Question: Can I keep a pet?
Answer: Only with a specific animal agreement annex added to the AST.

Question: Can you get my OCD housemate who is a compulsive cleaner to stop F*****g well following me around cleaning up after me ALL the time?
Answer: Sorry – not my area of expertise and she is keeping my house spotless! Has she got a friend for my other houses?

Question: The light wont work.
Answer: Have you tried switching it on and off.
Q: Yes.
A: HAve you tried replacing the bulb?
Q: No.
a: Ok replace the bulb.
later…
Q: Still wont work.
A: Do other lights work?
Q: No!
A: Have you checked main RCD board.
Q: Where is that?
A; In hallway by stairs, open the door and check to make sure all is green.
Sounds of door opening and scratching around.
Q: All green.
A: (Frustrated) Ok leave it with me. Will get someone to pop around.
Later:
Q: lights still not coming on – well they did and then went off and then back on again.
A: thats really strange – not sure what else to suggest as my sparky says all is ok.Lights were fine when he was there.
Q: Could it be the power cut that happened earlier?
A: (sound of phone being replaced) Fuckwit!

I also wrote a “Flat Driving Manual”, which explained everything I knew about the flat, how it works, when things go wrong, how best to contact me, etc.

Dan