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Guys, Want To Live With A Creepy Homosexual In A Trendy Part Of London, Rent Free?

Written by The Landlord on 14 Apr 2010

Earlier today I was pointed in the direction of an extremely creepy ad listing on Gumtree. Here it is:

Creepy Gumtree Ad

Do you fit the description?

Are you male, aged between 18 – 25, and masculine? If so, Pete is offering you an opportunity to live RENT FREE in a very trendy part of London.

Really though, is it rent free? It’s not really, is it?

Even if the landlord doesn’t require sex (which is highly unlikely), he’ll still be getting payments in other forms, consequently getting a rather large bang for his buck, so to speak.

I’m pretty sure the landlord is fully aware of (and counting on) the following:

Guys naturally walk around topless, in boxers
Guys generally “hangout” with other guys
Most guys between 18 – 25 frequently get drunk to the point where everything becomes blurry and forgotten. Enough said
Any prospective tenant that takes Pete up on his offer will most likely be short of cash and desperate, so even if the tenant wakes up with an inanimate object wedged up his arse, he won’t be able to afford 1) to move out 2) get a good legal team

So, essentially, while hard cash isn’t exchanging hands; services are definitely expected to be exchanged. The landlord is paying for a shiny new toy, while the tenant is prepared to be that toy in exchange for a roof. But what worries me about Pete’s ad posting is the following line,

I do want to find someone who will compliment the life I have here.

Complimenting his life could entail anything; but it probably means…

BONE ME AND YOU WON’T HAVE TO PAY SHIT; YOU’LL ONLY NEED TO WIPE IT OFF YOUR PENIS.

That was probably disgustingly inappropriate. But true.

While this guy Pete IS clearly one creepy son of a bitch, I can appreciate why it would be appealing for a homosexual guy that fits the description. Put it this way, if an older straight woman had a similar ad listing, I’d be the first to apply.

Anyways, I just thought I’d share in case anyone wants to apply for this truly rare opportunity (although prostitution isn’t actually rare).

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6 Comments - join the conversation...

sycorax2010-04-15 10:26:42 UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! YUCK YUCK YUCK! The gummy tree is indeed full of pervy listings, someone really should turn them into a book. He probably went to public school and has issues. I think it's his use of the verb 'compliment' which creeps me out the most, like being a rental rent boy is like being a matching cushion or hotel freebie, which I guess the poor sod would be:0) 1

The Landlord2010-04-15 12:07:27 hah yeah! Exactly what I thought - it's the "compliment" part which was the most concerning! 2

NS 12010-04-15 14:58:26 no deposit, but im sure he'd like you to deposit something else. haha 3

Ginster2010-04-15 17:54:23 Eeewwww........!!
VERY inappropriate indeed and especially since I've just very recently subscribed to these email updates.
However, your posts are hilarious, I can't stop p***ing myself laughing and what a way to bring a bit of enjoyment (though vulgar) into a professional arena that is otherwise quite glum!! 4

Sam2010-04-20 20:58:18 i think you should respond and post the reply you get! 5

Smithy2010-05-03 16:54:32 I'm a bit curious about his use of the word 'compliment':
Dictionary definition as follows ---
Compliment: An expression of praise, commendation, or admiration. A formal act or expression of civility, respect, or regard. A courteous greeting; good wishes; regards.
Complement: something that completes or makes perfect: A good wine is a complement to a good meal.
He uses the former - an expression of praise.
I wonder if he means the latter - to complete or make perfect.
I think we should be told. 6