My Tenant Is A Lazy, Worthless, Greasy Kebab
Written by The Landlord on 08 Jul 2010Ok, so remember the other day when I was talking about how my tenant was vacating, and how it was difficult for me to take viewings because of his shit-crazy taste in furniture? You guys remember, right? Well, you also may remember that I said besides from his alien grasp of interior design, he was generally a clean tenant. Well, scratch that noise, forget I said that bullshit. He’s actually a lazy, filthy, cheesy, shit-stained greasy kebab!
My tenant moved out over the weekend just gone, so I got to see the property as an empty shell for the first time in over 8 months. That’s when it all became clear! It wasn’t that my tenant had sinful taste at all; those awful props (furniture) were just there to distract me from the truth. He was basically Derren Brown in disguise, playing mind tricks!
Here are pictures of the truth (oh, and believe me, these pictures do no justice to how much of a filthy beast he really is)…
Shit stained carpet
Dusty carpet/skirting board
More shit stained carpet
Shit stained kitchen floor, caked with grease, plus a stroke of highlighter pen for spice
The dude must have cooked in this oven for 8 months without cleaning it once!
More greasy oven
Tiles above the cooker – those speckles are NOT part of the design on the tiles, they’re greasy kebab blobs
Shit stained wall
Pubes left in the bath for me to scoop up with my tongue
Apparently my tenant had a fetish for wiping his arse on everything besides from toilet paper! And like I said, the pictures don’t highlight how thick and prominent the grease/dirt around the property is. The kitchen is pretty unbearable; the units, front & back door, windows, tiles and floor is coated with thick grease.
Don’t get me wrong, he never trashed the place or anything, and I know it could have been a lot worse. Most of this shit can be wiped clean with industrial strength kebab-grease killer. But still, it’s just fucking gross how someone can live like that. It was apparent he never cleaned the house once. What makes it worse is that the guy is a doctor. Urgh. You’d like to think hygiene would be on top of his seedy little agenda.
Bear in mind that the entire house was professionally cleaned, provided with new carpets, new oven and fresh paint, and that’s how he left it.
Firstly, I’d be too embarrassed for anyone else to see me living like that. Secondly, if I didn’t clean the entire time I lived there (which he clearly never), I would have enough courtesy and too much pride not to make an exception for when I moved out. Thirdly, before vacating a property, checking for loose pubes and skid marks down the toilet is human nature, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought, too.
Seriously, some people have no shame. Fortunately, I’m getting the place professionally cleaned this weekend on his expense. Thank God for deposits.
For those wondering, I put his pubes in a jar, which now resides next to my bed. Oh, and…
This whole incident is just a reminder of why it’s important to:
- 1) have a Tenancy Agreement in place
- 2) do a thorough Inventory Form.
- 3) secure the tenant’s deposit into a Tenancy Deposit Scheme.
Fortunately I did all of the above, so I live to fight another day. Or in my case, another grease-ball tenant.
On a complete sidenote, know what makes me laugh? In America they spell it Kebob and pronounce it Keeebob. That always cracks me up.
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14 Comments - join the conversation...
I must say that most of my Tenants are pretty good. They do generally tidy up and sort the place out once you give then a good ol' talking to but then again I'm sure there are so many shitbags out there who couldn't care less! What this guy has done to your property is appalling! He deserves to be shot in the groin!
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I did an inspection 4 months ago, and those stains on the carpet weren't there. I noticed the kitchen was a little greasy, but it wasn't too bad, and I knew I could clean it off. If I notice anything like this again, I'll give a firm nudge, like you suggested, and hopefully that will stop the problem from escalating.
The entire property just needs a good scrub. There's no physical damage, which is always my main concern.
@mllysbb
Yeah, carpets are a right pain, especially when you have light, neutral colours! To be fair, the only place I have carpets is in the bedrooms. I think when it's time to replace them, I may just put down laminate flooring! Like you said, a clean floor makes all the difference, and they're easy to clean!
I don't think you can avoid scuffs on walls when you're using light paint!
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I would have been happy with scuffs on light walls in the main bedroom- instead I got snot (well I hope to god it was)
As for skids in the bog- the toilet seat was so stained I had to get the cleaning company to remove it!!! I know a lot of tenants are not going to repect property that have not grafted to buy but for heaven sakes have a little self repect and either get your butt oven the toilet or learn how to clean it before people look at it.
As for shooting them in the groin they are probably bullet proof with all that caked on Sh@*
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I had a man in my office the other day claiming to have worked for 3 days to clean his place and why did we have to send cleaners in? Because you and your lazy wife lived like pigs all the time you were there bonehead! That's what I wanted to say anyway :-) BTW, we inspected his place twice in the 6 weeks prior to his vacate date and put in writing what he needed to do!
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ha, I swear, these grease balls come in all shapes and sizes! You can just never tell these days!
There are all sorts odd "blobs" scattered around the house which I don't even want to venture guessing the sources!
You hit the nail on the head. I can accept that not every tenant is respect their rented property, but seriously, at least maintain a basic level of human hygiene.
@Aunty P
Urgh, I dread to imagine what letting agents have seen over the years! In the past I've have properties left in bad condition e.g. holes in walls, drawings on walls, odd stains on carpets. I consider that all pretty "normal". But those issues didn't reflect on my tenants' hygiene. This was the worst time that I saw the result of a tenant that had no concept or car for hygiene!
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Vomit everywhere including inside the washing machine along with the contents of bags of sugar, dried fruit pasta and god knows what else. Shit on all the walls and curtains. Piss everywhere. Flooring ripped up and they even bent all the hinges trying to jump out of a window. (4th story flat). All the doors off, furniture broken and her white leather sofas destroyed. (Yes I know, we told her not to leave white leather but she wouldn't listen.) Needles everywhere. The place was fumigated and everything in it destroyed. The landlord was never fully compensated and the insurance didn't cover this situation. She also lost two months rent due to delays n being notified and the time it took to sort out.
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Being disabled (and he loves to play that card!) he can't clean! Last inspection i found a small pile of either sick or shit he had just put a piece of card over!
It was a brand new flat when he moved in 18months ago and will need new carpets (Laminate sounds good!) and a bloddy good scrub and clean.
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They are now disputing this payment with the backing of the estate agent who paid it me, as I now have new tenants in the property and they think as I was fortunate to get tenants within a month, they have paid for a property I now receive rent from another occupant.
Am I mad or are the tenants stupid and likewise the estate agents for supporting them, the solicitor for the estate agents, clee tompkinson and francis seems to support their case and believes that I will loose if it goes to courts.
Any advise, I do believe the whole thing has been mismanaged by the agents as I am being mislead by the agent, the last occupant I had was an estate agent and left the place in a terrible mess, so the dodgy handling may lay here.
Any advise or names of good solicitors would be helpful as I intend to fight this on pure principal.
many thanks
Mark
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You may lose this if they take it further if you took more than say one months rent from them and then started a new tenancy within a month of them vacating. Do you have anything in writing, emails etc, laying out the terms you agreed with tenants and agents? It seems wrong that the agents agreed and were party to something that they now say is unfair.
I'll be interested to hear the outcome and to see what others have to say.
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As result I found a replacement and they moved out and made sure the flat was spotless for the new Tenants.
In a scenario like this I don't think it would have been fair to charge them extra. You would've had to do the same paperwork regardless even if they'd served their full tenancy anyway. It can be a slight inconvenience but I think this is the nature of this business.
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the main facts are they signed a goodwill statement where they offered to pay two months of the remaining 6 with no mention of rent on it, one solicitor thinks they have no case but another thinks they are will win and get back 300 of the 650 as I paid £350 to the estate agent to relet, I however had damage and missing items from the property they they have failed to notify the tennants of which will total around £3000 so he thinks this will deter them.
I'll let you know what happens.
Mark
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