On the Rogue Trader’s section of the programme, they exposed a couple of shit-for-brain douche-bags, and nothing gave me greater pleasure than watching them squirm on national TV, while attempting to plead their case with nonsensical dribble. It was pathetic, like watching a terrapin struggling on its back (my friend gave me that ridiculous analogy).

If you missed it, allow me to drag you into the loop.

Watchdog investigated a rogue letting agent that give prospective tenants the option of paying a “reservation” fee. The bullshit fee (yes, it is bullshit) is paid if the tenant wishes to “reserve” a property for a set period (typically 10-14 days). Once the fee is paid, the letting agent cannot reserve the property for anyone else (i.e. accept further reservation fees for that property), or let the property to anyone else during that period.

The letting agency Watchdog investigated were caught red-handed, accepting reservation fees from multiple prospective tenants for the same property. They were charging £200 a pop, so it’s not chump-change we’re talking about here; we’re talking ‘penis enlargement operation’ in Eastern Europe money. They should be peeled like an onion and launched into a bowl of balsamic vinegar. But I suppose being exposed on Watchdog is a good start. I’m sure it’s a cruel practise embraced by many agents around the country.

Being the jovial and caring person that I am, I’ve taken it upon myself to chop, slash and hammer together the episode of Watchdog for you. You should definitely watch it. It’s about 25mins long, so may cause problems to those with short attention spans, but it will be time well spent, even if it’s playing in the background while you’re making inconvenient love to your partner- just lay on your back and raise your neck over your partner’s shoulder. Trust me, I’m the first person to highlight when something isn’t worth watching, like that bullshit movie Donnie Darko- complete waste of time, which miraculously has a huge “cult” following. I should have known it was bullshit based on that; if it was any good, it would have a “regular people” following, not just a “cult” following, which implies a population of weird hippies that worship Satan and/or porcelain dolls. I’m going off track here. Simply, watch the video below, and throw “watching Donnie Darko” on the NEVER to-do list!

So, what did you think? A bunch of absolute douche-bags, right? Right! The worrying part was, the entire workforce of the agency seemed to be elabourately involved with the scam. They were clearly all trained to be part of the ploy. What confused me more, and what was not clearly explained is, how did/do agents actually get away with taking multiple registration fees, and then explain to the prospective tenant(s) that the property was not reserved for them, and then refuse to refund the money? What possible excuse could the agent provide, and how could any rational tenant accept that kind of situation? One thing is for sure, if I was the tenant, I would not rest easy until I got my money back.

I don’t want to reduce this blog-post into a petulant arsenal of childish attacks, but that greasy, pompous-arse motherfucker at the end portrayed himself as a proper condescending prick. His stupid tie didn’t match his stupid suit either. Yeah, that’s right, I took it to that level, and what?

Avoid the reservation fee

I mentioned that I think a “reservation fee” is bullshit, please allow me to elabourate. Firstly, to my dismay, I know of many letting agents that offer prospective tenants with the option of reserving a property for a fee. But what I don’t understand is, the tenant pays the agent £200 to reserve a property, but why doesn’t the landlord see any of that money? It’s the landlord that is reserving his/her property, therefore it is the landlord that is potentially losing out on rental income while the property is being reserved. But that’s besides the point, even if the landlord did see any of that money, the fee would still equally be as bogus. The fee doesn’t make sense to me.

The “reservation fee” is just an unnecessary extension to a “tenancy deposit” That’s all it is. If a prospective tenant likes a property THAT much, the only requirement to reserve the property should be to pay the standard security deposit, and the landlord/letting agency should be happy with that. As soon as a deposit is received, the property should in theory, be secured.

The reservation fee is as wasteful as the Tenancy Renewal Fee. Ultimately, neither of those fees pay for any extra labour; it’s just easy money for agents, and that’s exactly why I suspect those ideas were strategically yanked out of someone’s anal-passage for the purpose of making extra money for doing absolutely nothing.

I personally wouldn’t use a letting agent that charges reservation fees and/or tenancy renewal fees, because agents like that generally only care about one thing.

So, let me hear your thoughts, folks…

Related posts:

Why Do Letting Agents Charge Tenants An Admin Fee?
10 Reasons Why I Don’t Use Letting Agents
Letting Agents Tenancy Renewal Fees

Obviously, due to the fact I was covering such a riveting topic, the blog post received quite a few responses, which included several letting agents justifying the reasoning for charging tenants an admin fee. Apparently the fee is imperative to cover the costs of referencing the prospective tenants. Fair enough, I say reluctantly, as long as the fee isn’t extortionate (because there’s no need for it to be. But I still think the landlord’s fees more than covers those expenses). Either way, as with all my awesome posts, fun was had by all during the discussion. So if you’re reading this while you’re in the midst of sinking into your chair during the working hours of your bullshit job, surrounded by your bullshit colleagues, and contemplating whether life is worth living, perhaps you’d like to catch-up by reading the blog post linked above; otherwise it’s probably not worth it because there’s better shit to do in this world, and I’ve covered the gist of it anyways.

So, yesterday evening I was having a gander on Facebook and reading through my community’s status updates. One of my friends was having a bitch about a letting agent that was charging a ridiculous amount for a tenant application fee. I found it quite amusing, especially the comments, so I thought I’d share.

Bless my friend. She’s not the most coherent creature you’ll ever encounter, but you get the gist of her amusing tantrum. The agent wanted £240 for an application fee. The agent justified the price by suggesting they provide the best credit checks and references in the business. I’m going to go out on a whim and call bullshit. I don’t care if their credit checks/references come with 22 carot ribbons attached around them; there’s no way £150 + VAT for references can be justified, nor a £50 + VAT fee for a credit check. They use a third party credit check company just like thousands of other agents use; and those other agents seem to manage ok by charging a more reasonable application fee.

Here’s a list of Tenant Credit Check Services For Landlords – you can get checks done for free via Discount letting, while the others charge an average of £7. If agents want to make a small profit for arranging the credit check, then fine, by all means put a cherry on top, but make it reasonable and justifiable.

I went onto the letting agent’s website (R&P Lettings) and looked under the “Tenant info” section”. This is what they said about “References”:

As a minimum we will require satisfactory references from your employer (or college), a previous or current landlord, and a credit reference report. We may also require a personal reference, and sometimes a guarantor. We may use the services of an independent referencing company to obtain and evaluate these references.

That couldn’t sound more standard to me. Nothing special about it. Calling it “the best” is false advertising. I think my Facebook friend said it best- what a “fat little twat.” Out of principle, I would simply refuse to use agents that chat rubbish and charge unfairly.

Firstly, in my opinion, the agent needs to lower their bullshit tenant application cost. Secondly (while I’m in the midst of a rage), they also need to put a sledge hammer through that ‘Krusty the clown’ website of theirs; it looks cheap, and doesn’t fit nicely with their extortionate rates :)

I just explained the concept of letting agents charging both landlords and tenants fees to a friend of mine while he was towering over me, enquiring what I was blogging about. After I explained, he laughed and said, “Letting agents are benefiting from a double-ended dildo” Never a truer word spoken. And I think that’s how I’m going to end this blog post. Double-ended Dildo maaafuckers.

UPDATE (12th Jan 2012) – I just received the following email:

Dear sir

In regards to your Blog in which personal abusive and threatening attacks have been made against a member of my staff, and my company R&P Lettings. I have passed this over to the Police and my solicitor, they will contact you directly. They will also be in touch with the young lady.

1) I haven’t done anything illegal – what will the police do? 2) No one has threatened anyone.

I’m assuming it’s a sick joke conjured up by a 12yr old.

Related posts:

Techniques Tenants Can Use To Avoid Letting Agent Fees
Letting Agents Tenancy Renewal Fees
Finding Tenants Without A Letting Agent- Just Received The Worst Tenant Application EVER (Part 4)

The story I’m about to tell is a bit weird. Weird in a slightly psychotic way, not weird in an unexpected/unusual way, because the more I think about it, the less I’m surprised by it.

So, check it…

I already briefly discussed that I have tenants moving out next week because they require larger living space than i’m currently providing. Greedy, to say the least. Right? Outside Liverpool Street station, I’ve seen 3 people refer to the same cardboard box as “home”. It wasn’t a big box either, about the size of a Dyson Hoover package. Yet, apparently, a 2 bedroom house is not not big enough for a family of three. YOU do the maths, because I’m struggling here.

Anyways, putting the issue of their unjustified greed aside for a moment…

They found their new rental accommodation through a local letting agent. I assume the letting agent is relatively new because when the tenant mentioned the company’s name, it didn’t sound familiar. I’ve heard of all the locally established letting agents because I live in a small inbreed town where we all sleep with our cousins, besides from in the winter, when we sleep with our siblings (because the cold conditions make it difficult to travel to our cousins).

I have no direct relationship with the letting agent, and I have never spoken to anyone from the agency. What I’m trying to say is, they don’t mean shit to me. However, earlier today I received a call from them, which went to my answer machine, and this is what was left:

Hey Landlord,

My name is LLoyd from [insert letting agent name]. We know your tenant is moving out of [insert property address] next week, so we just want you to know that we’ve found tenants for you. They love the property and want to move in as soon as your current tenant moves out.

We’ve already referenced them, and as a result, we believe they would be perfect tenants.

Please give me a call so we can arrange for you to come in and sign the contracts.

Thanks a lot,
Lloyd

Aye? What the fuck? Are you on crack, muthafucka? Who are you? Who instructed you to find me tenants?

Basically, a letting agent that I’ve never heard of, or spoken to, has found me tenants that are ready to move in. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad practise (I haven’t decided yet), but it’s definitely a bit nutty.

Perhaps if he tweeked his sales pitch, the issue wouldn’t have been so intrusive. A message like this would have been distinctly more warming,

We’re aware you have tenants shortly vacating- we may have some tenants that are interested to occupy the vacancy immediately. Happy to discuss further if interested…

I think it’s weird of the agent to ask me to sign a tenancy agreement without even discussing it with me beforehand. Agreed? I don’t even know their rates! They’re not even sure if I have someone lined up already!

The situation is like having sex with a random girl, and then requesting permission if it’s ok to have sex with her after I’ve ejaculated…in her. Of course, what the agent did was far worse :)

I’m not angry, i’m just confused, like someone waking up after a heavy night of knocking back Jager Bombs. I feel like memories have been extracted from my mind, leaving me with a blank episode, which should “logically” be filled with memories of me instructing the agent to find me tenants. But I remember nothing of the sort.

I’m struggling to put the pieces together, and unlike Jager Bomb victims, I’m not privileged enough to have clues like blood stains and a used condom scouring the walls of my anal passage to determine what happened during those lost hours.

I’m not entirely sure if the agent took viewings, but I’m assuming he did because I don’t think “perfect tenants” (which is how he described them) would be eager to move into a property that they haven’t seen. Right?

If anything, the agent is wasting his own time and putting his own reputation on the line by diving in feet first. I hope he’s promised the new tenants that the deal has been signed, sealed and delivered, because that would be pretty amusing as there is no way I’m going to pay agent fees and use their tenants.

I’m going to call the fool tomorrow and find out what’s going on :)

If you’re an agent, please don’t use the approach used by the agent in question! It’s freaky and repelling.

Related posts:

Finding Tenants Without A Letting Agent- Mission Accomplished (Part 5)
Techniques Tenants Can Use To Avoid Letting Agent Fees
Why And How Landlords Should Find Tenants Without A Letting Agent

Last week I got my hands on the “Gavin And Stacey” boxset. Prior to getting the boxset, I had never seen an episode, but I had heard great things about the show, and the comic genius that is James Corden (A.k.a Smithy).

I quickly worked through all 3 seasons, which was pretty enjoyable. Anyways, there was a brilliantly amusing scene regarding an Estate Agent, which I thought I’d share to those that haven’t been fortunate enough to already see it.

So, what did you think? Funny? Well I thought so.

Granted, a lot of the “stereotypical” traits of an agent have been overly emphasized, but I guess a lot of the underlying messages still remains true – some Estate Agents will try and sell shit snow to an Eskimo.

Related posts:

Typical Day For An Estate Agent
How Do You Get An Estate Agent To Stop Calling You?
Does An Estate Agent Get Paid Even Without A Sale?

I have a house in Bishop’s Stortford, and according to the letter, Bishop’s Stortford has great schools. Savills estate agent used that as an angle to entice home owners into selling their properties.

I don’t get it. Are these people bored, running out of ideas and/or insane?

If I wanted to sell my property, I would sell it. I don’t need a letter showing me GSCE data (from 2007, may I add) to convince me. Moreover, if I didn’t want to sell my property, I wouldn’t suddenly be enticed by the content of the letter. Am I suppose to think,

I live in an area with a great education system; I may as well sell my home.

Back to my point, I don’t get the point of the letter. I wonder how many homeowners were actually persuaded to suddenly try and sell their property after being given the GSCE data, when they initially had no intentions of selling. I can’t imagine anyone would want to make such a huge step of selling a property based on Savills inhouse research on GCSE results.

My spider senses tell me that this thoughtless ploy was just a waste of paper, what do you think?

Related posts:

Another Day, Another Bullshit Call From An Estate Agent
Does An Estate Agent Get Paid Even Without A Sale?
Estate Agent Walks Into Property And Takes Viewings Without Notifying Tenant

I was engrossed by an article I was reading on the BBC website the other day, The Secret Agent, which surfaced a few of the ill practices estate agents embraced in their day-to-day profession. The worrying part was that not all these tactics were deployed by the odd rotten apple, some were actually tactics passed down and encouraged by management.

The article was about two undercover reporters working at various estate agents, investigating what really happens behind the scenes of some estate agents. Some of the tactics are pretty hardcore and heart-stoppingly ruthless; I’m not saying ALL agents harness these tactics, but I am saying these are reported issues and DO happen, and they’re issues we, as homebuyers and vendors, should be aware of.

Here are a few of the danger areas summarized:

Overvaluing properties

Properties are often overvalued by agents so their commission is boasted and overall profits are maximized. It’s also common practice for agents to convince surveyors that properties are worth more than they actually are.

Under-performing agents are heckled

Under-performing estate agents are heckled and those who have done the most deals are applauded and given champagne and cash rewards.

With rewardment schemes like that, no wonder psychological cords are pulled, forcing the underachievers to perhaps deploy dirty tactics to escape from the bottom of the barrel.

Going to war mentality

The article mentions that Jon Hunt, the owner of Foxtons, encourages his agents to adopt the mantra: “Our clients expect us to go to war for them!” – so it’s hardly surprising the lengths his staff will go to keep the deals coming in.

Inside financial knowledge

A lot of estate agents have in-house mortgage brokers, or brokers that work closely with agents. If that’s the case, it’s not unheard of for both parties to openly discuss potential buyers’ budgets so they can squeeze as much money out of them as possible.

Some buyers have no idea that the agents showing them around properties already know exactly what they can afford.

Faking documents

Faking documents has been one of the more extreme cases reported. Agents fake a signature on an absent landlord’s paperwork. Secret footage has been recorded of staff cutting, pasting and gluing signatures onto contracts. It was referred to as “chop chop”.

The invention of fake offers

This is where an agent will hide offers, so vendors are led to believe their properties were overpriced. Then after a while, when the owner is utterly desperate to sell, the agents make up false offers well below the original valuation so the owner reduces the price.

This is usually done when agents are trying to get bargains for their friends and families.

Backhanders

A case was reported where agents were asking for cash backhanders from property developers in return for cheating owners out of tens of thousands of pounds. So basically, an agent would convince vendors to sell their properties for a well undervalued price, so the developers could snap up a bargain. In some cases, properties were undervalued by as much as £40,000.

Even after the £backhander, the developer is still £30,000 in positive equity.

Fake Documentation

By far the most extremist practice- agents have openly offered homebuyers a fake British passport, P60 forms and forged utility bills. These documents help homebuyers get mortgages that they’re not illegible for ordinarily obtaining.

What’s your experience?

Have you ever dealt with estate agents that lied, or crossed a certain line to push through a deal or maximize profit? Hit me with your story…

Related posts:

How Do You Get An Estate Agent To Stop Calling You?
Diary Of An Estate Agent
Another Day, Another Bullshit Call From An Estate Agent

On a few occasions I’ve seen some of the haters write some funny shit about me and my beautiful cesspit of a blog. Ironically, it’s the parasites with obscure, unfunny humour which gets under my skin and causes me to mentally malfunction.

I was notified by a reader about this recent thread (you need to sign up to view the thread – probably not worth it since I took a screenshot) on the ageants website (update, 2011/03/31: the website has been taken offline for some reason)- it’s an online colony of estate and letting agents. Oh the horror.

The estate agent obviously had a problem with my 15 reasons why estate agents are idiots blog post, which I can totally understand. But I don’t really get his punchline:

I’m guessing he doesnt like ‘us’ because he cannot actually afford a property and was told by an estate agent somewhere down the line to “f@@@ off timewaster, take your free newspaper and get out my office!”

I don’t get the joke at all, and I’m extremely open minded, and I have an awesome sense of humour. FACT! I’m not offended by what he said, I just don’t find the joke funny. It reminds me of “old people” humour. I swear when people get older, their sense of humour becomes extremely simple and they end up laughing at stuff that ain’t really funny e.g. if someone drops a spoon on the floor by accident at the dinner table. Old people love that shit. (I don’t dislike old people, I have grandparents, too. I’m just stating facts)

I’m not entirely sure if being told to “fuck off” because I can’t afford a house is funny, whichever way I look at it (even if I was diagnosed with “old man” humour syndrome). Obviously, it’s especially not funny because it’s an estate agent telling me to “fuck off”.

“Funny” would be an estate agent telling someone to “fuck off” and then getting beat the crap out of with a “for sale” sign for being such a rude, dumb, shit-for-brains, right?

Anyways, I should probably change the article to “16 reasons why estate agents are idiots”

16] Estate Agents are unfunny cu*ts.

Since the “15 reasons why estate agents are idiots” article is merely based on stereotypes, I hope some of you genuinely cool and funny agents don’t get too offended by that article, this article and point 16.

And for the record, I don’t dislike Estate Agents because I can’t afford a house, despite what matey thinks/says. But, now, I do, dislike Estate Agents because they’re unfunny cu*ts.

Love you all.
The Landlord.

Related posts:

Avoiding Rogue Letting Agents
Most Estate Agents On Twitter Are Idiots
Questions Buyers Should Ask Estate Agents

• 1] the tenants didn’t even know the property was for sale
• 2] the tenants didn’t receive any notification from the landlord or estate agent that someone would be entering the property
• 3] my colleagues wife is heavily pregnant, so imagine how scared she must have been when strangers walked into the property
• 4] they only moved into the property on the 30th of December, with a 6 month tenancy agreement
• 5] the agent didn’t even knock, he just entered on his own accord. If you knew the property was occupied, you’d f’ing knock first, right?

Absolutely disgusting, right? BOTH the landlord and agent are equally in the wrong as far as I’m concerned. The spineless landlord should have informed the tenants he had intentions of selling the property. And the sly estate agents (which are also my tenants letting agent) KNOW they need to provide 24 hours notice to the tenant, which the tenant must agree to.

My colleague (the tenant) was so furious, and rightly so. He called the agents and explained how pissed off he was. The agents apologised (not good enough in my opinion) and said it won’t happen again.

Seriously, what a piss-take, on both the landlords and estate agents part.

What are the tenants rights?

While there’s a Tenancy Agreement in place, the tenants don’t have to move out until their tenancy agreement expires. So I hope the Landlord does find a buyer pretty soon, because then the tenants will have him over a barrel. Additionally, the tenants don’t have to allow viewings, which they won’t. And finally, the tenant is now going to change the front door locks (which they are entitled to do by law). More details on this issue here: My Landlord Wants To Sell The Property I’m Renting

Making a complaint about the estate agent

Since the tenant wanted to make an official complaint, I gave him a push in the right direction. I made him check to see if the Estate Agent is a member of a governing body for estate agents. Guess what? They are members’ of the The National Association of Estate Agents (NAEA), which means the agent is bound by strict rules of conduct to ensure they offer you the highest level of integrity and service. Since the estate agent failed to provide any positive level of service, the tenant is in the process of writing a detailed complaint of the bullshit that went on today.

If the estate agent is in breach of any rules of conduct (which I believe they are), the NAEA can…

Penalities are; caution, formal warning or they could be summoned to a Disciplinary Tribunal (if found to be in breach of the Rules of Conduct, the member could be fined for each breach of the rules, suspended or expelled from membership)

So, if you think an estate agent has taken the piss, check out the NAEA website and see if they’re a member. If so, contact them and make a formal complaint.

May the power be with you.

Related posts:

5 Reasons You Don’t Need To Bitch-Slap An Estate Agent
Typical Day For An Estate Agent
Diary Of An Estate Agent

Earlier this week Claer left a comment on one of my blog posts (Is Your Letting Agent Holding Deposits Or Failing To Pass On Rent?):

Any landlords who want me to investigate rogue lettings agents in a piece we are running later this year, send me your gripes please: claer.barrett@ft.com. I am the associate editor of the Investors Chronicle, and edit the weekly property section. These people deserve to be exposed, and The Landlord should be commended for his public-spirited expose!

So, if you think you’re dealing with a rogue letting agent, Claer’s your woman!

PLEASE DON’T mention any names of letting agents that you suspect are rogues in this blog post, because I’ll probably get hit by legal letters mentioning the words “libel” and “defamatory”. That would be no fun for me!

But, please feel free to discuss your circumstances without mentioning specific names. Or, perhaps you’ve had problems in the past that are no resolved- if so, what happened? Love to hear from you!

Good luck to all those dealing with rogue agents! May the force be with you.a

Related posts:

Avoiding Rogue Letting Agents
Only Use Letting Agents That Are Members Of Regulatory Bodies
There’s No Point Using Letting Agents

Fortunately, and rather satisfyingly, I managed to find better tenants than they did in a shorter period of time. Consequently, I didn’t end up using their services. My tie with the agency was cut.

A few weeks later, I noticed my property was still advertised for rent on Rightmove and their shop window. I told them to remove it, and they said they would.

I checked a few weeks later, and it was still being marketed. It didn’t really cause me any problems, but out of principle, I didn’t like the fact they were false advertising and failed to remove the advert after I had instructed them to.

Last week I was reminded of this practise because it’s currently happening to my friend. My friend was going to sell her property, but after struggling to sell for months on end, she decided to let instead. Even though she took the property off the market 4 months prior, the agency she used has still been marketing her property for sale. It’s not even a mere card in the window which has been mistakenly kept alive; it’s a full display about how the house has gone under offer in the last month. False advertising much?

My friend’s tenant noticed the advert in the paper and was concerned that her landlord was selling the property. It seemed especially plausible since the tenancy fixed term was due to end shortly. Fortunately, before the tenant transformed into a pissed-off missile, she called the landlord to find out what the deal was. The landlord explained that her tenancy was safe and what the agency was doing. While there was minimal damage caused, it could have easily got to the point where the tenant could have taken the advert literally (who wouldn’t?) and immediately looked for a new property to rent. Consequently, the landlord could have lost a tenant all because the agent wanted their books to look fat.

My friend has contacted the agency and has firmly instructed them to remove the property. Their response was,

we don’t have proof the property belongs to you, so we won’t remove it

Can you believe that bullshit? They were marketing the property for her in the first place.

I understand WHY agents do it:

• - A large spread of vacant properties in the books provide more opportunity for enquiries
• - An agency with plenty of properties on the window looks like they’re a busy agency
• - when they get enquiries for the “dummy” properties, they can offer “similar” properties that are available

While I understand the motive in their deceiving tactics, it doesn’t justify shit and it’s still annoying. It’s not entirely annoying because we all love to pounce on agents as soon as they make a sly/deceitful move, that’s just partially the reason. But moreover, it’s annoying because of the potential repercussions (as explained), which agents don’t seem to think nor care about. I’m pretty sure it’s a tactic embraced by many, many, many agents.

Anyone else noticed this practise? Further more, do any of you agents do this? It’s ok, you can admit it if you do. Your sins are partially forgiven simply for reading my blog.

Related posts:

Most Estate Agents On Twitter Are Idiots
How Estate Agents Can Save Money
Just Another Reason To Hate Estate Agents