Guys, I’m in a right cock-shaped pickle.
This week I’ve taken several viewings for my soon-to-be vacant property, and I’ve managed to strategically narrow the applicants down to a shortlist of two wonderful prospects. But I’ve made a right pig’s ear out of the situation. I’ve somehow, carelessly said “yes” to both applicants.
Obviously, I have to let one of them down gently. I’m dreading it. I’ve unintentionally messed people about, and that’s not in my sweet nature, ordinarily.
How did it happen?
Here’s the short version…
I took a viewing with a prospective family. They ticked all the boxes, so I said they could rent the property. However, because nothing was set in stone, I carried on taking viewings.
Deals often fall through before contracts are signed, consequently I always continue to take viewings until I’ve received a deposit and a signature on the dotted line. You can never be too safe, right?
As I was progressing through the other viewings, I wasn’t expecting to find another prospective tenant with credentials that would rival the family I already accepted. But of course, I did, and then I somehow allowed myself to mutter the words, “you can have the property” when I saw how excited and intoxicated the tenant became with the property.
Now, I’m left with two prospective tenants, both expecting to move into the same property. It’s probably not a bad situation for a landlord. It’s a shame I have a conscious, and it’s eating away at me like genital herpes.
The family with the shagable daughter
The first prospect I happily accepted was a really nice family. A mum, dad and a 18yr old daughter that would come in handy after a tipsy night out in town. Great body, and dirty little “fuck me & stick anything you want in me” face. Pushing aside her bloody irritating personality (talked way too much), shagable.
Both parents have good jobs, and they have great rental history. I really liked them, and they loved the property, so I didn’t hesitate in offering them the property. I was confident I wouldn’t have any problems with them.
Sweet Old Lady with huge tits
The second applicant was an old lady that’s about 60yrs old, and she has the biggest tits on the planet. Seriously, they were bigger than her head, and they swing down by her waist. Perhaps low-swingers are an acquired taste. Anyways, her tits really have nothing to do with anything, I just thought the size of her tits were extraordinary. Good for her. I should probably feel sickened with myself for perving at old women, but I don’t. Odd.
She’s genuinely one of the sweetest old lady’s I have ever encountered (besides from my Nan). She’s charming, caring, and I’m certain she will take care of the property. She earns good money, has great rental history, and has ensured me she wants to stay in the property for a long time. The only reason she’s leaving her current rental accommodation is because her landlord is selling up.
Which prospect would make the better tenant?
It’s a tough call. But here are my thoughts…
- Old ladies are generally clean, quiet and extremely respectable tenants. She said she has no problems spending money on the property over time to make it look amazing. On the flip side, the household will only consist of her and her melons, so there will only be one source of income- unless she decides to take advantage of God’s gift by purchasing a webcam and unleashing her two assets onto the internet. In that case, they’ll be 3 solid sources of income, but as it stands, if her one and only job goes down the shitter in these uncertain economic times, there maybe problems. However, she’s been in her current job for over 4 years, so that’s pretty stable.
She said she’s looking for a property that she wants to spend the rest of her sweet life in. I give her 20 more years, and then she’ll be as good as done. I’m not sure if a tenant with such desire to commit is a good or bad thing.
- I’m not sure the family will invest as much time and money into the property as Ms Big Tits. However, I know they’ll keep the place tidy and pay the bills. Both parents have good jobs, so there are two sources of income there, which is great security. They also made it clear that they’re looking to commit to a property for about 3-4 years, which is a respectable period.
The daughter is 18 and shagable, so she’s probably got a lot of teenage issues. I don’t mind, but she’ll probably have social gatherings when mummy and daddy are away. Furthermore, I used to be 18, so I know how easy it is to piss in the corner of a living room when I’ve been too battered to navigate myself to the toilet. She looked like she knew how to party.
It’s not really a case of which tenant I would prefer. To me, it’s more about which tenant I would rather let down. I’d probably feel better letting down the family because:
- 1) The old lady is alone. The family have one another to get through any negative impacts my rejection causes
- 2) The old lady seemed a lot more “in love” with the property, so she’ll probably be more wounded if I were to kick her to the curb
Either way, I’m in a moral dilemma, and I’m dreading to make the phonecall. Who would you choose? Can anyone think of any good excuses to justify the position I’m in, and more importantly, the position I’ve put the innocent tenants in?
Being honest seems like a poor escape route, given the circumstances. The circumstance being, that I’m a complete idiot that accepted two separate tenants for one vacancy. The truth doesn’t make me look good, so it doesn’t seem like a viable option from my position.
Letting agents probably go through this shit all the time, and don’t even flinch about sweeping the rug away from peoples feet. Unfortunately, I’m gentle and beautiful, and my soul is very much alive.