatening letters (they are going to break in apparently and film my stuff) and hurling abuse at me down the phone for daring to report repairs and changing a lock- seeing as its their policy to gain entry when i am not there, and with no notice.

The irony of this situation is not lost on me, we need more social housing for all strata of society, but on the otherhand, i would love social landlords to have more powers to evict the minority scum who make social housing a tenure of last resort.

Conflicted or what? 29
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Chris2011-07-16 13:30:37 Good set, think Ive encountered a couple... 30
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the voice of reason2011-07-19 08:14:12 Yeah thanks for the Pineapple Twatty, I'll use it to make some punch . . .

The truth of the matter is yes there are both scummy landlords and tennants out there. However, some of us are not impressed by the car you drive or how much money you have or the size of your portfolio!

My problem is as stated the ordinary 'decent' working people are stuck because of a shortage of affordable social housing!

It is also a fact that the unscrupulous take advantage of this by making profit out of others
misery. People who should really know better.

If we go back a few generations, the Property owning middle classes was a very small percentage of the population, Thatcher changed all that and now every Tom Dick & Harry thinks he's a property tycoon!

The problem with the middle classes is that THEY LET ANYONE JOIN! Thank goodness they are now in contraction due to the recession, we can get back to some pre Thatcher normality in the UK.

http://gdl.cdlr.strath.ac.uk/redclyde/redcly088.htm 31
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Chris2011-07-19 11:14:31 the voice of reason,

I wouldn't be who I am today without Thatcher, I will burn in hell for a minute for saying that and then still go to heaven :-).

But yes I agree....

Since Thatchers great council housing sale the government hasn't built properties to cover what they sold.
This situation provided a gaping hole in the property market.
It was filled with something else. What we have today that Behemoth of a property pension replacing BEAST of a property market.
Besides not producing when you had a sellers market is just plain stupid, back then and until recently you had the buyers ready why not make more to sell?
It seems that a few Governments missed a revenue stream there.

An odd fact if we sold all the housing stock to the Rich Russians we would be able to pay every person in the UK £250,000 each. WOW... 32
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Paul2011-08-15 20:07:52 Well, well well, again we have this continued argument between shit landlords and shit tenants, ive been a tanant thanks, and to be fair the experience wasnt all that bad, whilst there i did novel things like pay the rent, cleaned the house, decorate, and contributed to a small new kitchen, the NASTY landlord, re-wired the house, repaired the heating (quickly) and agreed, and carried out some great improvements to the structure of the house, the relationship ended when i gave a months notice, and was refunded my bond, i bought a few houses spent time and money refurbishing them, and did my utmost to be an equitable decent landlord...FUCK ME what a mistake, in only the last 5 weeks two tenants have moonlighted, total of £1700.00 arrears, plus damages to properties, both were claiming HB, but of course spending the fucking money on laptops and Blackberrys, the council (BMBC) couldnt give a flying fuck, their not the first and i know they wont be the last, just like the London rioters they know they can get away with anything, somebody, anybody supply the gun and ammo, leave me to sort the problem.
The reason i now feel so badly about tenants, is simply that ive been shit on by so many decent, honest, hard working, fucking scroungers. 33
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jane2011-09-26 19:11:01 i am a landlord who at present is waiting to go to court to evict my tenants.wc's they have turned out to be.when they first moved into my property approx 4 years ago,they introduced themselves to me as being the tennants.i let it through an agent as i didnt want to deal with it myself.they got into arrears with the rent,come up with sob stories which agent accepted ,a repayment plan was drawn up to pay arrears which they defaulted on.on one occasion tenant approached me about the boiler not working and said she couldn't contact agent about it.due to her not having hot water icouldn't apologise enough and tookit up with agent myself.SOOOO MUCH FOR MUTUAL RESPECT!!!! SEEMS FROM THE MOMENT I HAD SHOWN RESPECT I WAS SHAT ON BY THE FOOKIN COONTS!!!!!!! they said they had inheritance to come and would pay arrears in full, yep you guessed like fuck,went on holiday to turkey on my money probably that is why the irresponsible cunt's lost the property they were buying in the first place.but after all it will be societys fault and not their own.due to living in my property they moved to a better area than the shithole they previousley came from,didn't have their rent increased for the 4 years they have been there, given plenty of oppurtunity to repay arrears.there really is no helping some people is there???SHAMELESS BASTARDS I SAY,LET THEM LIVE IN LIFE'S SEWER CHATSWORTH ESTATE LOL...JUST LOVE SOME OF THE COMMENTS ON HERE....HOPE I CAN TURN INTO A HEARTLESS BASTARD COS MUTUAL RESRECT HAS COST ME DEARLY LOL LOL LOL ....I WISH I COULD LOL...... 34
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Chris2011-09-26 20:30:22 Jane, they sound like right assholes, and these types should be living in the gutter not your house.

I can see why people on HB (not all) behave the way they do. The money isn't paid direct, and if your an irresponsible shit then your going to spend it if its paid to you directly. WHAT A BUNCH OF COONTS!!!

Hope things get better for you. 35
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jane2011-09-26 22:03:31 thankyou chris!! i meant mutual respect.... when i was a youngster my mother instilled in me that you must pay for the roof over your head first and only then can you eat!!! sounds harsh, but harsh reality is what we were faced with then.it seems some people are living in lala land,sure some one somewhere will pick up the piecies for them and continue to allow them to piss up everyones kilts and snigger while jetting off on holiday....if they walked out of a shop without paying for goods and were caught, they would be prosecuted for stealing,is that what tennants do when they live in someones property without paying the agreed rent??? 36
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Diane2011-09-27 08:27:43 Jane,
I feel your pain I really do... I had exactly the same situation bitch of a tenant, she caused nothing but trouble to the point once the police had to shut off the road because of her behaviour! She then stopped paying her rent and it took me 6 months to get her evicted the and law was on her side the whole time... I tried to talk to her and she got the Police onto me saying I was "harassing" her... During that time the boiler went and while she was effectively squatting in my house I had to find another £2,500 to make sure she had hot water and heating! Took another year to get her into court and she gets to pay me £10 a month to pay me back what she owes me... (it will take her 16 years...) in the meantime to get myself out of the shit she put me in I have to pay £500 a month ... all this and she gets a "free" house which is paid for by people like you and me and she still drives a convertible sports car...! 37
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Paul2011-09-27 09:08:14 When oh when will the government start paying landlords direct as SOON as the tenant applies for HB, currently we have to have proof of 8 weeks arrears, On Saturday i drove past one of my houses, sure enough they had done a moonlight, again ive paid to put a roof over some cunts head for two months FOC, they took the HB and spent it, its either benefit fraud or theft, either way the twat has a free house, i pay the mortgage, and i pay tax which is where the cunts HB and JSA benefit comes from, between the government policies, and the tossing tenents im having both holes filled.
As a decent landlord, supplying good housing at affordable rents, im a normal go to work kind of bloke, i know NOT all tenants are shit, and i have some on HB who do things right, BUT my point is that by giving HB to the tenants you are putting temptation in the hands of people who are least able to ignore
i-pads, new phones, sky TV, trampolines for the kids, flat screen TVs, Burger King, cigerettes, lottery scratch cards, Staffys, fish and chips, etc etc if you dont want to pay your rent, wether its to me or the council, go live in a fucking cardboard box, and take your spawn from numerous fathers with you, i hope you all freeze, at least i should pay less tax. 38
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jane2011-09-27 16:32:15 It appears to me that british tennants have a really bad attitude to paying rent even when in recipt of hb, they seem to be so bitter and jealous,the best tennants i have ever had were nurses from the phillipenes.really decent people they were, wish there were more of them but now they buy their own properties.Diane and Paul hope your having better luck now,at least we have somewhere to vent....is it not possible to request hb be paid direct to landlord at the beginning of the tenancy?? i suppose we could give up on these little britain types, sell our houses,live it up till the money runs out and fucking ponse and scrounge like them!!!! only problem ,i haven't got a meal ticket(kids)... 39
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jane2011-09-27 21:05:58 yeah! seems i'm not imagining a backward pull from these fucking prick's lol...... 40
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the voice of reason2011-09-29 09:22:01 Hmm!
Property owning landlords now wanting handouts from the government paid straight to them in the form of HB . . . You're then no better than the feckless underclass you are exploiting . . . Jog on Guys!

I want my taxes to be paid to stimulate the economy- building more DESPERATELY needed social housing, creating jobs in the construction sector etc, NOT to fund the already overloaded b2Let market, which is in part responsible for the UK banking mess-
toxic debts, a stagnating propery market, the unavailability of cheap property for 1st time buyers etc, get real!

You've made your bed so go lie in it people, Or find another more acceptable way to make a living I've no sympathy! 41
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Chris2011-09-29 10:39:25 tvor

Not everyone is born to be great or achieve any work other than poorly paid.

Made some good points there. 42
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Chris2011-09-29 10:42:04 If people take on property for the sole purpose of renting, then shouldn't they be run like a business?
Regulated and pay taxes on the rental profit like any other business.
You would pay tax on a room you let/rent out so why not the whole house or houses. 43
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Paul2011-09-29 11:44:11 1) Chris youre a donkey! landlords do pay tax on the profit they earn every year. Tax that goes towards supporting some of the scroungers of society in the form of HB, JSA, Child support for single bloody mothers, dont start me off!
2) Voice of reason, Youre a Fuckwit!
Property owning landlords now wanting handouts from the government paid straight to them in the form of HB . . . You're then no better than the feckless underclass you are exploiting,)
I have to pay for a roof over my head, are you saying people on HB shouldnt have to pay rent?
HB is a payment made by a caring society to keep a roof over peoples heads in time of need, thats why its called,,,wait for it,, HOUSING BENEFIT!
Making that payment direct to the landlord who has to pay a mortgage, insurance, repairs and maintenance, gas and electricty certs etc etc, is a solution to the element of claimants who prefer being professional cunts, who spend their HB on everything and anything other than keeping a roof over their scummy heads, who constantly expect the UKs caring sharing society to bail them out, and simply live being carried by the countries tax payers all their lazy fucking usless lives.
Lets continue this conversation outside! 44
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Chris2011-09-29 14:03:49 Paul,

Name calling for fucks sake. ALOL. Its the school yard all again.

1: I didn't know that.

As I'm not a landlord & I'm not on Housing Benefit. I certainly don't exploit anyone.

2: Voice of reason?
I can be a very unreasonable person, that you will ever meet.

And yes there are lazy people out there that don't want to do fuck all and expect the working people to pay for it.

The point made about Housing Benefit being paid directly to the landlord is so HB claimants don't spend it on everything else but rent, its not too exploit the "caring society" we live in.

My last 2 comments got a response. I still stand by my last 2 comments. Fuckwit (indeed) LOL. 45
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the voice of reason2011-09-29 15:05:49 Aye well now that's obviously created a reaction hasn't it?
Point 1. Landlords dodge paying full tax by claiming reductions on the following-

• mortgage interest on loans used to purchase the rented property or to fund improvements
• your agent’s letting and management fees
• repair and maintenance of the property and contents (but not the cost of improvements)
• ground rent and maintenance charges on leasehold property
• water and sewerage rates unless charged to tenants
• a wear and tear allowance applicable to furnished property only, equal to 10 percent of the gross rent received (less council tax and water rates) or you can deduct the cost of replacement from the rental income in the relevant tax year
• if you pay someone to assist with the work involved in letting your properties, the cost is allowable if you can prove that they are paid at local commercial rates and they report the income in their own tax return
• council tax whilst the property is vacant
• accountant’s fees
• legal expenses (but not those relating to the purchase or sale of the property)
• stamp duty on tenancy agreements
• building and contents insurance and any insurance claim fees
• VAT on all charges where applicable

Point 2
I never at any point said or suggested that those fallen on hard times shouldn't pay rent.
However I find it deeply upsetting and a cause for concern that landlords are advocating payment direct to themselves- it's akin to keeping humans AS CATTLE and milking them for money- IT'S NOT ON AND IT NEVER WILL BE.
Benefits are paid to the individual on a deserving basis (yes i know there are cheats out there)Benefits should NOT be paid to third parties, without the power of attourney being granted.

Yours truly, the voice of reason aka the f*ckwit.

PS- If you don't like what i have to say tough- it's a democracy, however I don't appreciate the rudeness or personal attacks to others on this site. 46
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jane2011-09-29 18:38:31 if people who are entitled to hb do not use it for what it is intended for and spend it on holidays , beer ,fags, drugs clothes ,spray tans etc then as far as i'm concerned they are stealing moneyfrom the caring society that gave it to them!!! i pay my tax for my property i let,but i would like to remind the voice of reason any business is entitled to claim expenses not just landlords and we also happen to live in a capitalist system..... perhaps you would prefer to live in a communist country see if cuba would accept you!!!! also the goverment has'nt a problem with private landlords recieving hb from tennants who recieve it.so it would be a good idea for you to take it up with them rather than be angry to landlords who are providing housing for them. 47
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Paul2011-09-29 19:18:25 Dear Voice of reason,
I think you should be my tax advisor, without a doubt in many ways i agree with you, however the point i am trying to get across, is very simple,
1) I, and i guess you also work.
2) I have NO issues with people who through circumstance are on benefits of any kind (i have been there, on HB, claiming JSA, and council tax for almost two years)
3) Yes i/we are now landlords, we pay ALL the dues we are meant to, and keep all our safety certs up-to date, and keep the properties up to standard, we agree that sucsessive governments have totally FUCKED up social housing, thats NOT our fault, infact we, and other landlords have picked up the pieces of this stupid commercial situation, this is NOT a them and us situation, we dont force people to rent a house from us, please, and i mean that, please try to understand that a tenancy agreement is a contract with two sides, 1) As a landlord i provide a decent safe home.
2) The tenant pays the rent, and if they cant they hand over the HB, and if they dont they should be fucking kicked out. HOW SIMPLE DOES IT NEED TO BE! 48
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zumba 1232011-10-26 09:56:06 need help my landlord as not given me a contract for 4 years, i pay the rent by cheque every month get no reciept, i pay by cheque as it only left my bank on 15th month when funds were in and took 3 days to get to him he didnt like this,


2009 my gas fire faild its inspection he promised to replace it with an elecrical one until 2011 said to expensive he fix the chimney so i can use
the gas fire until he found out he got not do the work himself


he called round and informed me and my husband he was noy paying what was quoted as after all we ate only a tenant


He as money no mortgage large pension still works and as inherited £300,000 and a house and my rent.



I have withheld one months rent tio fix the problem 49
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Paul2011-10-26 11:09:23 Dear Zumba 123,
1) Dont with-hold rent, you risk eviction.
2) Write to your landlord by recorded delivery expessing your concerns.
3) Go see Citizens advice.
Landlords hate losing tenants that pay their rent on time.
BUT if you get the feeling that the landlord is doing this to get you out of your home, then start looking for another place as things will just get worse. 50
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caroline2011-10-28 11:46:10 Being a landlord and letting agent for well over 20 years i can honestly say that there are some fucking awful cunty tenants...that piss me off and make bullshit comments... i have so many experiances...found dead bodies...people having sex on viewings a couple of naked men on bed..trying to shock me..a cannibis farm in a roof...a brothel (but they always paid their rent on time...very hard working girls...) and the property was left immaculate...properties that have been left like the life of grime...unbelievable...As a landlord i always try my best to sort out problems, all my tenants are given emergency numbers and as long as they pay their rent i leave them alone and inspect every 6 months... housing benefit need to take charge quicker than the 8 week period as getting 8 weeks rent back from someone on benefit can take years...your thoughts !!!! 51
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Paul2011-10-28 12:10:23 Yes, the delay in HB being paid to the landlord is simply unacceptable, as soon as someone starts claiming JSA or any other benefit the HB should be immediately paid to the landlord, or perhaps when the roof starts to leak, or the boiler breaks down in the middle of winter we should arrange an 8 week delay in the repairs?
As for collecting the 8 weeks arrears,, normally seems to take about 8-10 months, thats if they dont do a moonlight!! 52
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zumba 1232011-10-28 20:32:34 i have been a good tenenat paid on time never complained done simple repairs myself all i want is the gas fire taken out at the gas capped.and i will buy a fire from lidl i can get one for £200 with a surround,

when i get the money together i will find somewhere else to live and let him try and rent the palce out to someone else

my landlord refused to let me get the loft insulated which would have cost him nothing 53
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zumba 1232011-10-30 18:52:51 still having problems with my landlord my rent is upto date he informed me as building regulations prevent him for fixing the chimney and gas fire he wont be doing it as he doesnt have the money, i thought landlord had an obligation to fix problems in there property

we said we would get the gas fire removed and an electric on fitted he told us we couldnt, 54
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Paul2011-10-30 19:24:05 There are usualy two sides to every story, but your landlord sounds like a twat, i think he wants you out, dont spend any more money putting in fires or anything, save up and move on. 55
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zumba 1232011-10-30 20:17:53 hi paul

i know there are to sides to every story but this man as been round to the house and measured up three times for a new fire had three quoats and still wont fix the problem

he knows due to family problems i need to stay living close to my dad (mum died 2 years ago) and i have a disability

i have redecorated and laid knew carpet and hardly ask for anything done apart from when the drains were blocked and it took a month for him to sort and the problem is tree roots and he wont sort the tree 56
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Paul2011-10-30 20:48:03 Hi Zumba,
Sorry but i think that whatever you do wont make any difference, find another house, dont withold your rent, give him a months notice,, and move on. Decent landlords like decent tenants, 57
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zumba 1232011-10-31 10:00:15 my landlord as phoned today to ask why the rent was late, and to tell me he getting somebody else to fix the chimney lining and flue he told me he was told only gorgi registared plumbers can do this job he said £500 was to expensive as his builder friend no gorgi could do it for £300

he didnt know the building regulations have changed, i informed him of a modern electric fire and surround on sale for £200 he said he will take me to get it will let you all know if he does 58
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Chris2011-10-31 12:30:24 zumba 123;

Your landlord has to fix it if you were to use it and die from carbon monoxide poisoning the landlord would be done for manslaughter.

Gas Safe Register has replaced CORGI (Gorgi :-)) registration.
A couple of years ago.
Look here

http://www.gassaferegister.co.uk/

check out one in your local area ask them how much to fix it, if the landlord is willing to pay £200 tell them that is all the landlord has budgeted for. Good Luck. 59
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zumba 1232011-10-31 13:16:41 would much prefer the electric fire much more modern, he just doesnt like spending money and always get friend do things in his own home

will see what happens on thursday hope i get the fire and surround

thanks for all the advise 60
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Roger2012-01-24 14:46:30 All the landlords here are just among the handful of okay landlords. Mr Unrealistic excepted who is just a racist, regular half-educated right-wing cunt, with no idea, wishing the clock could turn back to 1950.
Anyone ever wondered why so many tenants do things that landlords hate? They have a lifetime of experience of landlord-scum keeping back their deposits on spurious grounds, and never fixing broken heating, or windows etc. That is the norm, not the exception. So these landlords become worse, and the cycle repeats. And the cheeky wankers try to use part or all of the deposit to fix things that are general wear-and-tear! Well, the cheek! That's what the bloody rent was for all this time, you thieving landlord scum: using the property.

Landlords are default scum because they're not interested in putting a roof over anyone's head, but making capital out of housing need. All the nonsense about it being "hard" is a joke. What a landlord means by "hard" is that they expected it would be just a quick, cheap paint job and a few bits and pieces and then just sitting back to watch the coinage roll in.

Landlords couldn't possibly give a shit whether the social housing stock is depleted; to wish it back is like hoping for their own bankruptcy. Everyone treats shitty, divided up properties as a stepping stone, not a home. 'Home' is not when some landlord is breathing down your neck with an eviction notice because you're trying to work out why the bank has screwed up your payments. And sure enough criminal eviction companies will comply.

If housing benefit was scrapped tomorrow most landlords would be out of business. They live from it, even while bitching about it. And like the Voice of Reason listed, landlords are given a free ride on so many counts. The truth of the matter if being a landlord was so bad, no honest person would do it. You have to be a cunt who wants money for doing as little as possible, or doing nothing, while denunciating everyone else for doing nothing.

Landlords are cunts. 61
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Paul2012-01-24 15:58:28 Well well well, another idiot has found the forum, everyone say hello to Roger the fuckwit!
You just dont get it do you Rog, your stupid fucking socailist attitude is so far up your own arse its amazing you got your head up there as well!
No one forces a tennant to rent my houses, they willing sign contracts for well maintained and presented houses, and when they fall on hard times the generous nation provides then with housing benefit, the clue is in the word housing, to cover the rent, now call me picky if you like but im at the end of my tether with idiots like you, in my 7 years experience only about 25% actually use the housing benefit to pay the rent, then we can talk about the condition these thieving cunts leave the houses in when they do the moonlight having spent YOUR and my tax getting pissed rather than keeping a roof over their scummy heads, ive listned to twats like you before, and 99 times out of 100 you base your facts on hearsay, i know you want all landlords shot, all bankers impaled, all stockbrokers burried alive, all CEOs bolied alive, fuck off and go live in North Korea, then you can have your own shitty green uniform, eat crap all day and dream about moving to China. 62
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Benji2012-01-24 19:39:27 Hi Rodge!

As Paul says, Welcome!!

Good to see you on a landlord site mate!!! (keeping the cOunts up!)

On reflection, do you think calling landlords 'scum', 'wankers' and 'cunts' will help to provide tenants with good properties from the private rental sector or will it make things worse?

Have a good think. 63
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Roger2012-01-26 15:15:23 Hey Paul, why don't give up being a landlord if it's so fucking hard and unrewarding? I'm not ashamed of being a socialist, you say it as though it's something I might deny.

Luckily I've never had to have housing benefit - though unluckily it means thieves like you have taken an enormous slice of the money I've earned. There isn't one landlord on earth who charges a fair price for a property. You make it up to suit your own pocket.

Guess what..I've listened to several dozen twats like you too. Who can't spell, have no talent and have had to become a landlord as a result (hint: it requires no talent or scruples), conning a living on the back of housing need where up against a 10 year waiting list, private rental or the street are the only options.

I don't need to go to North Korea, I moved to the Netherlands a decade ago, where, incidentally, even more slumlords have an even freer hand. A fair rent will never exist among private landlords. It's a spiv industry with no professionalism, and the government turns a blind eye because it alleviates a problem they face...badly.

When the housing market crashed I clapped my hands with glee at the thought that thousands of have-a-go slumlords lost their mortgaged houses. 64
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Roger2012-01-26 15:17:55 Hi Benji,

Best to let tenants know what they're likely to be up against, rather than the official flannel.

Paul is right, I'd like to see the end of the private landlords. Or failing that, legislation tight enough to sweep the large number of criminal landlords out of business.

Have a think about that. 65
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Paul2012-01-26 18:42:30 Ok now perhaps we can speak on more level terms,
1) There are good and bad tenants.
2) There are good and bad landlords.
As an ex-tenant myself, yes i have rented houses, and at times been out of work so had to call on housing benefit for help, i have paid my rent and always had good relationships with my landlords, then when i had been in work and saved some deposit i bought my first Buy To Let, ive spent so much time renovating to a good standard my properties, listned to hard luck stories, and let houses to hard working people (so called) who then pay their rent in such a manyana fashion, who then when they fall on hard times dont pay the rent at all, even though they are getting HB.
So Rog, lets add this up shall we, youre clearly the brains here,
1) I save my money, put down a deposit on a house, and buy it, i then renovate it, get gas certificates, market it and let it, i pay the mortgage, then its let via an agent, each month the rent comes in, i pay the mortgage, putting aside money for any repairs, maintenance, and legal annual checks.
2) The tenant starts claiming HB, the council pay the benefit, which is paid directly to the tenant who decides that an iphone 4 looks nice, but no worries my landlord will keep paying the mortgage. A problem arrises with the boiler, brrr its winter and its cold, the tenant now 6+ weeks in arrears wonders why the landlord cant give a fuck! However, if the fucking government/benefit system paid the landlord direct, when someone started claiming HB, instead of giving the money to someone short of cash this wouldnt happen, the landlord would happily pay the mortgage and rush to sort the boiler out for his good tenant, landlords hate empty houses.
Fuck im so tired of tying to get this simple point across.
I also have lived and worked in the Netherlands, you are clueless, everything is someone elses fault, i also work, and pay tax which cunty benefit tenants spend on anything but their rent.
Do you think thats ok because i call that benefit fraud.
In many ways i guess im still a socialist myself, and i do believe in the safety net which my tax provides, but if many years ago a government hadnt sold off social housing stock, and private landlords/investors hadnt taken on the shortfall, there would now be a million or so people living in fucking cardbord boxes. 66

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