The other day I think I received, what I believe to be, the worst tenant application, EVER. Why? Because this is how she introduced herself to me…
hi i was interested in the house you want to rent out, thing is i need to know if you accept dss. iv been living with my mum since December 27th with my two young daughters because there dad chucked us out so need to get them in a home asap please reply thanx [insert name]
Fucking unbelievable, yet extremely amusing, right? Any sane landlord wouldn’t even give this girl a chance. Some might say it’s unfair and that i’m discriminating, but I say “good business sense”.
The thing about finding good tenants is that it’s all about minimizing odds and calculating the odds. For example, the odds of getting less trouble off an employed professional worker compared to a single mother on benefits are extremely high. Of course, that won’t always be the case, but it’s safer to stick with the better odds. More explained over at The Best And Worst Tenants post.
Whilst the applicant sounds like a nice girl, and while I can honestly somewhat sympathise with her situation, the fact still remains that her situation is far from desirable for a landlord (even a desperate one that’s about to get repossessed).
If she had half a brain, she wouldn’t have fed me the latest gossip, so I was aware of her terrible situation, at least that way I would have given her a chance. What she did was on the same par as me applying for a job with the cover letter saying
My last boss fired me, so I’ve been working as a pimp ever since. But I want a proper job, so I thought I would apply.
Also, as part of my package, i’d like a 5min break every 45mins so I can ejaculate in the toilets.
Hardly appealing, right?
In any case, I don’t deal with DSS tenants anymore. I’ve had enough trouble from them in the past. Before anyone jumps down my throat, I have a problem with the system- it’s fucking ridiculous- and not the individuals claiming benefits. I’ve already ranted and raved about why I dislike DSS tenants over at DSS Tenants And The Council.
Here’s a more precise list of reasons why I refused her application:
- I don’t deal with DSS tenants, as explained
- She’ll most likely have to pay a shortfall each month. I wouldn’t trust her to pay, especially since she has a few mouths to feed
- She’s an unemployed single mother with 2 kids
- Her partner left her. There must be something wrong with her, right?
- If her partner decides to make a surprise return, there could be trouble i.e broken walls/windows
- I’m sure I could find someone with better credentials.
Anyways, if you’re looking for a place to rent, think hard about how you sell yourself to the Landlord. In a booming rental market, Landlords can afford to be picky.