My Landlord Is A Rude Bitch

One of my best mate’s is a tenant with a live-in landlord. I frequently pop over to her gaff just to chill-out and catch up on life. Unfortunately, i’m always unsettled by the experience because I’m forced to encounter her landlord, who happens to the most miserable, sorry-looking shit-face I ever have had the pleasure of meeting.

I don’t know how my friend has coped for so long (10 months), I don’t think she knows either. Unfortunately, my friend is one of those fragile pussys that will just put up with shit for the sake of living a simple life. As a friend and a fellow landlord, it’s irritating for me to witness such an awful landlord unnessacrarily inflict misery upon my friend.

Reasons why the landlord is a bitch

  • She’s literally NEVER happy. I’ve never seen her smile, not once. More importantly, I’m one of those beautiful people that brings joy and sunshine to a room, yet even I can’t get a smile out of her. She’s so unwelcoming; she casts a huge, bitter shadow with her presence.

    I’m pretty sure her face is permanently stuck with the same gormless expression. I’m confident that if she even tried to smile her skin would crack like dry paint.

    Miserably people are so unnecessary.

  • She has no concept of manners, not even a basic grasp. Relunctantly, I always smile and greet her when I see her, even though I know I’m going to get served with the same old tired response, consisting of a low-pitched mutter, which vaguely sounds like the word, “hi”. She’s so rude. I genuinely just want to smack her repeatedly around her stupid face with my shoes. Actually, scratch that, i’d rather smack her with her own shoes, there’s more of a morbid twist of irony that way.
  • She’s one of those annoying clean freaks. Being clean is one thing, but being a freak about it is another thing.

    She crosses the line with her freakish antics; she throws a strop when there’s a mess in my friend’s room, when It actually has NOTHING to do with her. And when I say “mess”, I don’t mean dried peanut-butter feces tucked away in the corner or last week’s congealed roast dinner stowed under the bed.

    My friend isn’t dirty, she’s normal, so occassionally has clothes lying around. The landlord seems to perceive that as “room-cancer”, and deems it appropriate to lecture (literally) my friend about it.

  • Every time my friend cooks something in the kitchen, the landlord seems to make a rant along the lines of, “the kitchen stinks”, in a really aggressive manner. It’s fucking food, the smell will go, you dumb bitch!
  • The landlord ALWAYS goes into my friend’s room and cleans it. She even goes through her drawers and organises her papers and all sorts. While the intentions may not be sinister, the actions make my friend feel harassed. The landlord has no legal right to do that, but for some reason, in her stupid head, she feels she does.
  • The last time my friend tried to take a shower after 10pm, the landlord complained and told her to take one in the morning. Ever since, my friend has felt uncomfortable taking late night showers, even though she works late shifts a lot of the times. The bathroom is right next to the landlord’s bedroom, so she can’t even have a sneaky one.

    It’s still unclear why this is a problem because the landlord was awake and watching TV when the attempt was made. Either way, even if the repulsive bitch was counting sheep, she still shouldn’t complain when the tenant wants to take a shower.

  • The landlord gets angered when my friend wants to bring anyone back for the night. My friend has to ask permission, and the response is usually “no”, and my pussy friend usually obeys like a tortured dog. It’s actually kinda’ pathetic. My friend needs to man up.

After lecturing my friend relentlessly week after week, I finally broke her down, and she’s agreed to give notice and move out. HAARRAY! But before doing so, I took a look at the Assured Shorthold Tenancy Agreement to determine what the current situation was. It came to no real surprise to discover that the Tenancy Agreement is a pile of shit, as is the landlord.

Why the tenancy agreement is junk

  • The tenancy agreement was out of date, and looked like the landlord had typed it up herself on a typewriter
  • The contract wasn’t for a live-in landlord, it was specifically for a landlord that lived separately

The Tenancy Agreement must be at least 8 years old. It was laughable. In fact, I’m going to get a copy of it and post it up, just so you can all see what a vintage Tenancy Agreement looks like. It was the first time I had seen such a monstrosity of an agreement. Even the alignment and layout was poor.

I refuse to let the landlord get away with anything!!

I have a feeling that the landlord is going to try and keep the deposit over something stupid (because that’s the kind of person she is), but I refuse to let that happen. Firstly, my friend hasn’t caused any damage to her room. Moreover, the money isn’t secured in a tenancy deposit scheme. I’ll fight to the death over this one. But, if at the time I don’t feel like risking my life, I may opt for making a couple of drive-bys at 4am to egg her house.

I’m also going to make sure my friend gives the landlord the minimum notice required, just to be inconvient as possible. The landlord has been totally inconvenient throughout the tenure, so she needs a dose of her own cheese-and-chive anal fluid thrown down her gullet.

The tenancy is now periodic, and my tenant pays rent every 2 weeks. So she only needs to give 2 weeks notice. That means the landlord doesn’t have long to find new tenants :)

To top it off, i’m pretty certain a gas safety check hasn’t been performed. And if it has, my friend hasn’t received a copy of the certificate, which she is meant to.

If the landlord at any point makes the process of moving out difficult for my friend, I’ll be throwing all of the above in her face, along with a big FUCK YOU.

Right, rant over. I love you all xxx

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17 Comments- Join The Conversation...

Guest Avatar
Thaxton 8th September, 2010 @ 15:49

I'm amazed at how soft your friend is.

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Ginsterlam 9th September, 2010 @ 12:58

Your friend's landlord sounds like my Mother!
I'll have to ring home to see if she's taken on a live-in tenant.
This is just so uncanny lol!!

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dankor 10th September, 2010 @ 13:29

"The landlord ALWAYS goes into my friend’s room and cleans it."

oh no, she shouldnt do this!

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Propapedia 11th September, 2010 @ 08:12

Your friend needs a slap for tolerating this landlord, at least you had the sense to talk her around.

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jeffo 11th September, 2010 @ 14:29

So what you are saying is that the contract should be re written to allow the landlord to rummage through the drawers!

I have been looking for this sort of tenancy for years. I certainly wont be filling my house with student nursese before I have this agreement in place.

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Kizzy 14th October, 2010 @ 23:01

Hey, was this in Hatfield? Because I think my girlfriend is living with the same woman or phycho, except she didn't write a contract even though she said she would.

Now she might get kicked out at any time. The landlady locked my girlfriend out of the house so she had to stay down mine for the night. She also goes through my girlfriend's room without notifying my girlfriend and goes through her personal belongings and then she shouts at her! She gets drunk every day and then shouts at my girlfriend for the smallest things i.e. a pair of pjs on the floor and coming home after 7 because my girlfriend has long and late hours at uni!

This landphycho lady is making my girlfriend's life a missery and my girlfriend pukes up every day because of stress. Sometimes it has a bit of blood in it aswell!!

And to top it all off, her parents won't let her move out. Her parents are forcing her to stay there! Her parents do not understand how she is feeling and they don't realise that they have screwed her over and they are not doing anything to make up for it and this really really gets me very angry, but I can't shout at them and my girlfriend can't shout at her landphycho lady because me and my girlfriend are good people.

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deyan 5th February, 2011 @ 23:20

I truly enjoyed this piece of art. Your descriptiveness towards the landlord made my day :D I was just randomly asking google why my landlord is a bitch, and it took me to this beautiful article. hope all went well.

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Damian 10th February, 2011 @ 01:48

If I had a landlord, I'd be overjoyed if she cleaned up after me!!

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Jay3 21st May, 2012 @ 06:50

I'm the same as Deyan, googled "Why is my landload a bitch" and ended up here, haha! I was in a similar situation I guess, currently taking the fucker to small claims court.

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Kim 22nd December, 2013 @ 06:30

I totally understand. Right after I first moved in the bitch turned off the internet.She's a lonely chronic gambler who lost her house and her mind. I guess she was looking for donkey who was going to emphasizeb with her well I did and she wanted my soul after that. Big mistake.

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Fizz 23rd July, 2014 @ 12:20

This post made my day. I have shitty landlords, two. This made me feel so much better!

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John Smith 10th July, 2015 @ 08:46

You sound like a bitch yourself. So much so that not content with your own fights, you seek to take other people's on too - all hidden under the veil of 'caring for' your friend.
If I were a landlord, you'd be EXACTLY the kind of self-centred douche I'd try to avoid.

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Nicole 11th March, 2016 @ 01:42

My landlords are so much worse.

My new roomate who moved in is just as bad as the two landlords are.

My landlords started out as really nice people. Then they started to show their true colors. Once my new roomate moved in recently this month. I also think that my new roomate lied to and scammed my landlords. which is why I got kicked out of my place. And have to move into a new place at the end of this month. She told my landlord that she has a job. And works during the day. Yet she is home every day of the week, I hear her talking on the phone, watching tv, I hear her phone going off, Or I hear her up in the kitch. Oh yes she really has a job. Ever since she moved in. I've also been getting blamed for smells and aromas in the house that are not all my fault. My old roomate who was living here before her. Who was totally crazy and psychotic. Left a bunch of expired food and fruit in the fridge. Which had been there for months since she left. So, now thanks to the smells from the old food. I'm getting blamed for it. There is also no windows in the rooms or in the basement. So, after a while of two people living together. The place is eventually going to start to smell and get stuffy. But of course the new fucking bitch of a roomate and the landlords who I thought were nice people. Decided to be rude about it. And blame me for the smells. So, I got sick of it and decided to move out. I'll be moving into my new place on March 28 or the 29th. I think that the new roommate was just trying to get me kicked out. I don't really like her too much anyway. I was planning on moving out once she moved in anyway. Something about her just really set me off. So, I'm honestly glad to be leaving. It just shocks me how fake some landlords can be. Or how rude and total bitches some of them can be. They start out totally nice and friendly. But then if you make one little mistake. Or a new roomate moves in that they suddenly chose to like better then you. They start to show their true colors. But then again. Most people are like that too. Totally fake and just rude little bitches.

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Melissa 4th September, 2016 @ 18:16

OMG i googled this because after my second inspection today, I have found out my landlord is spying on when we lock our garden gate with an extra padlock. Saying 2 cereal bowls left on the side during a boiler check was FILTHY. and much much more.

I consider myself cleaner than the average being... here comes my notice due to bitchy landlord.

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Namratha 25th September, 2016 @ 22:29

If an Assured Shorthold Tenancy ends at the fixed term (in my case 12-Sept-2015-20-Aug-2016)and the landlady decided to increase the rent , would the terms of the old tenancy still apply? I was under the impression it lapses into a periodic tenancy but I'm unsure because of the rent increase.
If I want to give notice and leave can I do so and be entitled to receive my deposit back?
Thanks or incoming responses, really stuck here because my landlady kicked up a fuss about me being late with a termly payment effective Sept 17th '16. I'd asked her if I could effect the payment monthly under the impression my old AST had lapsed automatically into a periodic one but she texted me saying she didn't know what I was talking about and that all tenants pay a term in advance. Pretty rude about it considering I've been a good tenant for the past year. I get it, you need the rent and its not a free room but can't it be phrased more politely? Its not like I'm gonna vanish into thin air with all my belongings ( I wish! It'd save me moving).

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thePINCH 25th February, 2017 @ 00:40

I am a Landlord, and yes, I am female. I have been doing it now for about 20 years, and would like to think that I am reasonably competent. That doesn't mean that I don't make mistakes, but in the mean, I am quite competent.

Sounds to me that you are either renting a room, or a veryclosetoher apartment. It also sounds like both parties have to work on their communications.

HER BAD

Never enter a room without the permission of the tenant, unless it is an emergency.
Never touch articles owned by someone else unless those things are illegal.

YOUR BAD

The landlord can live where ever she pleases.
Her demeanor is none of your concern, and comparing yourself to her while publicly calling her a bitch reflects badly on you.
If you don't find a way to work things out, you will have to move. That's time and expense for you.

My evil twin suggests that it sounds like after 8 years of being a Landlord she is ready to move on. In other words, she wants her place back. She's probably aware of a gazillion legal reasons why she cannot do this, and so it looks/sounds/acts like a bad time.

You may want to initiate a civil conversation with her by meeting her for coffee off site. Ask her to speak freely, and don't jump over everything she says - if anything. Say how you feel, but make some constructive solutions. If you are not comfortable with f2f, try it in a civil sounding email.

Good luck.

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Longina M 9th May, 2017 @ 20:59

I know how it fels to HATE your landlord. Mine was a BIG CUNT. Glad I moved out. She talks to tenants about other tenants. When something goes wrong, THE CUNT takes it on the wrong peoples. SHE "acts" frindly, but will stab you in the back. My frind reported the CUNT because she was smokeing in a non-designated part of the apartment building. Just because she's the LANDLORD, she thinks she can smoke anywhere she wants. FUCKING CUNT. I hated living at 120 Caron Ave. Floor 6. Windsor,Ontario,Canada. I'll NEVER move there to her building again. What BITCH.

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