Landlord Complaints & Rants

Every man needs to vent now and then; even I, a gracious individual, is no exception from the act of humanity.

This is the where I rant and rave like a madman about property related crap and give updates about the website in general. It’s pretty much a miscellaneous section; filled with all kinds of wonderful treats.

Tenants & Late Rent Excuses

Tenants & Late Rent Excuses

Complaints & Rants / 23 Comments
FIGHT: Rightmove / Zoopla Vs OnTheMarket

FIGHT: Rightmove / Zoopla Vs OnTheMarket

11 Feb 2015 / Complaints & Rants / 49 Comments

This post is going to be a rather shamelessly self-indulgent one that will only serve to comfort the needs of my inner geekhood, which unfortunately takes immense joy from all things online-marketing related, especially in the property vertical. I’m no expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I am an enthusiast that’s compelled to […]

Q&A With The Landlord, ‘i need to find a land load that aceps dss’

Q&A With The Landlord, ‘i need to find a land load that aceps dss’

17 Dec 2013 / Complaints & Rants / 16 Comments

Three of the biggest drags about running this landlord blog: 1) I’m still doing it without being an award winning blogger (how I’ve managed to continue without recognition is beyond me) 2) Contrary to popular belief, blogging still ain’t getting me laid 3) Getting buried with high volumes of ridiculous emails But let’s focus on […]

The Worst Kind Of Landlord

The Worst Kind Of Landlord

21 Nov 2013 / Complaints & Rants / 10 Comments

Whether it be due to ignorance or intention, most landlords are generally arseholes (not you or I though), first class honour dip-shits. They drag their heals when repairs are required, they’re oblivious to their legal responsibilities and obligations as a landlord, and even though they’re drowning in mortgage debt and/or negative equity, they still have […]

The Lessons You Never Forget As A Landlord / Person

The Lessons You Never Forget As A Landlord / Person

12 Aug 2013 / Complaints & Rants / 38 Comments

It’s been a while, just over a month; I don’t think I’ve ever gone so long without blogging, and to be honest, I’m forcing these words out of myself right now just to end the drought. I’m not entirely sure how this post will pan out, but for the most part I know it’s going […]

Sign Up To The Landlord Newsletter: Real Experiences, Tips, Advice & Discount Codes

Sign Up To The Landlord Newsletter: Real Experiences, Tips, Advice & Discount Codes

14 Apr 2013 / Complaints & Rants / 0 Comments

After much hesitation and deliberation I’ve finally got around to setting up a platform to create and deliver newsletters. I literally just spent my entire Saturday setting this shit up, and I’m hoping it will result in something particularly useful for everyone. Sacrificing a Saturday to code and design isn’t particularly fulfilling, but… actually, there […]

The Pains Of Scheduling Rental Property Viewings

The Pains Of Scheduling Rental Property Viewings

04 Sep 2012 / Complaints & Rants / 15 Comments

I’m currently sitting across the room from my teary-eyed bald-headed friend, whose somehow managed to appoint me as his personal agony aunt. Apparently I have nothing better to do than listen to his bellowing, while he tucks into a pot of salad and accumulates revolting colonies of salad cream around his greasy lips. It’s genuinely […]

Landlords Are Just Glorified Babysitters

Landlords Are Just Glorified Babysitters

24 Jun 2012 / Complaints & Rants / 17 Comments

While I’m feeling weak and vulnerable, I figured I may as well share, like a circled pride of wallowing hippies, singing their emotions with a tamberine and good spirit. Apparently tears and emotion make the recipe of a profound piece. Unfortunately, I don’t have a tamberine, but I have plenty of emotion to squirt over […]

Accepting Rent In The Form Of Sex

Accepting Rent In The Form Of Sex

26 Jan 2012 / Complaints & Rants / 16 Comments

I did NOT accept rent in the form of sex. I just want to make that clear in case you read the title of this blog post and dived into it with a box of Kleenex, a pot of Vaseline and an erection, with the expectation of having your virtual fantasy fulfilled. This ain’t that […]

Tenant’s Aren’t Just For Christmas

Tenant’s Aren’t Just For Christmas

14 Dec 2011 / Complaints & Rants / 26 Comments

Holy shit, this has been the longest period of time I’ve gone without publishing a post. It’s almost been a month. What’s my excuse? I’ve been sunning myself in various locations around the globe. Alas, it’s back to reality now, and what a landfill of diarrhea it is. Naively, I had genuine intentions of sitting […]

Halifax Landlord Insurance Have Irritated Me

Halifax Landlord Insurance Have Irritated Me

27 Sep 2011 / Complaints & Rants / 15 Comments

Just to avoid any confusion, this incident occurred on Friday, 23rd September, but i’m only just getting around to publish it now, 27th September. Anyhow, without any further ado, here are my tears… I’ve been a satisfied Halifax Landlord Insurance policy holder for years up until now. Today it went wrong. They let me down […]

Angry DSS Tenant Walks Away Fuming Over A Fairytale

Angry DSS Tenant Walks Away Fuming Over A Fairytale

31 Aug 2011 / Complaints & Rants / 11 Comments

Another day, another bitter email from a dribbling Neanderthal that ruled out the “thinking” process before making contact. I found the following email piled up in my inbox last week, or perhaps it was the week before. Either way, destiny intended for the nonsensical piece of shit to find me. Enjoy. To whoever it may […]

Hello? Does Anyone Know Energy Performance Certificates (EPCs) Exist Yet?

Hello? Does Anyone Know Energy Performance Certificates (EPCs) Exist Yet?

27 Jul 2011 / Complaints & Rants / 18 Comments

I’ve yet to meet a prospective tenant, let alone an actual tenant, that even knows what an Energy Performance Certificate (EPC) is. They’ve been a legal requirement for landlords in England and Wales since October 2008, yet they appear to be as much of a mystery as they’ve ever been. An EPC is primarily meant […]

Landlords Are Third Rate Humans And They Should Die Slowly

Landlords Are Third Rate Humans And They Should Die Slowly

17 Jun 2011 / Complaints & Rants / 17 Comments

What a dramatic week, aye, guys? The catalyst of the drama… I receive one link from the House Price Crash forum and suddenly it’s like Mars Attacks around this gaff. Albeit, there is no such thing as bad publicity. I just hope some of them (even the ugly ones) convert into regular readers. That would […]

My Tenant Lacks Compassion And Has No Soul

My Tenant Lacks Compassion And Has No Soul

18 May 2011 / Complaints & Rants / 68 Comments

If someone has no soul, is it a given that they lack compassion? If so, I’ve fucked up the semantics of the blog post title. But you get the gist of what i’m saying, right? One of my tenants has a heart of stone! A few days ago I received a text from my tenant, […]

Rightmove, Get That ‘Twitter Feed’ Shit Off Your Blog Immediately

Rightmove, Get That ‘Twitter Feed’ Shit Off Your Blog Immediately

18 Jan 2011 / Complaints & Rants / 5 Comments

I’m generally a huge fan of Rightmove as a property portal for finding properties. What they have created is brilliant. However, my admiration stops there, especially when it comes to their innovating attempts at cracking social media. A few days ago Rightmove published a horrific piece of advice on their blog which practically had me […]

My Tenant Is Ignoring My Text Messages And Phone Calls

My Tenant Is Ignoring My Text Messages And Phone Calls

10 Jan 2011 / Complaints & Rants / 23 Comments

If you’re a landlord, and you’ve been in a situation where your tenant either flat-out ignores you or takes forever to respond, I know you’ll understand my frustrations. From a landlord’s perspective, there’s very little else that can elevate frustrations to these heights. It’s one of those situations where if you’re not in it, you […]

5 Ways To Convince Your Tenant To Have Sex With You

5 Ways To Convince Your Tenant To Have Sex With You

08 Dec 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 20 Comments

The other day I assisted a fellow landlord (who is also my personal friend) take viewings for his vacant rental property. He had 3 viewings lined up for Sunday afternoon. I didn’t really have any business being there, but I was curious to how he conducted himself during a viewing, so I went along for […]

Tenant Wakes Up With Landlord Towering Over Him

Tenant Wakes Up With Landlord Towering Over Him

24 Nov 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 8 Comments

It’s another one of those scenarios where I shouldn’t laugh because it’s genuinely frightening, but at the same time, I can’t help but laugh because I’m not the victim. That makes me a terrible person, doesn’t it? Anyways, this happened last week to a friend of a friend, but I was only told the story […]

My Tenants Have Split Up From Their Stupid Relationship

My Tenants Have Split Up From Their Stupid Relationship

12 Nov 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 7 Comments

My tenants have only gone and split up, ain’t they? Why do bad things always happen to me? That’s what I want to F’ing know!!! So, I was meant to receive a scheduled standing order from one of my tenant’s yesterday. As usual, I logged into my online account to check if payment had been […]

My Tenant Left Me With A Wheelie Bin Full Of Shit And Sex Toys

My Tenant Left Me With A Wheelie Bin Full Of Shit And Sex Toys

26 Oct 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 19 Comments

Well, fuck me sideways. My ex tenants’ got me good this time. This incident actually happened a few weeks ago, but I’ve only just had time to tell the tale. I’m not sure if this incident is more amusing or frustrating. Perhaps you should tell me… I’ve already mentioned a few dozen times that a […]

I’m Bored Of Painting Over Bad Taste And Moudly Shit

I’m Bored Of Painting Over Bad Taste And Moudly Shit

10 Oct 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 14 Comments

I’m going to have a quick outburst of rage before I leave my house this morning because that’s the kind of mood I’m in. I’m exhausted and overworked, which is the make-up of a very vulnerable and delirious individual, consequently I may say some things I don’t necessarily mean. Fuck all of you. My previous […]

Torn Between Two Tenants – Sweet Old Lady With Huge Tits And Family With Shagable Daughter

Torn Between Two Tenants – Sweet Old Lady With Huge Tits And Family With Shagable Daughter

29 Sep 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 9 Comments

Guys, I’m in a right cock-shaped pickle. This week I’ve taken several viewings for my soon-to-be vacant property, and I’ve managed to strategically narrow the applicants down to a shortlist of two wonderful prospects. But I’ve made a right pig’s ear out of the situation. I’ve somehow, carelessly said “yes” to both applicants. Obviously, I […]

Ajay Ahuja Has Been Successfully Sued

Ajay Ahuja Has Been Successfully Sued

22 Sep 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 20 Comments

Yes, my bald-headed mate Ajay Ahuja is in the spotlight yet again. Since Ajay and I ended on bad terms (because he went nuts on me), I was only more than eager to give you guys an update on a legal battle Ajay recently lost. Just to remind you all, it was only a few […]

My Landlord Is A Rude Bitch

My Landlord Is A Rude Bitch

08 Sep 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 15 Comments

One of my best mate’s is a tenant with a live-in landlord. I frequently pop over to her gaff just to chill-out and catch up on life. Unfortunately, i’m always unsettled by the experience because I’m forced to encounter her landlord, who happens to the most miserable, sorry-looking shit-face I ever have had the pleasure […]

Is My Landlord Entitled To Go Through My Underwear Drawer?

Is My Landlord Entitled To Go Through My Underwear Drawer?

19 Aug 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 24 Comments

Earlier today I was reading a very serious blog post by Renter Girl. She discussed a few of the distressed phrases tenants had typed into a search engine to land onto her website. Here are some of the searched phrases: “I’m afraid of my landlord.” “…my landlord comes round unannounced.” “My landlord threatens me.” “Is […]

Funny Shit Friday – DSS Tenant Demands Apology, But Walks Away With I.T Advice

Funny Shit Friday – DSS Tenant Demands Apology, But Walks Away With I.T Advice

06 Aug 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 8 Comments

Welcome to the 2nd episode of “Funny Shit Friday”. I genuinely didn’t think this would go further than the pilot episode, but it turns out there’s still life left in the old beast yet. For those that missed the opening episode, you can catch it here, Funny Shit Friday – Houseshare Opportunity For A Sterile […]

Hilarious Spareroom/Houseshare Advert

Hilarious Spareroom/Houseshare Advert

30 Jul 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 1 Comment

I came across this advert for a vacant room, thanks to the guys over at Spareroom. This shit is hilarious. Here’s a group of tenants looking to houseshare with a hygienically conscious hobbit that doesn’t mind crime: I’d definitely apply if I was looking because these guys sound fun, and the 3/2 female to male […]

My Tenant Is A Lazy, Worthless, Greasy Kebab

My Tenant Is A Lazy, Worthless, Greasy Kebab

08 Jul 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 19 Comments

Ok, so remember the other day when I was talking about how my tenant was vacating, and how it was difficult for me to take viewings because of his shit-crazy taste in furniture? You guys remember, right? Well, you also may remember that I said besides from his alien grasp of interior design, he was […]

My Tenant’s Disgusting Taste In Furniture Has Ruined My Life

My Tenant’s Disgusting Taste In Furniture Has Ruined My Life

24 Jun 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 12 Comments

So the other day I took a viewing (generally, always a miserable experience), right? My initial plan, as prearranged with my current tenant, was to take the viewing with the new prospective tenant, and then immediately after, pop back into the property to take a few glamorous snaps for marketing purposes. I planned on whipping […]

Interview With The Angry HIP Consultant

Interview With The Angry HIP Consultant

10 Jun 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 20 Comments

For those of you unaware, a few weeks ago, the newly formed Coalition Government scrapped the Home Information Packs (HIPs). Unsurprisingly, most people were more than pleased to see the back of them. The added cost of selling a house just didn’t make sense for vendors and estate agents! But on the flip-side, there are […]

My Tenant Gave Me Notice While I Was On Holiday

My Tenant Gave Me Notice While I Was On Holiday

07 Jun 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 7 Comments

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been in Vegas for the past 2 weeks; soaking in the sun, drinking extortionately priced cocktails and ogling at beautifully slutty women. It was great. And now, it’s disgustingly depressing to be back as reality starts to set in… While I was away I received a missed […]

Is This Online Letting Agent Advert Distasteful?

Is This Online Letting Agent Advert Distasteful?

31 May 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 4 Comments

A few weeks ago my radar picked up a Tweet from @ffields regarding the marketing methods of a new Online Letting Agent, PropertyMatch.com. The Tweeter muttered the following: @ffields Distasteful ad as seen in Landlord and Buy-to-let magazine, death always sells? [link to advert] Here’s the advert from Letting Match: Is it distasteful? What do […]

This Country Would Be Awesome For Landlords If I Was In Control

This Country Would Be Awesome For Landlords If I Was In Control

12 May 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 5 Comments

I’m not big on politics, for many reasons, but mainly because it’s bullshit. I heard some snotty chump on the news the other day saying that he thought democracy was a beautiful thing, and that’s why our country is beautiful. He was getting erect by the queues of people lining up outside polling stations to […]

Ajay Ahuja Has Threatened To Take Legal Action Against Me

Ajay Ahuja Has Threatened To Take Legal Action Against Me

04 May 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 13 Comments

Oh shit, here we go again. I have another potential legal battle on my hands. Brief Bio on Ajay Ahuja Ajay Ahuja is known in the BTL industry by many people for his £15m property empire, which he started with just £500. He’s also known for his property sourcing company, The Ahuja Group, which sources […]

Ajay Ahuja Gets Investigated By Undercover Sky News Journalists

Ajay Ahuja Gets Investigated By Undercover Sky News Journalists

30 Apr 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 5 Comments

Oh dear, it seems Ajay Ahuja has been investigated again, but this time by a pair of cheeky undercover journalists from Sky News. The report was aired yesterday evening, but on the 18th of April, Ajay mentioned something about it on his blog, so I knew it was in the coming. It was only a […]

Guys, Want To Live With A Creepy Homosexual In A Trendy Part Of London, Rent Free?

Guys, Want To Live With A Creepy Homosexual In A Trendy Part Of London, Rent Free?

14 Apr 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 6 Comments

Earlier today I was pointed in the direction of an extremely creepy ad listing on Gumtree. Here it is: Do you fit the description? Are you male, aged between 18 – 25, and masculine? If so, Pete is offering you an opportunity to live RENT FREE in a very trendy part of London. Really though, […]

Same Libel Threat, Different Person Threatening Me

Same Libel Threat, Different Person Threatening Me

12 Jan 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 30 Comments

Urgh, it’s happening again! This is the 4th incident where I’ve been told to remove content from my site because it’s supposedly libellous. It’s like Groundhog day, because the threats are always so ridiculous and petty, in my opinion. The latest episode is actually the most flimsy libel notice I’ve ever received. At least the […]

Landlord Junk I Want To Achieve In 2010

Landlord Junk I Want To Achieve In 2010

04 Jan 2010 / Complaints & Rants / 19 Comments

Happy New Year, folks! I hope you all had a great transition. So, it’s a New Year and people are beginning their journeys to fulfil their resolutions. Great! I never really set New Year resolutions because they don’t make any practical sense to me. If I need to change something in my life, I’ll change […]

Are You Going To Bother Sending Your Tenant A Christmas Card?

Are You Going To Bother Sending Your Tenant A Christmas Card?

17 Dec 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 10 Comments

Urgh, great, it’s Christmas again, ALREADY. I mostly hate Christmas I don’t know about you, but I have a genuine love/hate relationship for this time of year. It’s mostly hate though, and barely any noticeable amount of love. Yes, yes, yes, I’m the Grinch! I’m just not a fan of the fuss, and this time […]

Interview With Ajay Ahuja

Interview With Ajay Ahuja

10 Nov 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 166 Comments

It was only last week that Ajay Ahuja appeared on “Inside Out” for allegedly being a dirty little scam artist. Since then his name has been running riot on the property circuit. While he’s still hot topic, I thought I’d try and get my filthy little mitts on him; giving him the opportunity to give […]

Ajay Ahuja On Inside Out, London- Property Scam

Ajay Ahuja On Inside Out, London- Property Scam

04 Nov 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 53 Comments

Anyone watch “Inside Out, London” On BBC, Monday (2nd November, 2009)? It was rather interesting. The first half of the show was an investigation about a property dealer offering bargains that are apparently too good to be true. It was quite amusing when the “dealer” they were investigating turned out to be someone I know, […]

I Don’t Like Globrix Property Portal

I Don’t Like Globrix Property Portal

29 Oct 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 11 Comments

Anyone used Globrix before? Earlier today I was planning on using Globrix to check out the local talent on the market. Unfortunately, my plans quickly came to a halt when I realised Globrix is a pile of unusable crap. I can’t decide whether the site was designed by a genius or an idiot. My money […]

Reader Requests I Remove Article Where I Call My Tenant A Bitch

Reader Requests I Remove Article Where I Call My Tenant A Bitch

28 Sep 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 11 Comments

The other day I received an email from a disgruntled dipshit reader that goes by the name Sophie. I don’t usually humour myself on other people’s misery, but this unreasonable creation was being ridiculous, so I was pleased to make an exception. Sophie basically requested for me to remove a particular article from my website […]

New Property Investment Project Business Cards

New Property Investment Project Business Cards

23 Sep 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 6 Comments

Right, so here are the facts… My blog is growing on a daily basis (I think) I get various property-related companies and professionals emailing me all kinds of shit on a daily basis I don’t run my blog as a “business” per’se, but some people tell me I probably should I sometimes (rarely) attend networking […]

The Lost Art Of Being Polite

The Lost Art Of Being Polite

27 Aug 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 8 Comments

Just to warn you all, this post has nothing to do with property or being a landlord. This is about me throwing my toys out of the pram due to the lack of manners some people seem to have. While you won’t directly learn how to be a better landlord from this, some of you […]

Landlord Searching For Perfect Tenants

Landlord Searching For Perfect Tenants

20 Aug 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 6 Comments

I have a 2 bedroom mid-terrace house located on the outskirts of Cambridge City, available from early November for someone, or some people, to make into a new home. The property comprises nice views, a nice location, and nice neighbours. It’s all rather nice. Interested? Apply for viewings if you’re able to tick all of […]

Hilarious Ad By Landlord, ‘4 Bedroom Undesirable Shit Hole’

Hilarious Ad By Landlord, ‘4 Bedroom Undesirable Shit Hole’

19 Aug 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 5 Comments

I noticed this ad on Gumtree the other day and found it hilarious. I don’t know who, why or what, but I like. And here are the visuals… I really don’t have much else to say on the matter.

I’m Suffering From “Shitty Savings Account” Syndrome

I’m Suffering From “Shitty Savings Account” Syndrome

22 Jun 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 4 Comments

This time last year I had two saving accounts’ with Halifax. I had a “Regular Saver” which gave me a 10% interest rate, and a “Guaranteed saver” which gave me a 6% interest rate. It was a good time to be saving. A year later, both accounts have expired from their fixed rate period, and […]

The Worst Bloody Thing About Being A Landlord

The Worst Bloody Thing About Being A Landlord

08 Jun 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 18 Comments

Hi all! I’ve very recently come stumbling back from a scandalous trip away in Vegas, hence why the stream of fresh content has been dry as a Nun’s vagina for the past few weeks. Apologies! I actually did plan on blogging while away, but it turns out I am only human, consequently I found the […]

Most Estate Agents On Twitter Are Idiots

Most Estate Agents On Twitter Are Idiots

13 Apr 2009 / Complaints & Rants / 20 Comments

Meh, as pointless and shitty as I think Twitter is, to my despair, it’s become another one of those bullshit social media rages that I’ve embraced. I almost feel disgusted with myself for admitting it. Apparently Facebook, Myspace and LinkedIn wasn’t enough- we need to work a little bit harder to maintain our virtual lives. […]