This Country Would Be Awesome For Landlords If I Was In Control

I’m not big on politics, for many reasons, but mainly because it’s bullshit.

I heard some snotty chump on the news the other day saying that he thought democracy was a beautiful thing, and that’s why our country is beautiful. He was getting erect by the queues of people lining up outside polling stations to vote.

I’ve never considered voting for someone else to run a country to be democratic. All we’re doing is giving other people power to make decisions for us. What’s democratic about that? It’s like the lowest form of democracy you can ever develop, isn’t it?

Now, if we were truly democratic, society would vote on each and every law. So yeah, bullshit.

Having said that, if I was in charge, it goes without saying that this country would be awesome, at least for Landlords. Here are the laws I would introduce/change:

DSS Tenants

  • Once again, landlords would be entitled to receive benefits directly. We’ve abruptly learned that tenant’s receiving benefits directly doesn’t work.
  • Any DSS tenant that says, “I’ve worked hard all my life; landlords that don’t accept DSS tenants are arseholes” should have their benefits frozen immediately. I’m bored of that argument and it irks me. If you’ve worked hard all your life, that’s your problem.
  • Anyone that’s been receiving Housing Benefit for longer than 2 years without a legitimate reason should have their benefits revoked, no questions asked.
  • Anyone that can’t financially support a child, yet chooses to have a child, should be exempt from receiving further benefits. Irresponsibility shouldn’t be rewarded. The victim (the child) should receive food/clothing by the government, not more money.
  • The council will no longer pay benefits every 30 days. That shit is confusing and annoying for landlords. They will now pay benefits on a PCM basis.
  • If a DSS tenant falls into arrears, their benefits will be revoked immediately.

Evicting Tenants

  • Having to wait 2 months before being allowed to evict a tenant when they’re in rent arrears is bullshit. The new law would specify 2 weeks. If a tenant falls 2 weeks in arrears, the landlord will be entitled to kick the fucker out. No court case required, no section 8 required, just straight out the door with a foot up the arse.
  • If a tenant refuses to vacate the property then the landlord is entitled to enter the property, remove the tenants’ items and change the locks.
  • If any personal possessions is left in the property, the landlord will be entitled to do as they please with them.
  • if there’s a legal battle between tenant and landlord, the hearing should take place with in 10 days, where a final verdict should be given. None of this waiting 6 months business. We’re not getting any younger.

Stupid Documents

  • I’ve yet to meet a tenant that 1) gives a fuck about Energy performance certificate 2) knows what one is. They’re pointless. They’re abolished.

Letting Agents

  • Letting agents are no longer allowed to charge tenants an admin fee for simply being a “consumer”. Here’s more about that riveting rant, Why Do Letting Agents Charge Tenants An Admin Fee?
  • Letting agents that offer a poor service should be fined and/or closed down (depending on severity), regardless of whether they are part of an ombudsman or not.
  • Renewal Fees, are now illegal.

Tenants Rights

  • Landlords will have a 2 week opportunity to resolve any emergency maintenance work. That includes anything related to heating, general plumbing and water. Failing to do so will lead in an immediate fine.

Landlords Rights

  • If a landlord has good reason to enter the property, and the tenant refuses to allow entry for no real good reason, the landlord will be entitled to enter. The list of “good reasons” will be developed in the near future.

Other junk

  • Squatters rights? Bye.
  • Home Information Packs? Bye.

Do you have any suggestions?

Can you think of anymore awesome laws that should be passed?

5 Comments- Join The Conversation...

Guest Avatar
jock 12th May, 2010 @ 17:26

right on man. if pr comes in lets start our on party.

Guest Avatar
Twattybollocks 13th May, 2010 @ 12:38

My manifesto:

Landlords/ladies get first dibs on good looking tenants.For those of you who are offended then after a beer or two anyone goes.

Rent gets paid directly to Landlords on a PCM basis.

Abolish EPC's

Legislate the Landlords to improve professionalism in the industry.

Legislate letting agents and make them liable for the tenants bonds NOT the Landlord.

Slum Landlords get one chance to improve their properties and bring them upto scratch otherwise they forfeit the properies and can only get them back when the work has been carried out. If necessary the councils can do the work & then charge the landlord for the upgrades necessary.

Licenced HMO Landlords who fail to heed legislation/improve properties to acceptable levels get the same fate as the slum Landlords.

Tenants who miss a payment get a warning letter. Tenants who miss two payments get a choice. Pay up or get out. If they pay up great, if they don't then expect a visit from the heavies.

Totally review the section 21 and section 8 proceedures. Make them fair and easy to understand for all. Cut the bollocks and all the legal mugwumpery and make it plain English - that's English - to make it easier to understand. No speeky English? Learn to do so. Not rocket science.

I was going to say reduce VAT to 5% for renovations and overhaul the HMRC regarding repair/renovation but that looks like it has been bolloxed before it begins.

Make it fair for DSS/LHA tenants so that there is an acceptable method of vetting so the good and reasonable are not lumped in with the chavs. Make the chavs sign a contract. Fuck up my house and you forfeit a hand. Left or right - their choice, just so I can't be called unreasonable.

Private councelling sessions with Ms Beeney and that Pinky Ames from Holmes on Homes (fnrr fnrr)for the gentleman Landlords or for the Ladies Brad Pitt or the local firefighters.

All Landlords to be adressed as Squire or M'liege by DSS Tenants as the chav underclass need to know their place and their betters. If they fail to do so then the Landlord shall be authorised to TASER them until they do. Note: Nice DSS need not do this.

If the TASER fails to work then they shall forfeit their first born and their collection of gold hoop earings and shell suits to be used by the Landlord as a chimney sweep and security. Mind you the shell suits would probably cause a fire hazzard due to all that nylon in close proximity.

All Landlords to be given Range Rovers and tax breaks on fuel.

Ajay Ahuja to be promoted to Housing Minister or Chancellor. I'm sure he can make us a few bob to get us out of the shit.

Exhausted now........................need a break.


The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 13th May, 2010 @ 20:35

ha, Twatty, you're giving me serious competition!

Def agree with all your points, especially your last point lol.

Regarding the section 21 and section 8 proceedures, they certainly need to be more simple, and the courts need to stop being so anal about them if they're not completed 100% correctly E.g. at the end of the day, if a tenant is 2 months in arrears, who gives a fuck if a section 8 isn't filled in 100% properly? Point is, tenant is in arrears! Urgh!

Guest Avatar
Ladysky 22nd May, 2010 @ 08:01

Has anyone had to put in for a C4, or could this law be squashed? I am about to buy my first BTL and it is freaking me out

The Landlord Avatar
The Landlord 22nd May, 2010 @ 08:53

Hey Ladysky,
I don't HMO, so my knowledge in this area isn't that great. However, why are you overly concerned about a C4? This relates to planning and licensing controls for HMO (3 of more non-related tenants). Are you going to house multiple non-related tenants?

Doesn't the C4 just mean landlords need to meet licensing and planning requirements?


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