The Ugliest House In The World

Me and a few of my loyal companions decided to embark on a challenge- to uncover the ugliest house in the world. What an ambitious challenge, aye?

We put together a list of guidelines to help us unravel the unfortunate piece of shit that is destined to top the poll of being the ugliest house in the world. The guidelines were put in place to enforce some kind of legislation to ensure that we really do crown the bottom of the barrel.

What were we looking for when choosing the victor?

1) The property must be habitable and occupied by a proud owner. There’s no point choosing a property that’s been half destroyed by Bambi (or whatever dumb name hurricanes are given). This isn’t just about finding a pile of rubble, this is about finding something so hideous that it will make your pile of rubble look like a castle.

2) We have to take taste and financial circumstances into consideration. For example, simply choosing a shed in the middle of Bangladesh isn’t going to cut the mustard. Some people have no choice about what conditions they live in, so their taste isn’t necessarily reflected by their home. We want to find a property that was consciously purchased/designed out of taste by a keeper. A truly foul monstrosity will have a truly distasteful keeper.

3) While chipped windows and rotten paint maybe a sight for sore eyes, they’re not cancerous enough to bring down the house. We need to look beyond the attributes that can be easily healed. Let’s face it, if a house can be cured with a lick of fresh paint and a new set of window frames- how ill could it have been in the first place? For those reasons, we couldn’t crown this foul creation:

Looks absolutely herendous, right? However, it’s all superficial. It can be healed with a lick of paint.

The bottom line is that we need to look beyond the visual pleasantries and find a shell that is suffering from a disease that has no known cure besides from demolition.

As you can see, we’re not fucking around here. We’re deadly serious about finding the ugliest house in the world. So ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present to you Property Investment Project’s winner for the ugliest house in the world:

The Ugliest House In The World Winner

Ghastly, isn’t it? This offensive piece of work is located near the 18th hole of the Bighorn golf course in Palm Desert, U.S. “Only in America” comes to mind.

It took me about 5mins to untangle the visual to actually workout what’s going on. I’m still a little confused- how is that not a skateboarding park? Or maybe it is. It looks like a wonderland for any skateboarding enthusiast and/or a perfect hideout for anyone that wants to escape and smoke some weed in a cave.

It would make an ideal snap for a “where’s Wally” insert, right? In this case, the Wally happens to be Duane Hagadone, a publishing tycoon and zillionaire from Idaho. Apparently, Hagadone wanted “a residence that blends into the mountain, that is very subtle, not a pinnacle seen from all angles.” That’s a beautiful vision, but you know what? The end result looks like…shit, and someone clearly has the word “subtle” misconstrued with the word “painfully abstract”. Some may say that the building has character, and I say some people are lost in a world of insanity.

So why is this our winner, besides from the fact it looks Hurriclae Kristina had chewed it up and spat it back out?

• Duane Hagadone designed this heap himself. He didn’t inherit it, he didn’t win it, he didn’t lose the cruellest of all dares to obtain it, he actually designed it. No, I’m being serious. Money can’t buy taste, nor a good architect, apparently.
• Now here’s the real winner. It cost $30million to build. 30 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS!
• Not even a lick of paint can cure this serious case of inadequacy. This truly is the Leprosy of the architecture world.

Does this 32,016-square-foot monstrosity actually blend into the mountains as intended? I’m not convinced. What do you think? Hagadone built the “Neverland” of Palm Desert to retire. Odd, right? He could have saved himself $30million and committed a series of crimes and just moved into Alcatraz for a similar living experience.

The $30million pad has all the ordinary features you would expect from any mansion (I feel a little uneasy calling it a “mansion”). It has curving walls, swimming pools in the shape of human eyes and bat wings for roofs. That’s normnal, right?

As for the local community, the real victims, what do they think of it? Well, apparently there was complete uproar, and they’re still in disbelief that Hagadone got approval to even build the house. Upset residents flooded the city with e-mails, branding the house “an unsightly scar on the hill,” “a blight,” “a monstrosity,” “a pimple” and an “abortion” of city planning. Residents complained that their views of the Santa Rosa Mountains, which enfold the city like a clamshell, had been ruined.

I don’t know why they’re complaining, they’re living near a piece of history- Property Investment Project’s ugliest house in the world. They should be honoured. Ungrateful cry babies.

Here are some more visuals:

We’re open for further suggestions, so if you think you know of an uglier house, or perhaps you even live in an uglier, we’d love to hear from you.

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Ann Hill wrote, on May 9th, 2008

	Absolutely disgusting
1

J.W. wrote, on Jun 5th, 2008

	I’m truly glad that you were not an art critic (or credible architecture critic) in the times of most of the representative works of art of the last century, but several simplistic truisms can be applied in defense of your own brand of elitism: “One man’s meat…”; “…eye of the beholder”? But in that case I could apply your own incredible quote, “A truly foul monstrosity will have a truly distasteful keeper.” to your own website and remarks with impunity. In your search for the Ugliest House in the World, why isn’t that unfinished-looking ‘box’ on the top of your pedestrian web page in the running? English is obviously not your strong suit, either – “Me…decided to embark…”? “While chipped windows and rotten paint maybe a sight for sore eyes…” What the hell is a “lick of…paint”? Makes we wonder what grade you’re in and why none of your loyal companions pointed out the blunders that any amateur proofreader would’ve caught. But I guess that’s YOUR ‘style’ and also says a lot for your companions. I don’t know where you’ve gotten your information (building cost, design by owner, etc.), or whether it’s accuracy is even relevant to your masturbatory quest to do anything but inform and enlighten, since relevancy does not seem to be your strong suit, but “ambitious challenge”? How egotistical can you get? That’s probably a redundant question since it’s fairly obvious in the rest of your rant. But thanks for the photos. I see this work of architectural art from a distance almost every day on my way down into the Coachella Valley, but this is the first chance I’ve gotten to see it closer up. I think it’s beautiful in all its abstract glory. Once you get down to the valley floor, it’s very difficult to notice the house, especially since the ridge it’s on is a minor ridge that is not part of the local mountain’s silhouette. So I’ve never understood any of the complaints about the project ruining anyone’s view of the Santa Rosa mountains. If you’d like to see an inexcusable ‘unsightly scar on the hill’, take a drive down Highway 74, to Vista Point and beyond, and look at the previously bulldozed road on the side of a nearly plantless city-owned hill that greets everyone who passes through the south entrance to the City of Palm Desert! I’d much rather see an artful rendition of human handiwork than the backside of a big pile of disturbed and scarred dirt. Although Mr. Hagedone may have had some or many of the major design issues in mind, the designer who put everything together on this project is one of a very few sought-after award-winning designers in the local well-healed community’s desire for architecture-as-art. I’ve heard that Mr. Hagedone wanted a museum-quality finished product, which I believe your pictures show he has gotten, at least from the views you show that the public will never see otherwise. I could give you a list of various prestigious museums worldwide that would similarly fit your description of, “the leprosy of the architecture world.” Like those, I would love to tour this home and see the rest of it close up. Since you did not claim any knowledge of this designer, and I don’t know him nor Mr. Hagedone personally, I won’t include his name or company in my comments. The project is highly interesting visually, as you attest to in taking “about 5mins to untangle the visual…” and is highly technically complex in the ways that the designer and all of the contractors involved must have had to deal with practicality to make it come together as a functioning residence. Since when is “normal” a good thing in art or architecture, or much of anything else? You’re right about this being a piece of history – it will be around a long time after you, I, or Mr. Hagadone are long gone. J.W.
2

The Property Amateur wrote, on Jun 5th, 2008

	J.W: I like how you focused a lot of your argument towards an issue totally irrelevant- English. Talk about pety. “lick of paint” is a figure of speech (perhaps not in your region- but that’s your problem for being so uncultured), Why don’t you ask Google? Who the fuck gives a shit about English anyways, you blubbering fool? I don’t rehearse my blog submission in a text editor (e.g MS WORD) before submitting. It’s pretty sad that you used a text editor to conjure up that little outbreak of yours. You probably did it just to avoid embarrassment of making a spelling error, knowing that your English was also open for error. HEAVEN FORBID! The point still stands….it’s the ugliest house in the world. Get over it.
3

J.W. wrote, on Jun 5th, 2008

	By the way, I don’t know how this house meets your criteria since the pictures you display show the house and grounds in its still unfinished state.
4

The Property Amateur wrote, on Jun 5th, 2008

	The house is beyond repair, that’s how. Now please, spare me from your tears. You’re being a drama queen over nothing. You try to give the impression that you’re a wise and open minded individual, but all you’re doing is coming across as pety and bored. The house IS the ugliest in the world, however, you don’t think so. Ok, cool. Settled.
5

J.W. wrote, on Jun 5th, 2008

	Snappy retorts.
6

The Property Amateur wrote, on Jun 5th, 2008

	I followed your lead, J
7

hudz wrote, on Jun 12th, 2008

	it looks like a giant plate fell from the sky
8

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