Dec 18 2007 |
Who Is Your Ideal Property Babe?Category: Life Is A Rant |
There comes a time when every man has to surrender to his active testosterone, so without further ado, please allow nature to take its course by letting me mentally ejaculate over my website…
While I’ve made my admiration for Property Ladder’s Sarah Beeny loud and clear on many, many, many occasions, I think it’s important for every heterosexual male and homosexual female to be fully aware of some other treats with in the industry. Moreover, let’s face it, with the property market heading for a uphill struggle, half of these candidates may not be in the limelight much longer, so you may all conceive this as a charitable bid to keep them with the E-List celebrity bracket for that little bit longer, as opposed to being a meaningless, seedy little contest…
Some of these fine specimens you may have heard of, and some of them maybe on the same par as Edward Heath. Who? Exactly.
Amanda Lamb
Known for: A Place in the Sun, Channel 4
Amanda…sophisticated, classy, and looks great in the Channel 4 picture catalogue where her tits are strategically exposed for the nation to admire. Cracking body, great face. As for her property credentials…who gives a shit?
Never been a fan of the show because, you know, who cares about “a place in the sun” when I’m stuck in the frickin’ cold? I’ve always been a fan of hers, though.
Sleep with me, ok, Amanda?
No?
Ok, fine, but I still think you’re swell.
Jasmin Harman
Known for: A Place in the Sun: Home or Away, Channel 4
Who is she exactly? What does she present? Never seen her before.
…where can I buy her calendar from?
I’ve seen pictures of her when she’s been completely dry; I have a basis of comparison, so trust me when I say she looks better wet and semi-naked. But that’s one man’s opinion; call me weird if ya’ like.
Having said that, I wouldn’t mind going for a cup’o'coffee and playing a game of footsies with her under the table, all while she’s dry as toast and dressed like a Caeser salad!
Dry or wet, she’s pretty sexy, innit she? Yes, she is.
Kirstie Allsopp
Known for: Location, location, location
One of the better known Property pin-ups. She’s got that thick, curvy athletic body that can be quite intimidating, kind of like a Russian weight lifter. The fear is that she won’t just dominate you the “normal” way, the fear is she will randomly detach your body parts and eat it…But hey, that’s the basis of her appeal.
Every man needs to be handled now and then. I certainly wouldn’t refuse her. In fact, i’d quite happily surrender and suffocate to death in between her breasts. That can be my punishment for writing this disgustingly shovenistic post. Deal?
Lucy Alexander
Known for: Homes Under The Hammer, BBC
Lucy who?!?!? Well, unless you’re a lazy shit that’s “inbetween jobs right now” or get the luxury of being able to watch daytime TV at 11am during working hours, you won’t see much of this sophisticated little minx. She’s pretty handy for the late risers with the morning woodies. Yeah, I said it.
She’s a tad older than the rest of the group, consequently may appeal to the mature man. But i’ll pay no minds to something as futile as age, experience is welcome in this contest (especially when you look like her). Unlike the majority of the others, she’s petite, so dominating her would be a whole heap of fun.
Sarah Beeny
Known for: Property Ladder, Channel 4
By far the most popular and well known Property Guru on TV. She’s famous for 2 things. 2 very big things. She’s also occasionally noted for her knowledge on property. I personally wouldn’t know, I usually just put the TV on mute, cover the top half of the TV and drool.
I could stare and watch Beeny all day, even if she is scarily versatile like water- her weight seems to fluctuate drastically across a single show. I’m not quite sure what’s up with that, but it’s endearing (or i’m just sucking up).
Breasts aside, she knows her shit when it comes to property development and that’s great masturbation material for any property-enthusiast/psycho right there.
Please cast your votes Ladies and Gentlemen!
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"I initially started this website as a complete property idiot;
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lolol great survey
never seen jasmin before but she looks mighty fine. but i wouldn’t mind either of them.
heh amanda all the way.
but i think a lot of those pictures make them look hotter than they actually are.
kirstie by a country mile beautiful woman