If someone has no soul, is it a given that they lack compassion? If so, I’ve fucked up the semantics of the blog post title. But you get the gist of what i’m saying, right? One of my tenants has a heart of stone!
A few days ago I received a text from my tenant, informing me that the washing machine was on its last legs. It kept leaking and/or tripping the mains electricity every time it was switched on. He wanted me to collect the machine and dispose of it, which was cool with me. We had scheduled for me to pick up the machine yesterday evening, on Tuesday, 18th May 2011.
I had already arranged to chill with a friend of mine for that evening, but it wasn’t a big deal, because the process of putting the machine into my van shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes, so I planned for her to come with. Besides, the extra pair of hands would have been useful, even if they are attached to a woman :)
I didn’t anticipate a washing machine to be particularly heavy or awkward to carry, so I assumed even a futile female could provide enough horsepower to help transfer the appliance into my van. At this point, I had never actually carried a washing machine before, so I was just, ya’ know, bullshitting with assumption.
So, yesterday evening, around 6’ish, me and my friend popped round my tenant’s house. My tenant greeted us, and then proceeded to lead us through the house, into the back garden, where he had left the washing machine.
I looked at my tenant and said, “Is this heavy?”, he responded, “Yeah, it’s pretty damn heavy. You may struggle”
I just assumed the guy was half the man I am, consequently I wasn’t really expecting to challenge my power-lifting ability. Me and my friend both hunched over, leaning towards the appliance, each grabbing one end of the washing machine. As we lifted the appliance, we looked at one another with the, “fuck me, this is actually heavy” look on our faces. You know when you expect something to be a lot lighter than it is, and then you’re caught in a moment of shock when you realise it’s a lot heavier than anticipated? That’s what happened.
We could both lift and move the washing machine, but it was an obvious struggle as we were both gritting our teeth and looking severely constipated. We were clearly going to have to carry the machine in stages, with multiple resting points. It wasn’t just the weight which was causing a problem, it was the pure awkwardness, something I didn’t expect from a rectangular object. The problem was there wasn’t anything to grip onto, so it kept slipping through our hands like a wet dildo. Also, the pipes kept dragging along the floor, and leaking fluids (I assume it was rain water) onto our clothes, making the process more difficult than it already was. Now our attention was split between trying to carry the heavy appliance without harshly dropping it, and avoiding/dodging any spillage from the dragging penises. What also made the task tricky was the fact we had to, at points, lift the machine quite high, to get it past furniture!
At this point, my tenant was just standing on the side, watching us struggle like beetles on their backs. Me and my friend were both waiting for him to jump in and help any time now, even if only to pick up the pipes and spare us from getting wet. But for some reason that never happened. It was bizarre to say the least.
The struggle between Man and Machine would have been one-sided if we had another man involved to help. However, instead of helping, my tenant opted to stand 2 metres afar and watch, not even with amusement, so I didn’t really get it. He was watching gormlessly, with a, “hmm this is interesting” look on his mug (which I wanted to slap off).
This is genuinely what we looked like…
While most of my senses were quickly deteriorating as I was becoming weaker, I remember him muttering (in a serious/genuine tone), “I am impressed that you two managed to lift it”
Right, ok. Cock.
It eventually took about 15-20 minutes for us to transfer the washing machine from the back of the house to the front, and into the van. The entire process was a total struggle, and I felt like we had been through a workout. We were hunched over the entire time, trying to laugh as much as possible, because otherwise we probably would have cried. By the end of it, we were were left red-faced and perspirated with dirty and wet clothing, not to mention sore hands. It wasn’t a pretty sight.
Both me and my friend seriously couldn’t calculate why the fuck my tenant didn’t help us. Like I said, it was really bizzare, and it left us perplexed. We were genuinely struggling for 15 minutes trying to carry the darn thing, and my tenant could clearly see that. Yet nothing in my tenant’s head triggered, signalling him to help. His lack of compassion came across as really rude and bloody irritating, but mainly just odd. I mean, when tenants fall into arrears, I GET IT. It’s f’ing irritating and rude, but it’s not odd. What happened here was just plain odd. It actually showed me what kind of person my tenant is. Soulless.
My only conclusion is that he had it fixated in his head that I’m the landlord, and he’s the tenant, and we should stick to those roles. It’s the landlords responsibility/job to dispose of the machine washing, and he didn’t want to interfere with the preassigned duties. Kind of like a guy who refuses to cook or clean because he thinks it’s the woman’s role. Thing is, if the roles were reversed, I would have naturally helped my landlord (even if he wasn’t struggling).
Either way, the event made a more enjoyable journey home, as we spent the time thinking of amusing new nicknames for my tenant. Unfortunately, none of which are for the faint hearted. I think the mildest and least original nickname we thought of was, “washing machine cu*t”
Anyways, this blog post really has nothing to do with anything, and it really wasn’t a big deal. I just thought it was extremely strange behavior, and left me questioning mankind…yet again.
I don’t suppose any of your tenants has done something that’s made you think, “oh, well that’s strange”?